Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

LOL!! She did do it! But he still won't believe it, even when she goes and pushes him over again! Lol. Well done, I thought this was really funny, Bill. I'm surprised it didn't win. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 11-May-2022

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reply by the author on 11-May-2022

Thank you, Sandra. I think 2013 was a tough year for outhouse humor.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Bill,

I must have missed this one at the time of the competition.

I found this very entertaining and I enjoyed the cyclical nature of the piece.


Good fun piece.

GMG
"What do mean? Jim - Hey - you mean?

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2015

Thank you for catching that! Happy day.

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I like this story. Sometimes with a dialogue piece with more than two characters it is really confusing telling the reader who is who, but with this one it didn't take me too long to work it out. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015

Thank you for reviewing. Bill

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Bill, I should say a million times is a lot more than you might think. Ha, the description of the blonde could describe any number of people. Maybe not. *wink*

LOL, this is hilarious Bill. By the sounds of things I believe these people are trapped in a time warp, and in the worst of all places, a port-a-potty on the beach. Ugh, that's gotta be a loud smell by the end of a day.

Thanks for reminding to steer clear of the beach poopers.

Totally fun write, my friend.

Gloria

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2015

Thank you, Gloria, for the great review. Bill

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is a cute write, bill, this made me smile as I read it, poor jim--about to be tipped over in the port a potty again. what's the chance of that happening twice in one day.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Thank you for the great review. Bill

Comment from Mary H-W

Excellent

Way to go, Bill. Great job of the Dialogue Only prompt. I'm not at all surprised, as you have real proven writing talents. This writing captivates me.

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015

Thank you for the great review. Bill

Comment from DanielEkine

Excellent

the drama is impeccable.
the SPAG is remarkable.
it is well written
easy to read and dramatic.

best part.
""I'm sorry buddy that she did that, but -"

"No, no, no! You two were in on it together. You both pushed me over. Admit it!"

"It's not true, Jimmy. Hey, look! Here comes Erin now."

"Or her doubledinger."

"Doppelganger."

"WHAT - EVER!"

"Hey guys!"

"Hi, Erin. The boys were just talking about you."

"Boys? Who's the other boy?" "

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2013

Thanks,Daniel, for taking a look at this.

Comment from purrfect tale

Excellent

Cute story. I loved all the different variations you put in for doppelganger.

All of the follow revolves around the same punctuation rule: Direct address. In dialogue, when one character is talking to another and calls that character by name (or term or endearment or nickname), the name is off set with commas.

Buddy, I'm sorry that she did that.
I'm sorry that she did that, buddy.
I'm sorry, buddy, that she did that.
BTW: First use of 'that' is unnecessary. I'm sorry she did that is better.

"What's up(,) Jimmy? Dave?"

I know it was you(,) Dave.

Listen(,) Jimmy, I'm not IN on anything.

I'm sorry(,) buddy(,) that she did that

"What do (you) mean?

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013

I appreciate the punctuation review. Commas are my downfall.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

I know it was you, Dave - add comma for direct address
I'm sorry, buddy, that she - add commas
I love the dialogue - almost sounded like a vaudeville routine LOL
You convey the personalities of the speakers well in this light-hearted conversation. Good character development and a fun read, especially all those references to doppelganger. LOL :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013

Commas! Thank you for giving this a look.

Comment from SaluteDobby

Excellent

Hi Bill,

This was supremely funny.. Gogenngledopper..what? :) haha. This had me rolling in laughter.(.much to the amusement of my colleagues.)

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013

Thank you for the great review.