Cherry Blossoms Echo Spring
Just waiting for blossoms to bloom- Spring4 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Hi girl, it should be echo in your title and not echoes. Wrong plural. You write in lovely and brings the thought of spring. Sigh.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Hi girl, it should be echo in your title and not echoes. Wrong plural. You write in lovely and brings the thought of spring. Sigh.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2013
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Thanks for your suggestion. Gungalo
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Smile.
Comment from tedanytime
Dazzling idea with rainbow and cherry blossoms.
Suggestions if I may:
eliminate first "the"
eliminate "is" in second line
change "solely the" to something else like, "sadly cherry..."
someone told me to get rid of articles, still trying!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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Dazzling idea with rainbow and cherry blossoms.
Suggestions if I may:
eliminate first "the"
eliminate "is" in second line
change "solely the" to something else like, "sadly cherry..."
someone told me to get rid of articles, still trying!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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Thank you for your comments. tedanytime
Comment from softlyfalling
This is so very very close to perfect! In a way, the stumbles in syntax are charming and speak of a gifted poet who is writing in a language not yet wholly mastered. Would you like to hear just a couple of ideas to perfect the syntax, offered respectfully?
In line one...perhaps you could eliminate the articles as they wasted space in such a short poem without adding ANY detail or power...
Rianbow fills the sky
In line two: the use of any form of the verb "to be" is usually not very enlightening or compelling...just toss it out and change the verb it modifies...
dazzling in Spring light
in line three, "solely" is, indeed, synonymous with "only" but to me, it sounds very out of place here..like you are saying the blossoms are all alone, instead of saying they are all that does not stay...
only the cherry blossoms
the rest is perfect, so
rainbow fills the sky
dazzling in spring light
only the cherry blossoms
do not linger
how can that be?
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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This is so very very close to perfect! In a way, the stumbles in syntax are charming and speak of a gifted poet who is writing in a language not yet wholly mastered. Would you like to hear just a couple of ideas to perfect the syntax, offered respectfully?
In line one...perhaps you could eliminate the articles as they wasted space in such a short poem without adding ANY detail or power...
Rianbow fills the sky
In line two: the use of any form of the verb "to be" is usually not very enlightening or compelling...just toss it out and change the verb it modifies...
dazzling in Spring light
in line three, "solely" is, indeed, synonymous with "only" but to me, it sounds very out of place here..like you are saying the blossoms are all alone, instead of saying they are all that does not stay...
only the cherry blossoms
the rest is perfect, so
rainbow fills the sky
dazzling in spring light
only the cherry blossoms
do not linger
how can that be?
Comment Written 13-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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Humble Thanks, I will consider your suggestions.
Comment from 9999pool
Everyone seems to wait for spring to come. The cherry blossoms will bloom and rain down its pink beautiful flowers onto our heads and the ground.
Somehow, spring is delaying its face to greet us and we sulked and became impatient.
Good write of spring about to awaken but still too early to tell.
Cheerio, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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Everyone seems to wait for spring to come. The cherry blossoms will bloom and rain down its pink beautiful flowers onto our heads and the ground.
Somehow, spring is delaying its face to greet us and we sulked and became impatient.
Good write of spring about to awaken but still too early to tell.
Cheerio, Ritchie.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
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Humble Thanks, Ritchie
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Welcome. Cheers. Ritchie.
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Thanks,
