BAD GOT A BAD ENDING
A girl goes of the radar and ends up dead5 total reviews
Comment from 4tun81
It is an all to common story. A beautiful child takes a wrong turn and loses everything. Good luck in the contest and thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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It is an all to common story. A beautiful child takes a wrong turn and loses everything. Good luck in the contest and thanks for posting.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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thankyou,i appreciate
Comment from Treischel
This 5-7-5 formatted poem meets the requirements, but lacks any poetic creativity. It seems more like just a passing comment, than a poem. I could mark you way down for that, and am sorely tempted, but you do meet the format, and do convey some information that is sad, making it poignant. If you had rhyme, alliteration, assonance, or enjambment, it would be much better. Instead of a 2, I'll give you a Three. But I certainly am not inclined to read this again and again either.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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This 5-7-5 formatted poem meets the requirements, but lacks any poetic creativity. It seems more like just a passing comment, than a poem. I could mark you way down for that, and am sorely tempted, but you do meet the format, and do convey some information that is sad, making it poignant. If you had rhyme, alliteration, assonance, or enjambment, it would be much better. Instead of a 2, I'll give you a Three. But I certainly am not inclined to read this again and again either.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Thank you,i will try my best next time
Comment from Dean Kuch
While I appreciated the sentiment, I don't think this type of topic lends itself to the brevity of a simple 5-7-5. We need (and want) to know much, much more about this Miss Ann. I realize it is a 5-7-5, but usually, those are utilized to tell a whole, succinct story. This one just kind of leaves you hanging on, reaching for straws.
Decent effort. Nice structure...
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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While I appreciated the sentiment, I don't think this type of topic lends itself to the brevity of a simple 5-7-5. We need (and want) to know much, much more about this Miss Ann. I realize it is a 5-7-5, but usually, those are utilized to tell a whole, succinct story. This one just kind of leaves you hanging on, reaching for straws.
Decent effort. Nice structure...
Comment Written 28-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Thank you,but i like broadening my plot through peoples assumptions,that is why i like the element of suspense
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
Between your description, poem and authors notes, I am wondering what lead to her possibly untimely end. ("Went" doesn't require an apostrophe.)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Between your description, poem and authors notes, I am wondering what lead to her possibly untimely end. ("Went" doesn't require an apostrophe.)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Thank you
Comment from adewpearl
Your poem is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count
drop the apostrophe from went
rotten is a great word choice to convey your meaning
Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Your poem is in excellent 5/7/5 syllable count
drop the apostrophe from went
rotten is a great word choice to convey your meaning
Brooke
Comment Written 28-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013
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Thank you