Legacy of the Beast
a prophecy comes to fruition30 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
Since I haven't been following the story I probably shouldn't attempt to comment. But even as a stand-a-lone chapter this is chilling. Especially with the events of the past week overshadowing everything else. As I read I thought of a wounded youth cowering in a boat after a senseless terrorist attack. Dramatic story-telling and I wish you well with the entry.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Since I haven't been following the story I probably shouldn't attempt to comment. But even as a stand-a-lone chapter this is chilling. Especially with the events of the past week overshadowing everything else. As I read I thought of a wounded youth cowering in a boat after a senseless terrorist attack. Dramatic story-telling and I wish you well with the entry.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Thank you, Jean - I really appreciate that :-).
Mike
Comment from EmberSnowcat
Excellent work! Perfect for the contest! I loved it from start to finished and was very much hooked! You had just enough description without being overly descriptive. I think you should definitely explore this as a longer story! No spag that I could find. Best of luck to you in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Excellent work! Perfect for the contest! I loved it from start to finished and was very much hooked! You had just enough description without being overly descriptive. I think you should definitely explore this as a longer story! No spag that I could find. Best of luck to you in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Thank you, friend :-). I was quite pleased with this one. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from hemase
Very good piece here. Well written and easy to read you have the beginnings of what could be a very interesting longer story. Good work.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Very good piece here. Well written and easy to read you have the beginnings of what could be a very interesting longer story. Good work.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from barkingdog
Excellent, as always, Mike. This really show what fear with out reason can lead to. Very interesting concept to pursue.
Your characters are fully developed. Dialogue and narration flow well.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Excellent, as always, Mike. This really show what fear with out reason can lead to. Very interesting concept to pursue.
Your characters are fully developed. Dialogue and narration flow well.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, bd - I'm thrilled you liked it :-)
Mike
Comment from Indie Skreet
a good entry for the contest with no obvious grammatical errors or spelling mistakes ........... is rather a long piece but wish you luck, best IndiE
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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a good entry for the contest with no obvious grammatical errors or spelling mistakes ........... is rather a long piece but wish you luck, best IndiE
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Thanks, Indie - really glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike
Comment from dragonman2001
This was an amazing story! I liked your sentence structure and your use of metaphor and simile. I love the strange twist at the end that left the reader thinking and I loved the stories plot. Good work!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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This was an amazing story! I liked your sentence structure and your use of metaphor and simile. I love the strange twist at the end that left the reader thinking and I loved the stories plot. Good work!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, DM. I got lots of ideas ehile I was writing this one, so it may well get expanded in future.
Mike
Comment from Dean Kuch
Absolutely fantastic writing my friend.
An interesting "twist" on the werewolf theme. It seems as if Johnson's lust for blood got the best of him, eh? I really enjoyed reading this.
My ONLY (and I say this only from my perspective, so take it or leave it) is that the ample metaphors seemed a bit forced and over used at times. It's great to get that mental picture in the readers head. On the other hand, it's also good to leave some of it up to the readers imaginations, leave them grounded in reality a bit.
All-in-all, this is a well thought out, expertly crafted story with a helluva' lot of gore and action!
Write-On!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Absolutely fantastic writing my friend.
An interesting "twist" on the werewolf theme. It seems as if Johnson's lust for blood got the best of him, eh? I really enjoyed reading this.
My ONLY (and I say this only from my perspective, so take it or leave it) is that the ample metaphors seemed a bit forced and over used at times. It's great to get that mental picture in the readers head. On the other hand, it's also good to leave some of it up to the readers imaginations, leave them grounded in reality a bit.
All-in-all, this is a well thought out, expertly crafted story with a helluva' lot of gore and action!
Write-On!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much for the great review, Dean :-). I actually agree about the metaphors here - I did go a bit over the top. As a result, this is a bit of a love it or hate it piece. If I had plenty of time, I'd do a thorough rewrite, but for now my current novel takes priority.
Mike
Comment from Selina Stambi
in a warm bed with a warmer wife ... love the phrase!
settled down to listen to my silence. ... this one too.
A bead of sweat slid like a slug down one temple ... and this!
Hi Fleedle,
I can't believe that I'm awarding a six in a genre that I am not particularly interested in!!
This write gripped and kept the reader at the edge of her chair because the writer very cleverly manages to make the story most believable and uncheesy!
You have some fabulous lines in there and the ironic conclusion is fraught with such a poignant regret.
Very, very good work, my friend! :)
Spags:
oversized (no hyphen)
bestial threat (not beastial)
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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in a warm bed with a warmer wife ... love the phrase!
settled down to listen to my silence. ... this one too.
A bead of sweat slid like a slug down one temple ... and this!
Hi Fleedle,
I can't believe that I'm awarding a six in a genre that I am not particularly interested in!!
This write gripped and kept the reader at the edge of her chair because the writer very cleverly manages to make the story most believable and uncheesy!
You have some fabulous lines in there and the ironic conclusion is fraught with such a poignant regret.
Very, very good work, my friend! :)
Spags:
oversized (no hyphen)
bestial threat (not beastial)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much, Reach :-). I'm so glad you liked it, and grateful for the catches. Some have complained it's over-described, but I wanted to give it atmosphere and one can't do that with a dialogue-heavy write. Thanks again for the awesome review.
Mike
Comment from Norbanus
You've set the basis for the tale with lots of opportunity for conflict. So far you have shown us a reason for your protagonist to fight through the difficult situation, but you let him die with the conflict unresolved. Save him through some literary maneuver and bring him back for another segment where the questions raised in this one are concluded.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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You've set the basis for the tale with lots of opportunity for conflict. So far you have shown us a reason for your protagonist to fight through the difficult situation, but you let him die with the conflict unresolved. Save him through some literary maneuver and bring him back for another segment where the questions raised in this one are concluded.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Thanks, Norb. This was only ever going to be a short story. If, in future, I decide to expand on it, I'll start again and write with more depth. For the purposes of now, it needed to stand alone with some exposition left to the readership's imagination.
Mike
Comment from unimatrix001
Excellent story. I love the engine you used for the POV shift. It works great. I was just talking about this exact mechanic with a another friend of mine yesterday.
Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Excellent story. I love the engine you used for the POV shift. It works great. I was just talking about this exact mechanic with a another friend of mine yesterday.
Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Thank you, my friend :-). This one's really split opinion. For every sixer, I get a four or 3 star review (even one 2 star review - not impressed!). I'm really glad you liked it.
Mike
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I have had similar split decisions, and never once have the lower ratings been valid. If I get a low rating I expect a detailed list, containing lots things that need to be corrected, but it's usually just someone's opinion that they didn't like it.
