Cold Dead Hands
One girl's personal struggle to survive nuclear winter.63 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Maybe not the scariest thing I've ever read, but it's getting up there!
You obviously put a lot of time and effort into this, not least with the sound effects. The journal format is also a great way to go, allowing you to show the deterioration in your narrator while also creating something of a bond between reader and character.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Maybe not the scariest thing I've ever read, but it's getting up there!
You obviously put a lot of time and effort into this, not least with the sound effects. The journal format is also a great way to go, allowing you to show the deterioration in your narrator while also creating something of a bond between reader and character.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Ha, probably not THE scariest, but it did get under your skin a bit, no? I'm glad you got the journal format, and how it was designed to illustrate my poor girls rapidly deteriorating state of mind. Good pick-up on that.
Thanks for the generous rating, as well as for those 'good luck' wishes, kiwi. Since this is a contest voted upon by "THE COMMITTEE", I have no doubts I'll need all the luck that I can get!
Comment from gaangel62
OMG....I was on pins and needles through the whole read, never knowing until the end what was going to happen to her Father. Very well written. Wonderful, wonderful story..
Angie
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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OMG....I was on pins and needles through the whole read, never knowing until the end what was going to happen to her Father. Very well written. Wonderful, wonderful story..
Angie
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Thanks for such a generous rating, and the enthusiasm you display for my work. If people such as yourself keep getting excited and entertained by it, then rest assured, I'll keep on doin' it!
Comment from Titan Black
Very seldomly do I like reading long chapters from
the writers on this site. But this story had my attention
from beginning to end. This reminded me of the movie
called "Out Break". You did an amazing job writing this.
And oh, how close to reality this really is! I just can't say enough about your writing skillz. Bravo!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Very seldomly do I like reading long chapters from
the writers on this site. But this story had my attention
from beginning to end. This reminded me of the movie
called "Out Break". You did an amazing job writing this.
And oh, how close to reality this really is! I just can't say enough about your writing skillz. Bravo!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Nor I, pertaining to those skills of your own, my friend. I really do thank you for such a fantastic review...
Comment from Leineco
A well ordered believable tale. You wisely did not try to go into the minutiae of exactly what went wrong (that wasn't the point of the story). You did an excellent job depicting her decline. And the ending was realistic. Well done :-)
Just a couple housekeeping details to consider
Sept 6th - Para6 I think It's works better than It is (...night now)
Para 14 - I think ...takes it to heart... works better than take it to heart
Sept 2nd - I think His spit his....is supposed to be He spit his....
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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A well ordered believable tale. You wisely did not try to go into the minutiae of exactly what went wrong (that wasn't the point of the story). You did an excellent job depicting her decline. And the ending was realistic. Well done :-)
Just a couple housekeeping details to consider
Sept 6th - Para6 I think It's works better than It is (...night now)
Para 14 - I think ...takes it to heart... works better than take it to heart
Sept 2nd - I think His spit his....is supposed to be He spit his....
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Thanks for such an in depth review, Leineco, I appreciate it. I'll take a look-see on those suggestions you've made, thanks for that!
Comment from trevorletang
Dean you are the new Stephen King! What an icy thrilling eerie piece of work. You have mastered this genre and it obviously is a true talent. Well ddone
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Dean you are the new Stephen King! What an icy thrilling eerie piece of work. You have mastered this genre and it obviously is a true talent. Well ddone
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Whoa! The new Stephen King? I am flattered. But, I sure hope ole Stevie don't hear you say that, lol...
Thanks for such an enthusiastic review and for that wonderful compliment, trevorletang. It's for people just like yourself that I keep on doin' what I do...
Comment from GregoryCody
Ha, Well done man. well done. Again, Where do you come up with this? genius at it. I Love how you list the dates. Reminds me of The Shining. Your descriptions are fantastic and your internal dialogue is superb. It also flows brilliantly as a story. I hope you win! This IS your genre.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Ha, Well done man. well done. Again, Where do you come up with this? genius at it. I Love how you list the dates. Reminds me of The Shining. Your descriptions are fantastic and your internal dialogue is superb. It also flows brilliantly as a story. I hope you win! This IS your genre.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Thanks very much, Gregory. As you know, your opinion always means a lot to me, my friend! As for winning the contest? Don't hold your breath. Unless, of course, you've got lungs like a shark. Then by all means, hold away!
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Hahaha. Well I'm rooting for you. You got my vote!
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And honestly, just for the record, even if I didn't know you personally I would still be blown away by your writing and give you the same reviews. I'm pretty honest about that. So in other words; Great Job! ;)
Comment from TOMORAL
Wow..this was spellbinding with all the spooky music and spooky writing. I couldn't put it down until I found out what happened the next day. Great ending. Great book. Thanks, my hands are shaking now so I can hardly type!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Wow..this was spellbinding with all the spooky music and spooky writing. I couldn't put it down until I found out what happened the next day. Great ending. Great book. Thanks, my hands are shaking now so I can hardly type!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013
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Shaking hands, that's good, TOMORAL. Means that I'm doin' my job, and my job is to scare the livin' daylights outta you, lol.
Thanks so much again, my friend...
Comment from Max Edon
I am really sick of all the vampire and zombie stories but I just loved reading this. It was really scary and very original. The sound effects were creepy.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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I am really sick of all the vampire and zombie stories but I just loved reading this. It was really scary and very original. The sound effects were creepy.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thanx very much, Max, I am happy you gave it a go! I intentionally avoided the term 'zombie' because, you're 100% right, it's far too over done. However, based on my research for this story, it was frequently said by nuclear physicists and many scientific studies that the initial onslaught of radiation poisoning would turn any survivors caught outdoors into brain-fried, raging lunatics until, eventually, death overtook them. That's where the 'screamers' come in...
Thanks again for the indepth review and the most generous rating!
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You are welcome
Comment from Antonin70
There is no way this does not rate six, nor any way that it should not win the contest.There is little doubt in my mind that I have just read the best piece of American prose put up on FanStory since I have been a member. I would love to know the age of the writer as I feel certain that only somebody aged between seventeen and 21 would be so appallingly scared of a putative nuclear white out as this girl is.But the detail and reality of her narration is stunning. Even down to making it impossible to get the date written down correctly when typing towards the end, everything is believable. Her total sanity through all this revulsion makes her either a heroine or someone who just does not know how to give in. What she conceals best, however, is why she is not mutilated like everyone else. I hope the clue is in the second paragraph where she says she wants to study neuroscience. This is the one discipline I can think of that might keep her sane. But it would still take a very strong mind and will for her to last even to the point where the story ends.A brilliant piece of writing. I just hope she can sleep at night. Anton
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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There is no way this does not rate six, nor any way that it should not win the contest.There is little doubt in my mind that I have just read the best piece of American prose put up on FanStory since I have been a member. I would love to know the age of the writer as I feel certain that only somebody aged between seventeen and 21 would be so appallingly scared of a putative nuclear white out as this girl is.But the detail and reality of her narration is stunning. Even down to making it impossible to get the date written down correctly when typing towards the end, everything is believable. Her total sanity through all this revulsion makes her either a heroine or someone who just does not know how to give in. What she conceals best, however, is why she is not mutilated like everyone else. I hope the clue is in the second paragraph where she says she wants to study neuroscience. This is the one discipline I can think of that might keep her sane. But it would still take a very strong mind and will for her to last even to the point where the story ends.A brilliant piece of writing. I just hope she can sleep at night. Anton
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much, kind sir, for your in depth, outstanding review! I was blown away by the overall enthusiasm, and it is for people like yourself who 'get it' that I will always endeavor to do what I do, to the best of my limited abilities.
Thanks so much, again!
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Your welcome Dean. Although I now know you are not a female teenager I still wonder how you sleep with an imagination like that. But, seriously, it really was the best American prose story I have read on this site, and far outstrips most of the pullitzer prize winners of my lifetime- and I've read them all. Compare this to 1,000 acres, for example, and you are in a league of your own. Keep them coming, I'm all eyes. Thanks . Anton
Comment from Kidlike101
Very dark, well written but the middle part dragged on a bit.
The sound effects were just too much, I ended up switching the sound off to focus on the piece itself.
Nice ending!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Very dark, well written but the middle part dragged on a bit.
The sound effects were just too much, I ended up switching the sound off to focus on the piece itself.
Nice ending!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2013
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review this for me, Kidlike101, I appreciate your comments and insights...
