I Choose Rainbows
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "Days End"Thoughts from the dark side
8 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is well written, sholessjo, but the length got to me. i wanted to turn back halfway through it. that being said, the memories of the man as he tried to fight his way back to civilization were vivid, full of emotion and imagery.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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this is well written, sholessjo, but the length got to me. i wanted to turn back halfway through it. that being said, the memories of the man as he tried to fight his way back to civilization were vivid, full of emotion and imagery.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2013
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I guess I should have broken the poem into several sections. Others have told me the same.
Thanks,
Norm
Comment from SteveY
Wow! What a story. So full of reminising! You are quite the story teller. Keep up the good work and continue with your writing expertise.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Wow! What a story. So full of reminising! You are quite the story teller. Keep up the good work and continue with your writing expertise.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the critiques. Is there anything I can do to improve the poem?
Norm
Comment from kleck140
Although it needs editing because of several misspelled
words,(see some below) it is an interesting story. It would make a great novel with lots more story telling. My opinion is that it is too long for a great poem. But a novel would be great. Just keep writing, with the help here, you will be the next best seller. Spell check is usually found at the bottom of the writings.
The old man (rembered)? should be (remembered)or should it be (rendered)
(broke) down Chevy ? should this be (broken)
loliness ???
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Although it needs editing because of several misspelled
words,(see some below) it is an interesting story. It would make a great novel with lots more story telling. My opinion is that it is too long for a great poem. But a novel would be great. Just keep writing, with the help here, you will be the next best seller. Spell check is usually found at the bottom of the writings.
The old man (rembered)? should be (remembered)or should it be (rendered)
(broke) down Chevy ? should this be (broken)
loliness ???
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the critique. This is my first publication and have a bit to learn.
Norm
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I am a tax accountant so learning is always an ongoing process for me too. Just keep on writing.
Thanks for your quick response.
Comment from country ranch writer
LOVE GONE WRONG AND AFTER THAT HE WAS IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME AND WOUND UP ON THE DINNER TABLE FOR THE WOLVES,THEY HAD A PICNIC OFF HIM TO LAST TILL SNACK TIME IN THE WOLF WORLD.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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LOVE GONE WRONG AND AFTER THAT HE WAS IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME AND WOUND UP ON THE DINNER TABLE FOR THE WOLVES,THEY HAD A PICNIC OFF HIM TO LAST TILL SNACK TIME IN THE WOLF WORLD.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the comments. Is there any way of improving the story?
Norm
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
i have to tell you, i started to read this but it is simply TOO LONG! you are clearly a proficient writer, but you will get more reads if you post this in max of 10 stanza's. best of luck Connie
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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i have to tell you, i started to read this but it is simply TOO LONG! you are clearly a proficient writer, but you will get more reads if you post this in max of 10 stanza's. best of luck Connie
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the help. I shall consider doing that in the future.
Norm
Comment from Darkhorse555
now that as some story about the old man between the wolf and the buzzard they made short work of him i really enjoyed the story you told
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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now that as some story about the old man between the wolf and the buzzard they made short work of him i really enjoyed the story you told
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Dark Horse: Thank you for your review. This is my first sub,session. What do I have to do to improve the poem.
Norm
Comment from Liberty Justice
Wow! This poem story was filled with metaphoric devices, and similes that made this poem thrilling and exciting. Filled with adventure. The setting made the poem even more intriguing and interesting. It was very long, but I read the entire poem. You could make this poem into a novel, and continuing making it into several book chapters.
Liberty Justice
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Wow! This poem story was filled with metaphoric devices, and similes that made this poem thrilling and exciting. Filled with adventure. The setting made the poem even more intriguing and interesting. It was very long, but I read the entire poem. You could make this poem into a novel, and continuing making it into several book chapters.
Liberty Justice
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Liberty Justice; This is my first sublission. I appreciate your comments and wonder what I have to do to improve the poem?
Norm
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This tells an interesting story but could use some editing. I like the lines "He pleased her with vigor and spoiled her with charm." I wanted to point out that a spell-check would be important, as "loneliness" is spelled wrong. Also it is "berserk" and not "bazerk." There is a line where it talk about the wolf waiting to "prance" but I think you mean "pounce." Anyway, this is an interesting poem that seems sort of like a long flashback with scenes from a movie. It definitely has potential with some editing.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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This tells an interesting story but could use some editing. I like the lines "He pleased her with vigor and spoiled her with charm." I wanted to point out that a spell-check would be important, as "loneliness" is spelled wrong. Also it is "berserk" and not "bazerk." There is a line where it talk about the wolf waiting to "prance" but I think you mean "pounce." Anyway, this is an interesting poem that seems sort of like a long flashback with scenes from a movie. It definitely has potential with some editing.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Hi Crystal: This is my first submission. How do I go about editing and what do I have to do to improve the poem. I appreciate your comments and help.
Norm