Legacy of the Beast
a prophecy comes to fruition30 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
Werewolves need silver bullets, and/or buckshot. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Werewolves need silver bullets, and/or buckshot. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Thanks, Charlie :-). Yeah, I think buckshot in close quarters sorts out most monsters, lol.
Mike
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You're welcome, Mike. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
No sixes left. Wonderful story. Your usual awesome imagery filled the page. Yes, yes. Do expand on this story I think it would make for a marvelous book and you are definitely the one to write it. Terrific work with this one and a superb entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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No sixes left. Wonderful story. Your usual awesome imagery filled the page. Yes, yes. Do expand on this story I think it would make for a marvelous book and you are definitely the one to write it. Terrific work with this one and a superb entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Thank you, my friend :-). I always do this - I get all my ideas while I'm writing a story, and it ends up too small to hold all the concepts I want to explore. I still want to write Collision Course into a full length book too. At least I won;t be short of ideas for novels!
Mike
Comment from RaymondMann
Not a bad story, I would clean up the dialogue a little, reading it out loud tends to help me. I realize that they are suppose to be country and speak with a bit of a country accent.
In one line towards the beginning of the story she referrers to him as 'bother' and in the rest of the story by name. That stops you, it sounds a little formal and out of character.
I agree with you a longer version would build the characters personality which I think would help this story grow.
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Not a bad story, I would clean up the dialogue a little, reading it out loud tends to help me. I realize that they are suppose to be country and speak with a bit of a country accent.
In one line towards the beginning of the story she referrers to him as 'bother' and in the rest of the story by name. That stops you, it sounds a little formal and out of character.
I agree with you a longer version would build the characters personality which I think would help this story grow.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did an excellent job writing this story about the werewolf prophecy that came to be. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did an excellent job writing this story about the werewolf prophecy that came to be. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Thank you, SWJ :-). I'm really glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from christianpowers
Hi Mike,
Yes, I did enjoy the read. First thing of yours I've had time to read in a while.
I'm pretty spent on werewolf and vampire stories, but this did keep my interest. Even though the simplicity of the 'set up' for irony turned me off and almost made me move on to some other story, I had to keep going if only to see what that jackass Johnson was purposefully not stopping to read.
So, my complaint is that it was a bit obvious in this shortened form, but my praise is for the twist. Anything that can breathe life into the tired old legend of lycanthropy is okay with me.
Good luck in the contest, and I'd love to read a longer version of this where Johnson's not such a dimwitted ass. lol Or, at least, not so obviously a dimwitted ass.
Christian
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Hi Mike,
Yes, I did enjoy the read. First thing of yours I've had time to read in a while.
I'm pretty spent on werewolf and vampire stories, but this did keep my interest. Even though the simplicity of the 'set up' for irony turned me off and almost made me move on to some other story, I had to keep going if only to see what that jackass Johnson was purposefully not stopping to read.
So, my complaint is that it was a bit obvious in this shortened form, but my praise is for the twist. Anything that can breathe life into the tired old legend of lycanthropy is okay with me.
Good luck in the contest, and I'd love to read a longer version of this where Johnson's not such a dimwitted ass. lol Or, at least, not so obviously a dimwitted ass.
Christian
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2013
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Thanks Christian.
Lol, yeah he is a bit of a numpty, isn't he? When I finish my current book, this one will be an option for the next.
Mike
Comment from Ekim777
Well Mike you certainly grab our attention but you choke with your images as launch into your supernatural world. Every paragraph in Italics comes close to being purple passages something only the great American novelist, THomas Wolfe can get away with. Maybe you can cut some of the details or at least through the adjectives overboard. THey are not paying their dues. You could easily create a tragic situation but I think your heavy handed style reduces it all to mellow-drama. Your hero is verbose right up to his dying breath and we breath a sigh of relief. -EKim777
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Well Mike you certainly grab our attention but you choke with your images as launch into your supernatural world. Every paragraph in Italics comes close to being purple passages something only the great American novelist, THomas Wolfe can get away with. Maybe you can cut some of the details or at least through the adjectives overboard. THey are not paying their dues. You could easily create a tragic situation but I think your heavy handed style reduces it all to mellow-drama. Your hero is verbose right up to his dying breath and we breath a sigh of relief. -EKim777
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks for reading through, Ekim. I know I go in for heavy-handed style, and it's the thing that splits my audience. Perhaps this one'll be a 'marmite' story, lol. If more readers comment on it, I'll give it a good rewriting.
Mike
Comment from humpwhistle
Mike, really like the complexity of this story. The way it's intrepreted from the monster's view, the brother's , and the sister's.
I love the language. Your vocabulary allows to elevate this out of the 'genre'.
I'm not certain where the ending leaves us. According to the sister, the monster's death spells doom, or at least that's how I read it. Did I miss something?
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Mike, really like the complexity of this story. The way it's intrepreted from the monster's view, the brother's , and the sister's.
I love the language. Your vocabulary allows to elevate this out of the 'genre'.
I'm not certain where the ending leaves us. According to the sister, the monster's death spells doom, or at least that's how I read it. Did I miss something?
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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lol, thanks Lee. You didn't miss anything - doom it is! Unfortunately I wrote this in snatched snippets through a mad day at work earlier, so I'm still tweaking now. I like to leave something to interpretation but not so much it's directionless.
Mike
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I understand, Mike. It's not directionless.
And, frankly, I always consider it a sign of respect when an author leaves me room to interpret. For what it's worth. L
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Thanks Lee. Was it over-stylised to you? I'm well aware I write on the flowery end of the spectrum, but I enjoy reading stuff like that. I only asked because I got criticised for it but I generally don't respond to individual opinions.
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No, Mike, I really don't think so. I like the language. This sort of story harkens (sorry) back to a more florid temperment and lends itself to dramatic flourishes.
You take Bram Stoker out of Dracula, you wind up with Twilight.
No, Mike, don't listen to those who understand the genre on a Twitter level.
See, that'll teach you to ask for my opinion!
Lee
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The reassurance, much like your opinion, is greatly appreciated :-).
Mike
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend it is a very enjoyable read you bring the characters to life with feeling through out good luck I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend it is a very enjoyable read you bring the characters to life with feeling through out good luck I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thank you, Jill - I'm really glad you liked it :-)
Mike
Comment from beccabootie123
omg! very well done with such a simple prompt, finish the book I will buy it. loved it. formatted well. flowed easily, character and setting easy to see. interested from start to finish. what more do you want. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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omg! very well done with such a simple prompt, finish the book I will buy it. loved it. formatted well. flowed easily, character and setting easy to see. interested from start to finish. what more do you want. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, Becca :-). I'm thrilled you enjoyed the story so much - I wrote it in a mad scramble after the deadline sneaked up on me, and had to fit it in amongst an insanely busy day at work. All things considered, I'm quite pleased with it!
Mike
Comment from sgalletti
Hey Mike! Well, you absolutely grabbed me throughout this piece and kept me on pins and needles with the terror described so well. I know there's been a lot of conversation about "language" on the site of late, but I found your choices to be relevant to the story, and you do provide fair warning. Excellent use of italic paragraphs between non-italic to develop the story. Characters and setting is well-developed, as is the plot and the climax. I was a bit disappointed with the ending. "And thank you" seems a bit trite. I'd like to see you bring the story back full circle to the cold night, which you do develop well in the story. I especially appreciated the juxtaposition of warm, sunny images with the cold terror. A few questions about nit/spags: "seperated" - "separated"? "Prusumption" - don't know this word. "kicked in my..." (by?). Best of luck in this contest. Hugs, Sue
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Hey Mike! Well, you absolutely grabbed me throughout this piece and kept me on pins and needles with the terror described so well. I know there's been a lot of conversation about "language" on the site of late, but I found your choices to be relevant to the story, and you do provide fair warning. Excellent use of italic paragraphs between non-italic to develop the story. Characters and setting is well-developed, as is the plot and the climax. I was a bit disappointed with the ending. "And thank you" seems a bit trite. I'd like to see you bring the story back full circle to the cold night, which you do develop well in the story. I especially appreciated the juxtaposition of warm, sunny images with the cold terror. A few questions about nit/spags: "seperated" - "separated"? "Prusumption" - don't know this word. "kicked in my..." (by?). Best of luck in this contest. Hugs, Sue
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2013
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Sue, thanks so much for your thoughts and suggestions. I wrote this in scraps grabbed from a mad day at work today, so I'm pleased it even makes sense! Will be tweaking this evening. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read :-)
Mike
