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All Those Puzzling Pieces

Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "What Have I Done?"
What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?

8 total reviews

Comment from 9999pool

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a great write. Sorry, I cannot give you another sixers as fanstory will get jealous. But the writing is excellent, and the story of a mother's love so huge, it can frighten Loch Ness for sure. The story takes the readers to the concerns and worries of a mother. It was as if the whole story was in dialogue form but without the punctuation.
This is what I called a talented writer and you responded very well in contests for sure. Keep the adrenaline flowing and have a great week ahead
Cheerio, Ritchie.

Comment Written 14-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013

Bless you Ritchie! :)Sharyn

reply by 9999pool on 14-Apr-2013

You have a blessed day too dear. Ritchie :-).

Comment from poesyapprentice

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

I have been reading for nearly an hour and this is the first which moved me enough to want to review. It gave me tears as I connected to the words and emotions of this write. Your son has ADHD? Mine, Aspergers. I had him when I was young, but at 38 (nearly 12 years after him) I had another, a girl. She's 4. (You may remember her picture from a piece I did). I often wonder how the years will unfold with her. You very well deserved this win, my dear! Thank you for sharing this moving piece. xxx

Comment Written 13-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013

Bless you poesy! I'm so glad you 'got' this one! Asperger's, I would think, would be harder to work with than ADHD - so many variations of both though! Wow! Yes, we have all these ideals of parenthood, and then babies are so adorable ... and then, dammit, they grow up and we see the task ahead of us, don't we? And so we carve out our lives. Did you ever read my piece "Wakey wakey, eggs'n bakey?" How funny - I have a 39 year old and a 16 year old, so a 12 year gap, dear, is chicken-feed :))) I was 44 when Kai was born and he's always been a handful - and here was I, expecting a peaceful, angelic little girl. Hmmmm ... bless you for such a lovely six on this one! hardly anyone reviewed these pieces, I notice. :)S

reply by poesyapprentice on 13-Apr-2013

Just glad I had it to give! I love Haibun and I love your variation on the form. (Maybe the length of them discouraged some reviewers. Curious to know which got more reviews, the ones in the contest where promoting was allowed or the one that didn't) Interesting to see your take, too, on what constitutes a haiku. I think not allowing personification is bunk as the old masters used it all over the place. Are we more Japanese than the Japanese? Ugh, lol! Ok, now where was I? ; ) My son Holten has moderate symptoms, which include ADHD ones, but I worked with kids with severe Aspergers and they are generally very violent, so I am extremely thankful that this is one symptom that seemed to miss him! We have those ideals of what it's going to be like and it all goes in the toilet, doesn't it? No need to regret that you didn't have that angel of a girl cuz my oldest is a girl and 23 and was hell on wheels since she was born, LOL! It's difficult sometimes but we were blessed with them for a reason. Maybe the rulers of the universe just knew we were tough enough to handle it ; ) hugs!

reply by poesyapprentice on 13-Apr-2013

Oh and the piece, who could forget a title like that, lol! I did read it, but it's been some time back hasn't it? Tried to find it to refresh the memory but must have missed it in the lot. You can PM it though if you'd like : )

reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013

you mean e-mail it?? only if you want it - I have 2 versions, an original prose version and then I also converted it into a script piece. :)

reply by poesyapprentice on 13-Apr-2013

Yes, you can copy it via Private Message if it isn't too much trouble, or I can give you my actual email if it would be easier. : )I remember when I first started reading your stuff. It was different and I was unsure of the style, but the more I read the more I liked and now you are one of my favorite writers to read! I prefer the prose to the script. Thanks!

reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013

oh good!

reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013

not sure how this will look in PM - if it's awful then just give me your e mail address and I'll send it direct - don't feel socially obligated though! :)S

�??Wakey Wakey, Eggs & Bakey�??
Why do we feel our children are �??ours�?? so therefore, by default, they must be �??like us�?? �?� with similar tastes, talents, strengths, weaknesses?
I have a love of language �?� a fascination with the artistry of the written word. Words are like playthings to me. I look at those big fat dictionaries and feel like Picasso with a million colors.
So when Nalu, my magic child, comes into this world, I assume in my arrogance, that of course he�??ll be a chip off the old block �?? moi. I conveniently forget that �??moi�?? is only responsible for 50% of his gene pool.
Beloved #2 �?? the other 50% - loves books. They make excellent paperweights and can be used to whack a cockroach or a darting cane spider. The book pile by my bed is a handy arsenal �?� and Beloved #2 prides himself on his easy going tolerance, watching my ever growing mountain of books by my bed much as I watch his every growing mountain of dishes in the sink. He knows in both cases though, that these piles will magically �?� disappear.
But a reader? Nope. In fact, I find out, after we�??ve tied the knot and reproduced with foolhardy abandon, reading is a challenge, a chore, hard work. If it�??s not on TV, it�??s probably not worth bothering with.
But my genes are strong, I�??m sure. I�??m determined to be the culturally enriching Perfect Mom. For years, I read to Kai every night. At 7, he has the vocab of a college student, though he�??s still not reading by himself. But I�??m not uptight about it. I don�??t like the pressure cooker idiocies of the education system here and, being the Perfect Laid Back Old Hippie Mom, I encourage him to be his own man �?� Relax, I tell myself, one day he�??ll just pick up a book and start to read �?� when he�??s good and ready.
Until I talk to his teacher, who decides that my son has a �??problem�?? �?� a specific learning problem �?� something to do with visual space perception?
�??But my kid can shoot a basket at forty feet!�??
�??Yes, but can he cut with scissors?�??
�??Well, no, but he�??s a boy.�??
�??And he misbehaves in class �?� doesn�??t focus.�??
�??Yes. He�??s a boy.�??
�??And he can�??t copy shapes or patterns �?� the pre-requisites for writing.�??
�??Yes, he�??s a boy. He keyboards at a hundred miles an hour.�??
�??Get him tested.�??
Of course I do. I�??m a Concerned Parent.
Turns out that my son does see the world differently. Straight lines of writing or numbers become stormy waves of spatial misadventure. Very amenable to therapy though, I�??m assured. So I tell his teacher, suggesting we work together. She�??s a tanned, thin, grey eyed woman �?? softly spoken �?? a softness, one gathers, garnered from years of holding in her annoyance.
�??How soon can you get him out of the school?�??
I stop breathing. This is the school I wish I�??d gone to as a kid �?� full of art and music and literature. My son has friends here. So have we.
But now apparently, with this diagnosis, my son is �?� different. Difficult. Challenged. Disruptive. Inappropriate. One day he�??s bored, so he sits under his desk.
�??How soon can you get him out of the school?�??
�??Aaaah �?� today�??s Wednesday �?� Is Friday soon enough for you?�??
�??Yes. Friday�??s fine. Have you thought about sending him to Horizons?�??
I�??m reeling. �??Horizons�?? is for kids with real difficulties. No one has told me my child has a severe problem �?� just a small spatial perception thing �?� totally amendable to therapy �?� he�??s not autistic �?�
I�??m trying hard to be receptive, not in denial. I�??m a speech therapist. I�??ve seen the look on parents�?? faces when they�??ve assumed their child is �??normal�?? and then �?� there�??s just a little something �?� wrong �?� different �?� I�??ve seen those parents�?? faces �?? the heartbreak in their eyes, the denial �?� the resignation. And the strength of the love that is needed to get them through an unexpected future they never dreamed could be so painful.
Don�??t be in denial Sharyn �?� this woman is paid to know what she�??s talking about. She�??s just telling you what�??s best for Nalu. It�??s not about YOU.
�??Ok. I guess I�??ll check out Horizons.�??
I do. They say Nalu is an ideal candidate. Though he�??s nearly 8, he�??s reading at a less than 5 year old level.
�??Don�??t delay! Start him immediately!�?? says the cheery principal. �??If you get him out of his other school on Friday, he can start with us on Monday!�??
Great.
�??On one condition. I get to sit in on his classes for the week.�??
�??Certainly.�??
�??Wakey wakey, eggs & bakey!�??
That�??s Kevin, a 13 year old autistic boy. He�??ll be in Nalu�??s class.
Great.
�??Is there a sports program? Nalu loves to shoot hoops and play soccer.�??
�??Absolutely! Every lunch time!�?? says the oh-so-bubbly principal.
Nalu�??s surprised when we drive up to his new school on Monday morning. He has no real idea why he�??s being yanked out of one and moved to another. I�??m not so sure either, frankly. But I can hardly tell him the teacher he�??s trusted for 2 years doesn�??t want him in her class any more. I tell him this school is closer to home, not so much driving. He likes that.
Day 1: Horizons Academy. And my non believing heart is breaking.
This is not right. This place is not right.
Shut up Sharyn. Get your ego out of the way.
This place is depressing. It smells depressing.
But I�??m determined to put on a happy face.
I�??m a good parent. The school, not so good. You�??d think the thought of $14,000 walking through the door would be a memory jogger, but no, the school has actually forgotten that Nalu is coming this morning. Miss Oh-so-cheery Principal has forgotten her dire don�??t delay warnings and she�??s also forgotten that I�??m sitting in on the classes. After some furtive whispered conferences I�??m reluctantly shown into the first class with him.
�??Wakey wakey, eggs & bakey!�?? Every 5 mins or so, Kevin chimes in. It�??s a Language Arts class. Some broken coloring pencils in rusty boxes are handed out and for the next stimulating 45 mins the kids get to write down their schedules for the week, on lines two inches long and half an inch apart, first looking at the blackboard and then transcribing to grubby lined paper on their desks �?? the treacherous journey of letters and numbers out of synch.
Helloo �?� my son has a teensy weensy visual perceptual thing and problems with fine motor co-ordination tasks like �?� writing �?� in a half inch space. It�??s all in his file.
The teacher looks like she was born ancient and her nasal monotone drags on, and on, and on. Strike one!
�??Wakey wakey, eggs & bakey!�??
You tell �??em Kevin.
I�??m ready to go sit under the desk.
Ok. Try not to be judgmental, it�??s just the first day and I�??m new to this. What�??s next? Math. Great. The most boring subject in the universe �?� made more boring by a teacher even more boring than the last one. Am I crazy? The Special Ed teachers I know are vivacious and wonderful. These kids need to be stimulated, not put to sleep. The drugs most of them are on are already doing a good job of that.
God, what�??s going on? My head is pounding and I�??m holding back tears.
Control, Sharyn, control. Patience, remember? Not your strong point. Breathe.
Next, geography. Ok. You can�??t screw that up too much. It�??s the shaping and adventure of the world. It�??s where we live.
�??Now, in front of you is a map of the United States of America.�??
Ok. Got it so far.
�??In the box beside you are 50 cardboard pieces, cut out in the shapes of the 50 state. Match the shape of the pieces to the shapes of the states on the map. Then you can color them in.�??
Great. My child is 7 yrs old and has a visual spatial problem. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THIS?
Nalu sits beside me, bored and ashamed.
�??I�??ll help you,�?? I whisper. �??This is a bit nutty, isn�??t it? Don�??t worry, lunch is next, and they say they�??ve got basketball. Then your favorite �?? computers. Then we get to go home. �??ray!
Strike TWO.
Patience, Sharyn. Don�??t be hasty. Don�??t judge. Smile.
Finally, lunch. Nalu can go eat, shoot some hoops, do his favorite things �?� maybe the day will be fine after all.
Inside, I�??m screaming. Are you SURE, are THEY sure, this is where my son belongs?
That�??s what they told me.
I am in despair.
Lunchtime! Yeah! All the kids troop outside, sit, and eat. And sit. And sit. And sit. Jaws are the only thing being exercised at this school.
�??Wakey wakey, eggs & bakey!�??
Nalu sits on a bench, alone, shoulders hunched, not saying a word. I finally find the rusty basketball hoop �?? in the car park, surrounded by cars �?? obviously not used for years.
My head is exploding. So this is where you think my son belongs? This is the best you can do?
Shut up Sharyn. Breathe.
After lunch, the lesson Nalu�??s been looking forward to �?� my �??carrot�?? for getting him here �?� the love of his life �?� computers. �??Horizons�?? has one last chance to shine.
Everyone ambles into the computer room. Everyone, that is, except the teacher, who is nowhere to be found and the room is dark. Fifteen minutes later, the teacher is still nowhere to be found. Nalu takes the initiative, turns on a computer, starts to play a game. Half the computers in the room do not work.
Finally, the teacher honors us with his presence. He�??s a dry little stick of a man with the charisma of a flea. He reprimands Nalu for playing a game, first asking his name of course, because he doesn�??t have a clue who he is, or who I am either, or why the hell we�??re here. He explains the fun activity for the day. The kids get to make a CALENDAR �?? ooooh goody, 30 tiny squares on a computer screen, and we get to fill in the numbers. Oh by the way, he dithers �?� the program hasn�??t been installed on half the computers �?? the half that actually turn on. By now, most of the class is sitting staring into space.
Strike. Fucking. THREE!
Nalu hesitantly looks up at me.
�??Stay right here. I�??ll be back.�??
I walk out of the classroom without excusing myself, stomp down a flight of shabby wooden steps, and accost the secretary who hasn�??t moved all day, probably all year.
�??Is the principal in her office?�??
She nods timidly towards the door, which is open.
�??Good.�??
I march in. MISS oh-so-cheery-forgot-you-were-coming-forgot-to-read-your-file is slurping her coffee behind her desk. I don�??t sit. I lean over her, and enunciate slowly, carefully.
�??I will not be coming back tomorrow, or ever. Neither will my son. My son does not belong here. No one belongs here. Don�??t bother cashing my check.�??
I turn to leave, but realize I�??ve forgotten something. Something important. I turn back to her.
�??By the way, your Language Arts teacher has the personality of a dead fish.�??
I return to the computer class, walk in, hold out my hand to Nalu.
�??We�??re going home.�??
I look at the teacher.
�??We won�??t be back.�??
Nalu and I burn out of the room, down the steps and head for car, Nalu running to keep up.
�??Mom! Mom! Wait!�??
One tear is starting to drip down my cheek. I wipe it away angrily, before Nalu can see it.
�??Mom �?� did I do something wrong?�??
Oh God, he thinks it�??s all his fault! I�??m so wrapped up in my own personal indignation I�??ve forgotten why I�??m here.
Right there, in the car park, beside that damned antique basketball hoop, I kneel on the scratchy gravel and put my arms around my small blonde haired son, my special child.
�??You did nothing wrong, little guy. You�??re perfect �?� just the way you are. Now, do you want to go and say goodbye to Kevin?�??
�??Yes �?� he�??s funny �?� isn�??t he?�??
**************
Six months later, one of Nalu�??s friends is over on a play date and very proudly claims to be able to read �??Eragon�?? �?? a densely worded 700 page adventure story about a boy and his magic dragon. I can see Nalu taking in this information.
�??Let me see.�??
Frowning, he opens the heavy book/ and starts to read it aloud �?? fluidly, fluently �?� words like playthings �?�
�??Nalu! You can read!�??
He looks up at me, surprised, and laughs.
�??Wakey wakey! Eggs & bakey!�??
The other 50% has finally kicked in.
Children.
Perfect.
Just the way they are.

reply by poesyapprentice on 13-Apr-2013

I think that was the longest review reply in history, lol! I loved the story!!! I was wrong. It must have been another with a fun little title I had mistaken for this one as I know I would have remembered reading this. I actually teared up when you left that awful school and your son had thought he had done something wrong and you took the time to reassure him that he hadn't. You were very open in this write, genuine, vulnerable. It's one of the reasons I like to read you. You're real! I know that denial you speak of. I've seen it in parents, in my own husband. My situation was a little different. I knew my son was special and although the teachers could see too they kept telling me he would outgrow it. I had to fight to get him tested, for them to get off their lazy asses and act before it was too late and he fell thru the cracks. He's dyslexic. You don't outgrow that. (Three years in a phonics program and he learned to cope. He can read and comprehend, loves Greek Mythology, but he can't spell to save his life and since he is 16 I doubt that he ever will be able to. Writing is still torturous although he can tell you a story and quote you an entire infomercial, lol!) He has Aspergers, you don't outgrow that. I can't afford a special school or to move out of the middle of nowhere so I'll be closer to good places for therapy, nor can I afford the travel, so I have to rely on the local public school and myself to help my son. I think it is wonderful that you sat with your child that first day! We see, we doubt, we listen to our hearts, and we do our best. Ultimately, a mother knows.

reply by the author on 13-Apr-2013

aah - glad you got this one! I honed it down and concentrated it into a script as well. Kai, my son, is 16 too - and is still giving schools a run for their money - and so am I, of course! Thx for taking the time to read this one poesy! (You'll see by the length why I was surprised at your suggestion of PM) :)

reply by poesyapprentice on 13-Apr-2013

Lol! You realize you didn't PM it but posted here in review replies instead of in a private fs email? ; ) I enjoyed it no matter where you put it, lol! And I'm bet you are giving them a run for their money! Awesome!

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this haibun-esque prose about motherhood and child rearing and surviving the teenage years. i wish you the best of luck in the contest.

Comment Written 11-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013

thx sweets!

Comment from bob cullen

Excellent

I really don't know how to describe this style of writing, but I do know your entry has captivated me totally. It provokes emotional response, it presents the reality of the unexpected and it shows the human ability to overcome every difficulty.

Becoming a parent at that age instils fear, I had trouble in my twenties

Comment Written 11-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013

it is a strange style, isn't it Bob? thx so much for your review!

Comment from lorijean

Excellent

A late baby, beautiful, a very descriptive and loving, telling all of this experience, the picture is just perfect, a new birth......

Comment Written 11-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013

thx lj!

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

'like other other kids. God I wish I had one of those!' take out one 'other' it sounds like the readers got a stutter
Good poem well written good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing

Comment Written 11-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013

thx for catching that damned typo dear! got it!

Comment from djsaxon

Excellent

Sensational throughout. Gotta cop a virtual sixpack because is a miserly SOB. The through line and emotional gamut is truly wonderful. Intelligent,honest, and heartfelt. Cheers -DJ

Comment Written 11-Apr-2013

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013

thx so much DJ! So much appreciated as this is a somewhat unknown form for me!

Comment from Sirach11

Excellent

heart rendering and i enjoy the prompt driven style, you kicked it.

thoughts: fingers (plural)

afraid of you ( could stand alone, new stanza)

i'm going to assume other other is intentional because i found it effective as i did the place, flush left, of "rage"

Pain subsides. Cant remember. Hormones do the forgetting.
(disregard as you wish)

personally, this is the kind of poem you dont want to read, because you dont know how to make things better, but that you have to read.

good job, Blessings.

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