Cold Dead Hands
One girl's personal struggle to survive nuclear winter.63 total reviews
Comment from chasennov
'Cold Dead Hands.' A Nuclear disaster is nobody's cup of tea. I enjoyed the dramatisation of this chapter very much and I thought you formulated the story well.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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'Cold Dead Hands.' A Nuclear disaster is nobody's cup of tea. I enjoyed the dramatisation of this chapter very much and I thought you formulated the story well.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Thanks for taking the time to read it and give your opinions on it, chasennov. I certainly appreciate it!
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You're very welcome.
Comment from lmjandbooks
It was a very original and thoughtful piece of work. You've thought of ways that she could survive and you've used items effectively. I would have preffered the ending to be slightly more drawn out - perhaps with them coming inside? I really enjoyed it though.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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It was a very original and thoughtful piece of work. You've thought of ways that she could survive and you've used items effectively. I would have preffered the ending to be slightly more drawn out - perhaps with them coming inside? I really enjoyed it though.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Thanks very much for you time spent reading this, Imjandbooks, as well as for your suggestions. I do appreciate your points of view...
I have made a brief extension to the ending, as per your suggestion, and, I must admit, based upon the reviews posted after yours, it has had a profound effect on the readers. I sincerely thank you for that. I believe it reads much better now myself!
Comment from adewpearl
As for dad, he's chained up - Dad because it's used as his proper name in this sentence
same thing when you talk about dad's/Dad's smell
Aunt Joyces' house - Joyce's - singular possessive
I like how his thoughts and spelling and writing deteriorate as conditions grow more and more intolerable
great descriptive detail in this very very grim story
Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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As for dad, he's chained up - Dad because it's used as his proper name in this sentence
same thing when you talk about dad's/Dad's smell
Aunt Joyces' house - Joyce's - singular possessive
I like how his thoughts and spelling and writing deteriorate as conditions grow more and more intolerable
great descriptive detail in this very very grim story
Brooke
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Thanks for those corrections, Brooke. I will fix them ASAP. I appreciate you reading it and giving me your opinions about it. Yes, it is grim, but I should think if something like this were to happen, the world would be a very dark, grim place to be...
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I totally agree - not every story has to be a feel good tale with a happy ending :-)
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Yeah, thanks. In that sort of situation, I don't expect there would be too many of those. Happy endings, I mean...
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, dean, you did an excellent job writing this story about the teenager that survived the nuclear winter and documented the days spent. I enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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this is very well written, dean, you did an excellent job writing this story about the teenager that survived the nuclear winter and documented the days spent. I enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Than you very much, sweetwoodjax. I appreciate that. It's always nice when someone takes the time to read your longer pieces.
Comment from Gungalo
This is good Dean but it needs a little help. Your picture is what is making it off the screen.
The story is gory but great in that it may actually happen one day. Ohhh God forbid.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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This is good Dean but it needs a little help. Your picture is what is making it off the screen.
The story is gory but great in that it may actually happen one day. Ohhh God forbid.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much, Gungalo. I always can use and appreciate a little help. I certainly thank you for yours...
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Smile Deann.
Comment from mohiro
Cold and quite brazen. The genre you are writing in needs a talent like yours. It's a great make believe world. Or did it really happened? Or what if it's going to happen? Your words are powerful and evocative. The characterization is great, too. The picture compliments the story.
This is absolutely gory. Who is going to save our world impending nuclear threat?
Good piece. Keep the good work going.
Best wishes always.
Mohiro.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Cold and quite brazen. The genre you are writing in needs a talent like yours. It's a great make believe world. Or did it really happened? Or what if it's going to happen? Your words are powerful and evocative. The characterization is great, too. The picture compliments the story.
This is absolutely gory. Who is going to save our world impending nuclear threat?
Good piece. Keep the good work going.
Best wishes always.
Mohiro.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013
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Thanks very much for your uniquely interesting thoughts and perspectives, Mohiro. I really enjoy a 'thinking man's ' reader. You sure seem to be one!
Thanks again, I appreciate it. And hey, don't be a stranger. I'll be around...
Comment from Quillian
There you go!
Oh, this is just so good. And creepy. The things I liked best; the wind, this just fits in so well with nuclear winter, the fact that her Mom just disappeared and he doesn't really know what happened to her, and that knowing, relentless, horror that she will be eating her father. Ugh.
Spag to check; ' flowered butt planed on a pew'(planted?)
'human persuation' (persuasion?) 'tremendous white falsh'(flash?). Nice, nice writing..
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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There you go!
Oh, this is just so good. And creepy. The things I liked best; the wind, this just fits in so well with nuclear winter, the fact that her Mom just disappeared and he doesn't really know what happened to her, and that knowing, relentless, horror that she will be eating her father. Ugh.
Spag to check; ' flowered butt planed on a pew'(planted?)
'human persuation' (persuasion?) 'tremendous white falsh'(flash?). Nice, nice writing..
Comment Written 05-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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Thanks Quillian. Darn SPaG. I must fire my editor! Wait a sec...I AM the editor. Oh well.
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I wish I knew what you disliked about it to rate it four stars. I would have gladly endeavored to fix it...if I knew?
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I gave you a four because of the reason's I listed. I guess I wasn't clear and for that I sincerely apologize. The Acronym SPAG stands for SPelling and Grammar. You had spelled planted as planed,persuasion as persuation and flash as falsh. If that didn't come through again I apologise. Are we OK?
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Sure, we're OK. JM da Silva will do that for me too, at times. If he reviews a story and sees SPAG, he will give me four stars, and tell me that when I fix it, he will upgrade the rating...which he does. How about you?
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Well, yeah! That's what we;re here for, right? Keep up the good work, Dean. Quill
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Well, yeah! That's what we're here for, right?
Keep up the good writing, Dean. Quill
Comment from Macsween
I really liked this. You have reviewed a lot of my work recently and its time to repay the favour. This was excellent and certainly horrific. You could feel what the character was feeling and the story was enthralling. The isolation was written well and I liked how the story switched to a voice recording. The descriptions of the aftermath of the bomb were great and it added to the vibe of the story. This should be a strong contest entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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I really liked this. You have reviewed a lot of my work recently and its time to repay the favour. This was excellent and certainly horrific. You could feel what the character was feeling and the story was enthralling. The isolation was written well and I liked how the story switched to a voice recording. The descriptions of the aftermath of the bomb were great and it added to the vibe of the story. This should be a strong contest entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much. I am glad that you liked it. It was a fun piece to write.
Comment from alexgeorge
The part about him being normal, 'as an old lady's flowered butt planed on a pew at Sunday morning service' was priceless. Your sense of humour continues with humping Blitz. Then you take us through the torment with the days counting on until he is forced to cannibalism.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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The part about him being normal, 'as an old lady's flowered butt planed on a pew at Sunday morning service' was priceless. Your sense of humour continues with humping Blitz. Then you take us through the torment with the days counting on until he is forced to cannibalism.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Thank you alexgeorge, I am glad you felt the grip of these cold, dead hands...
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of drawing the reader in from the start. The writer makes this story exciting and really sends chills to the reader. The transitions this piece well and does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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The writer does a good job of drawing the reader in from the start. The writer makes this story exciting and really sends chills to the reader. The transitions this piece well and does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Thanks RR. I am glad you felt the icy grip of these Cold Dead Hands...
