The Ripple Effect
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Past Waterloo Sunset"A couple's tour about England takes many turns....
2 total reviews
Comment from chasennov
'Past Waterloo. Sunset.' This work is very well formulated allowing formal structure and a good rounding of the body to encompass a strong extension to the narrative. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
  |
'Past Waterloo. Sunset.' This work is very well formulated allowing formal structure and a good rounding of the body to encompass a strong extension to the narrative. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
-
Hi, thanks for review ... bill
-
You're very welcome, Bill.
Comment from Linda Lee
This is a wonderfully humorous piece that with a little cleaning up can be a fabulous one too.
There are just small little technical things that are holding this back. For instance, Tilly's ruby red lipstick "Her ruby lipstick puckers as she waits for his response." Lipstick doesn't pucker-lips do. "gently spoken" in brackets which isn't good novel form. In a couple of spots, you have emdashes breaking up the sentence structure causing needles fragments (as in the sentences were well constructed without the dash).
Overall, while I did enjoy the content, my eye kept catching these small technical things that with a quick edit could take care of.
Fun read overall.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
 |
This is a wonderfully humorous piece that with a little cleaning up can be a fabulous one too.
There are just small little technical things that are holding this back. For instance, Tilly's ruby red lipstick "Her ruby lipstick puckers as she waits for his response." Lipstick doesn't pucker-lips do. "gently spoken" in brackets which isn't good novel form. In a couple of spots, you have emdashes breaking up the sentence structure causing needles fragments (as in the sentences were well constructed without the dash).
Overall, while I did enjoy the content, my eye kept catching these small technical things that with a quick edit could take care of.
Fun read overall.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
-
Thank you Linda Lee for the corrections in the review I change what I saw that I could and I hope you enjoyed the story thank you very much for review it..... Bill