Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens

Excellent

Very well done, Norm, I felt your pain in this one, and also the determination to heal. The path of healing is not a straight one......But I am focused... Good post, Carolyn

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2013

I am a fan of yours too. You really are a brilliant writer.

Norm

Comment from zeldasmith

Excellent

I can really relate to this poem. I've been in physical pain for a lot of years...maybe a million..ugh! I don't like that I have to rely on family to do the things I used to do like clean my house and do the laundry....but because of my disability I've come closer to the Lord. Good write.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013

What is your disability?

reply by zeldasmith on 08-Jul-2013

Maybe in 2000 I was doing my evening walk after dinner (I walked to keep my weight off) and on the way back home my hip gave out with searing pain. I didn't fall but I had to sit down on the ground till my husband came with the car to pick me up. I was at that time diagnosed with spinal stenosis. In case you're not familiar with the term, the nerves going down through the spinal column are being pinched by arthritic spurs that over the years have gotten worse probably due to me being over weight. Anyway I was given medication for the pain and on two occasions I'd got those shots in the lower back to numb the pain. I forget the name of the med used. That didn't help but maybe for 3 months and left me with medical bills left over from insurance payments. So I stopped getting them. In 2007 I had a routine check up with my heart doc and he had me take a special blood test to see why I was in so much pain. Come to find out I was positive for Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). I was encouraged to see a rheumatologist. He put me on different medication and told me to stop what I was taking for pain. It was caught in time before my joints were too damaged. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to use my fingers to write or type. I take several medications for that pain in addition to Hydrocodone/Aceteminiphen for my stenosis. In addition to the pills for pain and to keep my T-cells from multiplying and attacking my body...as is with all autoimmune diseases....I get an infusion of Remicade every six weeks....I sit in a lounge chair with an IV in my arm for about 2 1/2 hours. Without that the pain in my hands and elbows is so intense that I can barely wipe myself. I had a bladder infection once and had to stop my Remicade (because it reduces ones ability to fight off infection) until the urologist cleared me to resume my infusions....I cried every time I had to use my hands or arms. I'm not in a wheel chair...for which I am grateul...but I have two different walkers I use. A regular one to get around in the house except for the kitchen....and a roller walker with a seat I use in the kitchen so I can cook and when I go out...which is only to doctors and sometimes to Walmart...since I don't know how far I'm gonna have to walk. I can walk farther ..with the roller...than I can stand long if you can understand that. I can stand about 15 seconds before my back starts paining me and I have to either walk or sit down immediately. I've had so many falls in the past several years and injured my rotor cuffs in my shoulders...can't have surgery on them because I have diabetes and doc said it would take a year or more to heal...so I've learned to live with my limited range of motion. I have exercises to keep them from freezing up on me. In 2008 I was in a car accident. A 20 year old was driving too close, when I slowed down to pull around the car in front of me that was stopped and had right turn signal on, she slammed into my back side right at the tire and close to the gas tank...drivers side... I had my then 4 year old grandson in the back seat. His parents were working and I was on my way to get my back stretched and physical therapy for the stenosis (which helped me stand longer and walk better). He was unharmed but very traumatic for him. My visor was on my right to keep the sun glare out. my head hit the visor which snapped in half and whacked the back of my neck and left a lump the size of an egg. I would've gone out the window had it not been for my seat belt. We were lucky. My car was totaled. When my head hit the visor it messed up my cognitive thinking and memory. I had 5 volunteers in the office of the church where I worked for a long time....one for each day because I had trouble remembering things. 5 months later I had to go out on disability. My memory still gives me trouble but I do puzzles to keep it working. I didn't know it until 2 years after the accident when I had to get another Xray of my neck requested by my lawyer, that the visor cracked one of my vertebrae ....aka a broken neck...that's why for those two years I suffered on and off neck pain....its okay now...The combo of my stenosis; RA and car accident slowed me down quite a bit....then I was only using a cane to get around...I don't use the cane anymore since I don't feel safe walking with it. For many years I was very active in my parish community; I was a pastoral musician--organist; music director; I directed a children's choir for the longest time and directed the Christmas re-enactment during our Christmas Eve family mass. I can't play the organ anymore because I have trouble with my eyes seeing distance plus sitting on the hard bench stressed my back. I was a church organist for 35 years..20 years at the parish where I was secretary. I didn't know it but while I worked there I made a name for myself. I didn't know I was THAT well liked. I'm not tooting myself here...I've just been surprised since I've retired the courtesies I've gotten for my two youngest children who rent their houses from a parishioner. They got really cheap rent given what many homes are today to rent and they didn't have to go through all the red tape, etc.
Anyway I went from very active in my church to nothing...well I did begin an anonymous prayer line in our parish via email that has worked well. It's the one thing I'm able to do to keep connected beside attending Mass.
At home I can still cook but many times I need someone to help with the reaching and heavy lifting because I have very little strength in my arms and hands. I did some canning last year for the first time ever. Put up tomatoes and jam. Getting ready to do again this summer.
I can only tidy up things from a sitting position which isn't much. So usually I employ my 9 or 13 year old grandson to help with dusting; vacuuming; putting clean dishes away, etc. The heavy stuff like bathrooms,etc. my daughter in law does for gas money (my son's hasn't worked in over two years because of his Familiar Spastic Paraplegia); my husband does the laundry; grocery shopping and is so sweet to bring me my breakfast in the living room every morn before he goes to work...I can get my own breakfast but he likes to do it. Then Sundays he fixes me dippy eggs and bacon and toast...on Saturday morns we go to the diner...our weekly date day. My youngest daughter is a stay at home mom and works from her computer. She drops me off at my doctors and my honey picks me up. If shes unable my unemployed son does. The other two kids work full time.
I was depressed for almost two years because I had to rely on others to do the stuff I used to do. But my dear sister in law encouraged me to re=invent my writing....so I decided to take two correspondences courses to hone my craft...though it has taken me longer than usual to complete because of illness and drama in the family...but God has pulled me through it all and and has shown me other ways to be active. I haven't sewn since my kids were tykes...I got myself a new machine and started making comfort pillows. I can crochet; I can still pay the pills and do all the paperwork for the household;...yes God has shown me that I'm still useful to my family. God always opens other doors when the ones we use are suddenly closed.
I am grateful to be alive and a family that loves each other and not bickering; a faithful loving husband of almost 42 years. And as long as I have my meds to keep my pain at bay I'm living....The weather; extreme heat and cold though stresses my body and that's when I feel not so good. Once in a blue moon my body hurts real bad from the RA that I'm in bed for almost the entire day...I was given an extra dose of lyrica for my neuropathy pain but I only took the 3rd dose for two days because it made me too dopey...I want to be able to feel life not doped up on so much medication I can't function. The only reason I agreed to it was because I didn't think it would make me dizzy since I was already taking it. NO THANKS...just take enough meds to ease the pain to bearable. I'd rather have prayers for my family than sympathy for my conditions. God bless you and stay safe.
PS: At one time 25 years ago I was in a lot of mental pain and decided my life wasn't worth living anymore so I took my vial of anti-depresants and was about to swallow them all..but before doing I said: God, if there's a reason for me to live then let me know now before I end my life...at that moment my three year old little girl climbed out of her crib, walked down the hall to my bedroom....(the rest of the family was downstairs watching TV)...she waddled in with her little fists rubbing her eyes and said sobbing: Mommy what me do wit out you? And that my friend is another story to tell.

reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013

Kathy: That is quite a story. We have things in common.

Norm

Comment from Preston McWhorter

Excellent

Good morning,
This is excellent free verse poetry. It has good flow, some rhyme and figurative language. It has an unconventional structure and plenty of white space.
Preston

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013

Thanks for the nice review. I should return the favor.

Norm

Comment from DBastian

Excellent

I really like the visuals that you express through your words and description of working through pain. The optimism is expressed greatly through your conclusion. So, your style of expressing what is going on in your life and then building up to the solution and how you deal with it is very effective.

And the last line, your conclusion certainly puts an exclamation point on your attitude and who you are.

Very nicely done!

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013

Thanks for the review. Pain is hard to deal with.

Norm