A swim
Free verse19 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
Very nice free verse poetry! Well-thought out, and executed, and a very satisfying read, with a very happy ending. Thanks for sharing the experience, Allison.
Don
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Very nice free verse poetry! Well-thought out, and executed, and a very satisfying read, with a very happy ending. Thanks for sharing the experience, Allison.
Don
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you for such a nice review!
Comment from Aqua2021
A great poem written in the perfect format.:) Although sadly I felt this poem ended abruptly by just running back to the cabin. Maybe incorporating a feeling between them after, "you eyes gave me a chill, " might be more fitting. Just an idea. :) Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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A great poem written in the perfect format.:) Although sadly I felt this poem ended abruptly by just running back to the cabin. Maybe incorporating a feeling between them after, "you eyes gave me a chill, " might be more fitting. Just an idea. :) Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thank you for your input!
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Allison78, this is such a lovely free-verse poem. I love the beautiful imagery within each line...great job on this. It reads very well aloud. Great rhythm. Short, terse sentences worked very well in this piece. Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Allison78, this is such a lovely free-verse poem. I love the beautiful imagery within each line...great job on this. It reads very well aloud. Great rhythm. Short, terse sentences worked very well in this piece. Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 23-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
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Thank you for such a nice review!
Comment from Bollie
This is a really great poem that's very descriptive which makes the poem come alive by creating a picture for the reader. The title A Swim is used in a literal and what I interpret, in a metaphorical context as well as your lover making your head swim. I'm not sure that that was your intention, but either way an excellent poem.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016
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This is a really great poem that's very descriptive which makes the poem come alive by creating a picture for the reader. The title A Swim is used in a literal and what I interpret, in a metaphorical context as well as your lover making your head swim. I'm not sure that that was your intention, but either way an excellent poem.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the perceptive review!
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You're very welcome Allison.
You did a really good job.
Have a glorious day.
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You're very welcome Allison.
You did a really good job.
Have a glorious day.
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You're very welcome Allison.
You did a really good job.
Have a glorious day.
Comment from RoostyNester
Very sexy! Nice love poem with sweet enduring tender moments of expressed feelings. The most wonderful feeing in the world is to hold that one special person, knowing he feels the same as you do! I still hold mine...I met him 49 years ago.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Very sexy! Nice love poem with sweet enduring tender moments of expressed feelings. The most wonderful feeing in the world is to hold that one special person, knowing he feels the same as you do! I still hold mine...I met him 49 years ago.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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How wonderful, I hope my husband and I get 49 years together, we are going on 20! Thank you for lovely review!
Comment from Pantygynt
A piece of minimalist free verse. Earlier I reviewed a list of colours that was just that. You put the colours into the context of a sunset. Although this poem says v ery little it is rich in imagery and the three events described, the aftermath of the swim, the sunset,and the dash to the cabin come alive. The final line allows our imagination to run riot
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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A piece of minimalist free verse. Earlier I reviewed a list of colours that was just that. You put the colours into the context of a sunset. Although this poem says v ery little it is rich in imagery and the three events described, the aftermath of the swim, the sunset,and the dash to the cabin come alive. The final line allows our imagination to run riot
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the great review, I'm very flattered by your input!
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Allison,
I read through your freeverse poem... gives a romantic flash image of lovers frolicking... when dressing only to undress is fun and spicy.
dark lake,( suggest . or ; instead of comma)
the sun
was setting,
pinks, oranges
purples.
(The only other thing I thought to mention... was wet... was setting. Was is a weak verb. Is there a more descriptive verb you can think if the sentence is phrased: the setting sun's pinks, oranges, purples ?? delight? reflect? whisper night comes?
I figured I would mention that sometimes, if you see a 'was'... and push for a more descriptive verb... it sparks all kinds of possibilities.
You enclosed (nice strong visual... enclosed)
your warm arms around me[,] (suggest no comma)
while the sand
and took everything off.
(great end, has a playful feel to it, a fresh and youthful spring in the footsteps of a fun day of play.)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Hi, Allison,
I read through your freeverse poem... gives a romantic flash image of lovers frolicking... when dressing only to undress is fun and spicy.
dark lake,( suggest . or ; instead of comma)
the sun
was setting,
pinks, oranges
purples.
(The only other thing I thought to mention... was wet... was setting. Was is a weak verb. Is there a more descriptive verb you can think if the sentence is phrased: the setting sun's pinks, oranges, purples ?? delight? reflect? whisper night comes?
I figured I would mention that sometimes, if you see a 'was'... and push for a more descriptive verb... it sparks all kinds of possibilities.
You enclosed (nice strong visual... enclosed)
your warm arms around me[,] (suggest no comma)
while the sand
and took everything off.
(great end, has a playful feel to it, a fresh and youthful spring in the footsteps of a fun day of play.)
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the suggestions, so glad to get some help!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. A swim in a dark cold lake cooled down the whole body, a towel wrapped around quickly helps to warm up. Running to the cabin, taking off that cold wet clothes as soon as possible...
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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A very well-written poem. A swim in a dark cold lake cooled down the whole body, a towel wrapped around quickly helps to warm up. Running to the cabin, taking off that cold wet clothes as soon as possible...
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the review!
Comment from Kazzawin
This is not a long poem but you have encapsulated the moment in your choice of words.
One can feel the evening air and the breathy anticipation.
I like the way you have presented the piece . . . like the undulating water.
Thank you for an enjoyable read : )
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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This is not a long poem but you have encapsulated the moment in your choice of words.
One can feel the evening air and the breathy anticipation.
I like the way you have presented the piece . . . like the undulating water.
Thank you for an enjoyable read : )
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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So glad you can "feel" my poem, thank you!
Comment from Alex Biasin
I liked this.
You painted the picture well with your words, it opened up the images in my mind as I read through it.
I don't know enough about poetry to comment on the technical aspects but I did enjoy this piece and in my view it is very well written.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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I liked this.
You painted the picture well with your words, it opened up the images in my mind as I read through it.
I don't know enough about poetry to comment on the technical aspects but I did enjoy this piece and in my view it is very well written.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it!
