Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "To Kill a Fly"A Boy's Story of the rural South
35 total reviews
Comment from dannyleonn
Delightful.
Sentences I truly enjoyed:
They were green in the days when people just thought it was just a color.
and the final paragraph.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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Delightful.
Sentences I truly enjoyed:
They were green in the days when people just thought it was just a color.
and the final paragraph.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2013
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You've been a real trooper to go back through the archives. I appreciate it. Bill
Comment from CR Delport
Interesting story that is very well written. This story doesn't sound familiar so I need to go back and read the other chapters. I didn't spot any obvious errors.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Interesting story that is very well written. This story doesn't sound familiar so I need to go back and read the other chapters. I didn't spot any obvious errors.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading and your comments. I hope you do get a chance to read earlier chapters. Bill
Comment from odd1out
well i guess i should go back and read the previous chapters, just from this one chapter though it got me interested and engaged and made me want to keep reading on. good work, keep up the writing!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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well i guess i should go back and read the previous chapters, just from this one chapter though it got me interested and engaged and made me want to keep reading on. good work, keep up the writing!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading the chapter. I hope you do circle back. Bill
Comment from Selina Stambi
I begin to smile when I commence on another chapter of Rabbit's antics.
I can just picture that wonderful, lazy summer and all the goings on.
Look forward to more.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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I begin to smile when I commence on another chapter of Rabbit's antics.
I can just picture that wonderful, lazy summer and all the goings on.
Look forward to more.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from Transper
Good chapter. I enjoyed reading about the flies. So intriguing to be paid for killing them. Interesting education angle introduced by explaining about fly reproduction numbers. Sibling conflict was nicely developed.
Who is your intended audience? Kids would be the likely consumers for this piece. Make it relevant to them by dropping the reference to a bygone western.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Good chapter. I enjoyed reading about the flies. So intriguing to be paid for killing them. Interesting education angle introduced by explaining about fly reproduction numbers. Sibling conflict was nicely developed.
Who is your intended audience? Kids would be the likely consumers for this piece. Make it relevant to them by dropping the reference to a bygone western.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading and for your interesting comment. I've never thought of kids as the intended audience, even though this is written POV a nine year old boy. Hopefully, you can circle back to earlier chapters. Regards, Bill
Comment from Axiom Gray
This story really sounds amazing. I enjoyed myself the whole way through. The word choice is sound, and the flow of the language was smooth throughout. Well done!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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This story really sounds amazing. I enjoyed myself the whole way through. The word choice is sound, and the flow of the language was smooth throughout. Well done!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading and your kind feedback. Regards, Bill
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I often felt the same way when my four boys were growing up. Anyway, my father's parents were called, Mammy and Pappy. Loved your story and I grew up with Gunsmoke too.
My Grandma Louise (I am pretty sure the my makes grandma have a lower case 'g', but I am not positive.)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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I often felt the same way when my four boys were growing up. Anyway, my father's parents were called, Mammy and Pappy. Loved your story and I grew up with Gunsmoke too.
My Grandma Louise (I am pretty sure the my makes grandma have a lower case 'g', but I am not positive.)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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Hi Barbara - you no doubt are a saint as well. I'm not sure of the capitalization or not. Usually, after a pronoun it is lower case. Bill
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
A very vivid scene, I too, like Rabbit listening to the radio, can see the settings and characters playing out on my head.
A really pleasurable read, will drop by on another, for sure.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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A very vivid scene, I too, like Rabbit listening to the radio, can see the settings and characters playing out on my head.
A really pleasurable read, will drop by on another, for sure.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading Karen and your kind comments. Bill
Comment from Righteous Riter
This is interesting from the start. The writer reveals a distaste for the characters and the anticipation of a conflict is set in the mind of the reader. The suspense of the reader is heightened because the reader wonders why these two can't get along. The transition between events is smooth. This story is well balanced and the pace is consistent. The writer does a good job of bring this story to a close. Good work.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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This is interesting from the start. The writer reveals a distaste for the characters and the anticipation of a conflict is set in the mind of the reader. The suspense of the reader is heightened because the reader wonders why these two can't get along. The transition between events is smooth. This story is well balanced and the pace is consistent. The writer does a good job of bring this story to a close. Good work.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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Thank you for reading and for your comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from nor84
Old shifty-eyed, John asked>>>comma not needed before 'John'. Old Shifty-eyed is just an adjective phrase.
Wow. Never knew chickens liked tomato worms. Well we didn't have chickens long, just mostly during the war for meat and eggs.
Good story. Makes me glad I didn't have siblings my age.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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Old shifty-eyed, John asked>>>comma not needed before 'John'. Old Shifty-eyed is just an adjective phrase.
Wow. Never knew chickens liked tomato worms. Well we didn't have chickens long, just mostly during the war for meat and eggs.
Good story. Makes me glad I didn't have siblings my age.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2013
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Thanks for reading and your feedback. Bills
