After The Picnic
A boy remembers summer116 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This sounds like a good time was had by all. All except Grandma, but she wass the last one standing there... with the kids. Right? LOL Great homey story Bob. Loved it. Nancy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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This sounds like a good time was had by all. All except Grandma, but she wass the last one standing there... with the kids. Right? LOL Great homey story Bob. Loved it. Nancy
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thanks again, Nancy. :) Bob
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You bring back lots of good memories of summer night's with the family with this poem, Bob. The collapsing chair, tipsy laughter, and the ever-present cicadas, fireflies and bullfrogs. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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You bring back lots of good memories of summer night's with the family with this poem, Bob. The collapsing chair, tipsy laughter, and the ever-present cicadas, fireflies and bullfrogs. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thanks again, Nancy. :) Bob
Comment from Pantygynt
This is an excellent poetic description of an "event". It is more than a snapshort, more a short video as it makes the scene come alive throught. The end is very strong, as endings should be even though it is the least "active" part of the poem. Its imagery is perfect.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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This is an excellent poetic description of an "event". It is more than a snapshort, more a short video as it makes the scene come alive throught. The end is very strong, as endings should be even though it is the least "active" part of the poem. Its imagery is perfect.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I'm really so glad you liked it, Jim. Your input is important to me and always has been. :) Bob
Comment from aryr
This was so enjoyable to read, Bob. It brought back some fond memories of childhood. It seemed like it was always the boys against the girls, until I became the Indian Princess and advised the boys it was my job to take scalps. LOL. But I remember catching fireflies, listening to the adult trade stories and jokes (most of them I didn't understand until later in life). It was well written, had lots of descriptive details, great job, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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This was so enjoyable to read, Bob. It brought back some fond memories of childhood. It seemed like it was always the boys against the girls, until I became the Indian Princess and advised the boys it was my job to take scalps. LOL. But I remember catching fireflies, listening to the adult trade stories and jokes (most of them I didn't understand until later in life). It was well written, had lots of descriptive details, great job, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thyanks again, my friend. I appreciate it. :) Bob
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You are once again so very welcome. Alie
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Thanks again, Alie. I don't know why I getyou mixedm up with "apky" LOL Bob
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Thanks again, Alie. I don't know why I getyou mixedm up with "apky" LOL Bob
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It's okay, others have done so, I just roll with it.
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:) Bob
Comment from Sis Cat
I do have to say, Bob, that I am surprised that you have pulled off some of the best free verse I have read on FS or elsewhere, but I should not be surprised because you are a writer's writer. I've read a lot of poetry and what I like about yours is the natural lenghts of your lines which follow pauses, periods, and clauses. This draws me into hearing your conversational voice in a way I do not hear when a poet's lines run roughshod over clauses and pauses, and they misuse commas and periods, forcing the reader to pause where he should not. I appreciate that given what I have read of other poets.
Next comes your vivid descriptions which draw me to your Michigan summer:
The ice chest sat by the garage.
It had after-picnic slush inside,
This is a precious sight because who hasn't seen this? Few would mention this detail, but it says a lot and creates an emotional snapshot.
It was sticky out, like "don't touch me" hot,
and none of us boys had shirts on.
This is another brilliant line for those who remember such heat we can feel on our skins.
Your memories unroll, creating a kaleidoscope of summer associations.
I love the natural, one line pauses between stanzas such as:
She didn't like beer.
It creates a rhythm and a break from the density of descriptions.
I do have to say, Bob, that this is fine free verse with a flow of words that appear effortless but is well-crafted, and precise. The crazy idea that occurred to me as I began reading was "You should write a book of poetry." You have a great talent for it and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I do have to say, Bob, that I am surprised that you have pulled off some of the best free verse I have read on FS or elsewhere, but I should not be surprised because you are a writer's writer. I've read a lot of poetry and what I like about yours is the natural lenghts of your lines which follow pauses, periods, and clauses. This draws me into hearing your conversational voice in a way I do not hear when a poet's lines run roughshod over clauses and pauses, and they misuse commas and periods, forcing the reader to pause where he should not. I appreciate that given what I have read of other poets.
Next comes your vivid descriptions which draw me to your Michigan summer:
The ice chest sat by the garage.
It had after-picnic slush inside,
This is a precious sight because who hasn't seen this? Few would mention this detail, but it says a lot and creates an emotional snapshot.
It was sticky out, like "don't touch me" hot,
and none of us boys had shirts on.
This is another brilliant line for those who remember such heat we can feel on our skins.
Your memories unroll, creating a kaleidoscope of summer associations.
I love the natural, one line pauses between stanzas such as:
She didn't like beer.
It creates a rhythm and a break from the density of descriptions.
I do have to say, Bob, that this is fine free verse with a flow of words that appear effortless but is well-crafted, and precise. The crazy idea that occurred to me as I began reading was "You should write a book of poetry." You have a great talent for it and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Ahh, you are so good to me, Andre. It feels good to have someone acknowledge my poetry in such glowing terms. LOL...Makes me want to go write another one...right now. Bless you, my friend. This is a wi=onderful, in-depth review and if I have any niminations left...you will get one. Bob
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Yes, Bob, write another one right now!
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LOL. Bob
Comment from c_lucas
Summer nights in Georgia brought out the mosquitoes, each could almost cover a quarter. There is a standing joke they almost won the state bird contest. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Summer nights in Georgia brought out the mosquitoes, each could almost cover a quarter. There is a standing joke they almost won the state bird contest. This is very well written.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate your checking in. Are you originally from jawja? Bob
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Born and raised near the swamps of Georgia.
Comment from frogbook
Ha! What a great description of this summer evening. I had to love it anyway with the name JoAnn, (or a version) and frogs too! LOL. Seriously this was superb with tons of imagery and told in a conversational tone so that the reader chased the frogs and landed alone on the porch with grandma, right along with you.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Ha! What a great description of this summer evening. I had to love it anyway with the name JoAnn, (or a version) and frogs too! LOL. Seriously this was superb with tons of imagery and told in a conversational tone so that the reader chased the frogs and landed alone on the porch with grandma, right along with you.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thanks so much, JoAnn. I sincerely liked this review. Very insightful all the way. Bless you, Bob
Comment from johnwilson
This piece, as is all your work which I've read, is befitting that sixth star. The poem was hilarious, so true to life--memories have a way of being a nothing while they're happening, until you realized your passing time was so home. Your version of summer happenings was flawless! I loved the line" lost their faces to the creeping dark". Actually, there isn't a word I didn't enjoy here!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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This piece, as is all your work which I've read, is befitting that sixth star. The poem was hilarious, so true to life--memories have a way of being a nothing while they're happening, until you realized your passing time was so home. Your version of summer happenings was flawless! I loved the line" lost their faces to the creeping dark". Actually, there isn't a word I didn't enjoy here!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thanks so much, John. I appreciate you. :) Bob
Comment from jenintorre
This is a great free verse story in a poem. It is so descriptive and atmospheric that I could almost feel like I was there. Definately a six starrer. Best wishes Jen.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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This is a great free verse story in a poem. It is so descriptive and atmospheric that I could almost feel like I was there. Definately a six starrer. Best wishes Jen.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Awww. Thanks so much, jenin. I appreciae your time and comments. Go summer! Bob
Comment from Miriam Collins
Wonderful poem and what a nice summery story! It makes me excited for summer, swimming, lemonade and a good book! I love the imagery you created through the story like, "after picnic slush" such a great detail. I also loved the new take on the sound of crickets as singing like "sopranos", very clever. And a very relatable dialogue was the line, "It was sticky out, like "don't touch me" hot," we have all been there, so great job on creating a nice sensory relation for your readers. I so enjoyed reading your poem, you are an excellent writer.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Wonderful poem and what a nice summery story! It makes me excited for summer, swimming, lemonade and a good book! I love the imagery you created through the story like, "after picnic slush" such a great detail. I also loved the new take on the sound of crickets as singing like "sopranos", very clever. And a very relatable dialogue was the line, "It was sticky out, like "don't touch me" hot," we have all been there, so great job on creating a nice sensory relation for your readers. I so enjoyed reading your poem, you are an excellent writer.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much, PP. (name please? LOL) I am so fortunate to have you reading my work. You seem very intelligent and gifted in your own right. I will definitely be reading your writing. :) Bob
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LOL! It's Kelsey.
