Cold Dead Hands
One girl's personal struggle to survive nuclear winter.63 total reviews
Comment from Mark Alan Trimeloni
Everything was normal a few days ago.
Unfortunately, for you Dean nothing stays normal for long.
I was going to create the cure for Alzheimer's Disease and spare all future grandchildren from having to witness their grandparents waste away in a nursing home.
A rather noble end I'd say.
dog mutilated on the living room floor, zombie dad groaning and grunting in the toilet--I'd say that I was doing pretty damn good. Peachy keen, even.
OMG. How disturbing.
As for Dad, he's chained up in the bathroom, secured with an old bicycle lock and chain I found in the garage.
C'mon, Dean. Let the old man romp a bit.
Ever wondered what fried, nearly spoiled bologna tastes like cooked with gasoline?
Oh, gross.
Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with newspaper?
I find the sports section to be most pleasing on my quivering buttocks.
I always wuh-wonderd in some morbid, curious way, what huh-human flesh tasted like. Too bad it isn't exactly fresh. I'm fu-full now and I'm tired. Oh so tired.
I'd come over for dinner, but oddly enough I'm on a diet.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Everything was normal a few days ago.
Unfortunately, for you Dean nothing stays normal for long.
I was going to create the cure for Alzheimer's Disease and spare all future grandchildren from having to witness their grandparents waste away in a nursing home.
A rather noble end I'd say.
dog mutilated on the living room floor, zombie dad groaning and grunting in the toilet--I'd say that I was doing pretty damn good. Peachy keen, even.
OMG. How disturbing.
As for Dad, he's chained up in the bathroom, secured with an old bicycle lock and chain I found in the garage.
C'mon, Dean. Let the old man romp a bit.
Ever wondered what fried, nearly spoiled bologna tastes like cooked with gasoline?
Oh, gross.
Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with newspaper?
I find the sports section to be most pleasing on my quivering buttocks.
I always wuh-wonderd in some morbid, curious way, what huh-human flesh tasted like. Too bad it isn't exactly fresh. I'm fu-full now and I'm tired. Oh so tired.
I'd come over for dinner, but oddly enough I'm on a diet.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Hah, You never cease to amaze me with how damn hard you make me laugh every time I read one of your hilarious reviews, Mark. Don't ever change. Stay just the way your are!
Thanks, Mark, I really appreciate it! ;)
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
Holy Moses, where do you come up with all the sound affects...I stopped reading with...dog mutilated on the living room floor, zombie dad groaning and grunting in the toilet--I'd say that I was doing pretty damn good. Peachy keen, even...son, I'm an old woman, I have no troubal rating this a five but I want to sleep tonight so I leave the rest of the story to be told. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Holy Moses, where do you come up with all the sound affects...I stopped reading with...dog mutilated on the living room floor, zombie dad groaning and grunting in the toilet--I'd say that I was doing pretty damn good. Peachy keen, even...son, I'm an old woman, I have no troubal rating this a five but I want to sleep tonight so I leave the rest of the story to be told. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Hah, I love ya' Evelyn. You are a very special lady!
Thanks for at least giving it a go...
Comment from gene roush
This is good.
It has a nice opening it hooks the reader well.
I think the middle drags a bit.
The narrative has the voice of an eighteen year-old.
nice job
Thanks for sharing,
gene
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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This is good.
It has a nice opening it hooks the reader well.
I think the middle drags a bit.
The narrative has the voice of an eighteen year-old.
nice job
Thanks for sharing,
gene
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thanks for the insightful review, gene, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review this for me, and for your feedback on it. I appreciate it all!
Comment from Tina McKala
Wow, this was dark! And morbid and terrifying in the sense it was so real and eventually possible. You created perfect intense atmosphere of fear and lost expectations. Everything changed in a second. Creative write. Your narration was perfect! I liked mainly the parts showing her confusion - like did I tell you that already? I must go check my notes... etc. It made your protagonist very real and alive.
oblivious to what was happening outdise // OUTSIDE
Spetimber 8, 2066 Tuhrsday // the typos in dates are intentional? because there are some also in each case
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Wow, this was dark! And morbid and terrifying in the sense it was so real and eventually possible. You created perfect intense atmosphere of fear and lost expectations. Everything changed in a second. Creative write. Your narration was perfect! I liked mainly the parts showing her confusion - like did I tell you that already? I must go check my notes... etc. It made your protagonist very real and alive.
oblivious to what was happening outdise // OUTSIDE
Spetimber 8, 2066 Tuhrsday // the typos in dates are intentional? because there are some also in each case
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thanks so much, Tina, for such an enthusiastic review and a more than generous rating. I also appreciate you pointing out that spelling snafu! I certainly don't want that!
thanks again for investing the time to read and review this for me. I sincerely appreciate it!
Comment from c_lucas
You wrote the whole post with out using, "Zombie" This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, Making for a good read. Very good Job.
Error
Funny though,while (oblivious to what was happening outdise (outside)
Correct spelling ( notoriously
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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You wrote the whole post with out using, "Zombie" This is very well written with an interesting flow of words, Making for a good read. Very good Job.
Error
Funny though,while (
Correct spelling ( notoriously
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much for the wonderful review, Charlie, and for catching those spelling snafus, I really appreciate it!
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You're welcome, Dean. Charlie
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi Dean,
Your dystopian story packed a wallop. I really enjoyed the diary format, and the deterioration as days passed by. The musical soundtrack only added to the suspense, an eeriness and void of what was.
I was glued to every word. Great job!
Some books you might like that is a similar genre to your story; The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and Orax and Crake by Margaret Atwood.
Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Hi Dean,
Your dystopian story packed a wallop. I really enjoyed the diary format, and the deterioration as days passed by. The musical soundtrack only added to the suspense, an eeriness and void of what was.
I was glued to every word. Great job!
Some books you might like that is a similar genre to your story; The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and Orax and Crake by Margaret Atwood.
Best of luck with the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much, Rosalyne, for such a wonderful and informative review, as well as the generous rating you saw fit to apply to it. All is sincerely appreciated. I will be sure to check out the books you've mentioned. I will let you know what I thought about them, too, if interested...
Thanks so much, again!
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
This is soon good, my friend. Well written and very entertaining. You had me holding my breath until the very end. I wish you well in the contest. It was my pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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This is soon good, my friend. Well written and very entertaining. You had me holding my breath until the very end. I wish you well in the contest. It was my pleasure to read.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Why, thank you so much, KYPollard/ElGato, for such an enthusiastic and positive review! After receiving a four star rating from a fellow fanstorian earlier who said she really liked this piece, except for the ending, I was beginning to have my doubts about it. Then, I checked their profile, saw one, meager eight line poem posted there, and became her fan. Other than hers, the reviews have been quite positive overall. I thank you for taking the time to read and review it, sincerely!
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You deserved it. It is a great read and wonderfully executed.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Dean,
This story is a little long for my tastes but once I started to read no way could I stop. It kept me on the edge of my seat throughout and in some way I was hoping it was all a dream. You have written this so well and if it doesn't win the contest something is really wrong. In the beginning and almost throughout the sounds coming from my speakers were loud and scary. You have a gift and never stop writing whatever you do. Good luck in the contest...chey
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Hi Dean,
This story is a little long for my tastes but once I started to read no way could I stop. It kept me on the edge of my seat throughout and in some way I was hoping it was all a dream. You have written this so well and if it doesn't win the contest something is really wrong. In the beginning and almost throughout the sounds coming from my speakers were loud and scary. You have a gift and never stop writing whatever you do. Good luck in the contest...chey
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Why, thank you chey, for such a wonderful review! Using the sounds has become my calling here, if you will, my trademark. I try to incorporate them into the story, to draw you in, make you feel as if you're a 'part' of it, rather than just a casual reader taking a quick glimpse. I want you to be put smack-dab in the middle of the prose. That's been my intent, anyway, since I started doing it.
As for winning the contest? I doubt it. I fare very well in contests voted upon by fellow readers such as yourself, and can't thank you all enough for your continued support of what I do. But the 'Faceless FanStory Committee' obviously doesn't hold me in high regard, for I have not so much as placed in the countless number of contests I have entered sponsored by them. So be it. I don't do it for them, but for readers such as yourself. The fact that it entertained you? That's reward enough for little ole me!
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There was no way I could score this story with anything less that a six. I have won a few site contests, few being the operative word! I don't know why I bother to enter them anyway. You are so welcome for the review and six....chey
Comment from Isaac Kavik
A truly nice short story. Ther were very few wasted words in the narritive, as should be with short stories and the ending was well written. The use of descriprives adjectives used throughout were outstanding.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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A truly nice short story. Ther were very few wasted words in the narritive, as should be with short stories and the ending was well written. The use of descriprives adjectives used throughout were outstanding.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review this for me, Isaac. I sincerely appreciate it!
Comment from WR25--Gregory Dupree
Cold Dead Hands--a story very worthy of publication. I liked the special sound effects. Is the end a cliff-hanger for another chapter? Or is it left to our imaginations as to what happens next? It's always good to read work that's not only well-written, but has a decently thought-out, researched plot.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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Cold Dead Hands--a story very worthy of publication. I liked the special sound effects. Is the end a cliff-hanger for another chapter? Or is it left to our imaginations as to what happens next? It's always good to read work that's not only well-written, but has a decently thought-out, researched plot.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2013
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The ending, I had given a lot of thought to, Gregory. Think of it in relation to a horror flick, along the lines of the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre. What you don't see in that movie is the parts that stay with you the longest. I suppose, then, this ending would leave it up to you, the reader, as to decide the poor girl's fate.
I certainly appreciate your intelligent review of this. Your time spent reading this is greatly appreciated, as it has gotten few looks, and I am desperately trying to get reader feed-back from it. I do appreciate yours, and I thank you!
