I Choose Rainbows
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "And Then The Sadness"Thoughts from the dark side
3 total reviews
Comment from JoanneUp
The formatting and line breaks work really well here. It's an effective poem in the sense that it conveys emotions of the speaker. I like the repetitions, i.e., "One", "Of" and "Missing" for example. I wonder if you need the first line, as it is stated in the title? Your second line pulled me right into the process of the poem. The poem succeeds by portraying the numbing of loss, the absence of hope and self-identity. I particularly like "The sadness of the ground" as the personification of the ground conveys the seeping quality of sadness, enhancing the poem's theme.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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The formatting and line breaks work really well here. It's an effective poem in the sense that it conveys emotions of the speaker. I like the repetitions, i.e., "One", "Of" and "Missing" for example. I wonder if you need the first line, as it is stated in the title? Your second line pulled me right into the process of the poem. The poem succeeds by portraying the numbing of loss, the absence of hope and self-identity. I particularly like "The sadness of the ground" as the personification of the ground conveys the seeping quality of sadness, enhancing the poem's theme.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Hi: Iwas just curious. Why did you give the poem 4 stars instead of 5 stars, There were no mispelled words and the flow was good. In fact, you seem to have enjoyed it.
Thanks,
Norm
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Hi Norm: I felt that overall the poem is a very good one - there is only one change I would suggest, which is omitting L1, since changing the title might not be enhance what you wish to express. If there were a 4 1/2, I'd have rated the poem with that. If you haven't already published it, I feel I owe you my best assessment of your poem to guide it towards the perfection it just misses, to this reader's eye. Best wishes! Sincerely, Joanne
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Joanne: I did not want to change the first line so I changed the title to, Thoughts Of Existence. I hope this is better.
Norm
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Great choice of a title! I really feel that it showcases your poem more effectively. I'm very pleased if I have been of help.
Comment from lindalcreel
This was absolutely beautiful. To me it seems like you are describing someone in a deep depression. Heartfelt and captivating. This was well written and well received. Thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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This was absolutely beautiful. To me it seems like you are describing someone in a deep depression. Heartfelt and captivating. This was well written and well received. Thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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I really appreciate the kind words. You are a wonderful human being
Norm
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You are very welcome!
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Did you receive my reviewer of the month nomination?
Norm
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Yes and it was greatly appreciated. Thank you again.
Comment from Redwing
Very emotional piece with sadness and hopelessnes coming through in your words. Numbness is not something we want to live with. Hopefully the happiness will return. Nice Poem. Betty
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Very emotional piece with sadness and hopelessnes coming through in your words. Numbness is not something we want to live with. Hopefully the happiness will return. Nice Poem. Betty
Comment Written 17-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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hanks Betty. I really appreciate the kind words. You are a wonderful human being
Norm