Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "In Your Sights"A Boy's Story of the rural South
18 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is a marvelous and sad story of learning the value of life and the responsibility that goes with having something that can harm someone. Very, very well done. I wish I had a six to give you for this.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2013
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This is a marvelous and sad story of learning the value of life and the responsibility that goes with having something that can harm someone. Very, very well done. I wish I had a six to give you for this.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much for circliing back! Bill
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Thank you so much for circliing back! Bill
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
bhogg:
I remember all too well when my brother received his first
BB gun for one of his birthdays (he'll be 65 tomorrow). He
used it to shoot rats around our barn. One day, a younger
foster brother got hold of the gun and shot me in the left
arm while I was gathering wood for our wood heater. Luckily
for me, it was really cold out so I had a heavy jacket on.
I still had a nasty bruise to show for my trouble. My older
brother got punished for not putting the gun up where it belonged after he used it. There were long lectures about the fact I could have easily been hit in the eye. I could really hear your voice in this piece.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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bhogg:
I remember all too well when my brother received his first
BB gun for one of his birthdays (he'll be 65 tomorrow). He
used it to shoot rats around our barn. One day, a younger
foster brother got hold of the gun and shot me in the left
arm while I was gathering wood for our wood heater. Luckily
for me, it was really cold out so I had a heavy jacket on.
I still had a nasty bruise to show for my trouble. My older
brother got punished for not putting the gun up where it belonged after he used it. There were long lectures about the fact I could have easily been hit in the eye. I could really hear your voice in this piece.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Hi Jan - thanks for reading and I enjoyed your comments. Bill
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was a pivotal chapter. Rabbit learned the value of life from Virge and he also got a shooting lesson. I think Rabbit and Virge are very strong characters and you make their alliance so real. This was a great chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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This was a pivotal chapter. Rabbit learned the value of life from Virge and he also got a shooting lesson. I think Rabbit and Virge are very strong characters and you make their alliance so real. This was a great chapter.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading and the compliment of the six! Bill
Comment from Frank Atwood
Pretty nice simple chapter. This being a chapter in a book I guess the book is about the boy at his grandparents for a summer. I thought you did very nice and made a good point. Unless you're going to eat it, you don't kill it. It's sad we have many who kill for the thrill and care not about the meat.
Very good. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Pretty nice simple chapter. This being a chapter in a book I guess the book is about the boy at his grandparents for a summer. I thought you did very nice and made a good point. Unless you're going to eat it, you don't kill it. It's sad we have many who kill for the thrill and care not about the meat.
Very good. Keep writing.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thanks Frank. Hope you read some previous chapters. Bill
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Thanks Frank. Hope you read some previous chapters. Bill
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I looked at your profile and you are a very accomplished writer on this site. I myself can't truly review such a writer with your talent, when I myself am not learned enough in sentence structure or puntuation rules as I write only what comes to my mind and my reviews are based on truths based not in rules, but life and how I interpret it through my own life.
As I follow not the laws of the land, but the laws within that touches my heart, mind and soul. God bless
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I hate guns, but I will fight for peoples' right to own one. I enjoyed reading this story and I think it's a good idea that you are putting this into print.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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I hate guns, but I will fight for peoples' right to own one. I enjoyed reading this story and I think it's a good idea that you are putting this into print.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Hi Barbara - Thanks for reading. Most of this is true, especially this chapter. My brothers and Dad were hunters. I never was. Bill
Comment from Adri7enne
"Grandma's house IS old..." WAS. Stay consistent with the past tense.
"It was a great day to just LAY there." LIE
"Yes, Ma'am(,)". The comma should be inside the quotation marks.
I'm reading this thinking how well you bring us to that time and place. Virgil was a perfect friend for a young boy. He knew how to inspire the heart as well as the mind. "My tears ran on to the dead bird." Touching!
Well done, Bill.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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"Grandma's house IS old..." WAS. Stay consistent with the past tense.
"It was a great day to just LAY there." LIE
"Yes, Ma'am(,)". The comma should be inside the quotation marks.
I'm reading this thinking how well you bring us to that time and place. Virgil was a perfect friend for a young boy. He knew how to inspire the heart as well as the mind. "My tears ran on to the dead bird." Touching!
Well done, Bill.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thank you for reading Adri and for your willingness to help. I very much appreciate both. Bill
Comment from James crofoot
Very cool. Reminded me of my first daisy and shooting tin cans at my great gramma's farm. This caught my attention pretty quick and I think I'm going to bookmark it for my neice, Really cool lesson in here and told in a cool story.
one thing though, there was this sentence I couldn't get my head around --- 'O course, food was cooked there, but unless company came, we ate there.'
I think I would write it -- Of course food was cooked there and, unless company came, we ate there.
What do ya think?
peace
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Very cool. Reminded me of my first daisy and shooting tin cans at my great gramma's farm. This caught my attention pretty quick and I think I'm going to bookmark it for my neice, Really cool lesson in here and told in a cool story.
one thing though, there was this sentence I couldn't get my head around --- 'O course, food was cooked there, but unless company came, we ate there.'
I think I would write it -- Of course food was cooked there and, unless company came, we ate there.
What do ya think?
peace
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Hi James - thanks for reading and the suggestion. I'll circle back and take a look. Regards, Bill
Comment from gypsycaravan
Well, this chapter is definitely a stand alone masterpiece. The characters are charming and well-described. The story and moral attached are excellent. You can't excel at anything at the expense of someone or something else. I also like the point that gun safety was stressed. Good job. One small suggestion:
I think since the following sentence is meant to be in the present, it should read like this, "Today, I'm nine." instead of "Today, I was nine."
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Well, this chapter is definitely a stand alone masterpiece. The characters are charming and well-described. The story and moral attached are excellent. You can't excel at anything at the expense of someone or something else. I also like the point that gun safety was stressed. Good job. One small suggestion:
I think since the following sentence is meant to be in the present, it should read like this, "Today, I'm nine." instead of "Today, I was nine."
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thank you for reading and your comments. I'll take a look at your suggestion. Regards, Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
Well down, Bill. I particularly like the pacing and the economy of this chapter. Hard to write about a boy and his BB gun without evoking A Christmas Story, but you managed a nice sidestep on that one.
Virge is a goldmine character.
Keep it up, Bill.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Well down, Bill. I particularly like the pacing and the economy of this chapter. Hard to write about a boy and his BB gun without evoking A Christmas Story, but you managed a nice sidestep on that one.
Virge is a goldmine character.
Keep it up, Bill.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading Lee and the compliment of the six. This has been interesting to write, because most is true. Of course, I've had to "humpwhistle" around the truth a little bit. I've killed a lot of brain cells in the last 54 years. Bill
Comment from PoeticXscape
A young man called Rabbit learning to use a gun.....very well done. The story was enjoyable. I liked his realtionship with the other characters.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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A young man called Rabbit learning to use a gun.....very well done. The story was enjoyable. I liked his realtionship with the other characters.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2013
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Thlanks for reading. I hope you get a chance to circle back to previous chapters. Bil
