Rabbit
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Rabbit, Chapter One"A Boy's Story of the rural South
49 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
Hi,Bhogg. I love your story. I'll have to read the other chapters. 'Uncle Remus and Br'er Rabbit' use to to be one of my favorite stories. Too bad we don't ever see that book anymore. How can a book be bad when it's just a part of history? People were once slaves. This doesn't mean that we approve of slavery because we enjoyed the story.
April
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Hi,Bhogg. I love your story. I'll have to read the other chapters. 'Uncle Remus and Br'er Rabbit' use to to be one of my favorite stories. Too bad we don't ever see that book anymore. How can a book be bad when it's just a part of history? People were once slaves. This doesn't mean that we approve of slavery because we enjoyed the story.
April
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Hi. April - thanks so much for circling back! Regards, Bill
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You're welcome, Bill. :o)
April
Comment from nomi338
I am so glad I took your advice and read this chapter. These characters are people I can easily care about. Their activities and their adventures are interesting and I already can't get enough of reading about them. I must read chapter two now that I have read chapter one.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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I am so glad I took your advice and read this chapter. These characters are people I can easily care about. Their activities and their adventures are interesting and I already can't get enough of reading about them. I must read chapter two now that I have read chapter one.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Thank you for circling ! I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter. Bill
Comment from Shadow Pahn
Thanks for the heads up!
You seem to have a knack for picking an innocent picture for your work and than surprise the reader by hitting them on the blind side! Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the heads up!
You seem to have a knack for picking an innocent picture for your work and than surprise the reader by hitting them on the blind side! Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to circle back and read! Bill
Comment from Sally Carter
Bill, what a delight to see you back posting again. And all about my favourite character, Virgil! I am so glad if you are making a book of your life.
I really want to give this a 6, but to be honest there is a bit of editing needed. If you agree, then let me know, because I'd love to up the stars.
I recently had a discussion with another US writer, and it seems there are differences in the way we in the UK use commas compared to you folk in the US, so hope nothing I say sounds too wrong. These are the parts that I think need a little tweak:
Certainly, not the focus of all knowledge, - comma needed after "certainly".
The prospect for the entire summer was just too much. -- it may be different language usage, but on first reading I thought you didn't want to go to your grandparents' home, ie it was too much to tolerate. As I read on it became clear that this was going to be a huge treat, but if you are planning to promote this internationally it might be worth fine tuning in some way.
The two mules played little attention to any one -- paid?
They were big old mules. One named Red and the other, Buck.-- They were big old mules, one named Red...
smelly, farts -- no comma required
His rows look amateurish -- looked
Of course he did to the Rabbit's delight. -- Of course he did, to the Rabbit's delight. Or even a dash.
My bookend on the left is an old black man named Virgil Gates -- since you have already mentioned Virgil, I might say something like "... an old black man - the aforesaid Virgil Gates."
Although that looks like a lot of criticism, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. You have a wonderful gift for storytelling, and your character shines through in a most appealing way. For a Brit, it's a fascinating glimpse of life in another country. I love Virgil! Fantastic pictures throughout, including his walk.
I really think if you can get the editing sorted out, this has huge potential as a "real" book. I'd buy it, for sure.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Bill, what a delight to see you back posting again. And all about my favourite character, Virgil! I am so glad if you are making a book of your life.
I really want to give this a 6, but to be honest there is a bit of editing needed. If you agree, then let me know, because I'd love to up the stars.
I recently had a discussion with another US writer, and it seems there are differences in the way we in the UK use commas compared to you folk in the US, so hope nothing I say sounds too wrong. These are the parts that I think need a little tweak:
Certainly, not the focus of all knowledge, - comma needed after "certainly".
The prospect for the entire summer was just too much. -- it may be different language usage, but on first reading I thought you didn't want to go to your grandparents' home, ie it was too much to tolerate. As I read on it became clear that this was going to be a huge treat, but if you are planning to promote this internationally it might be worth fine tuning in some way.
The two mules played little attention to any one -- paid?
They were big old mules. One named Red and the other, Buck.-- They were big old mules, one named Red...
smelly, farts -- no comma required
His rows look amateurish -- looked
Of course he did to the Rabbit's delight. -- Of course he did, to the Rabbit's delight. Or even a dash.
My bookend on the left is an old black man named Virgil Gates -- since you have already mentioned Virgil, I might say something like "... an old black man - the aforesaid Virgil Gates."
Although that looks like a lot of criticism, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. You have a wonderful gift for storytelling, and your character shines through in a most appealing way. For a Brit, it's a fascinating glimpse of life in another country. I love Virgil! Fantastic pictures throughout, including his walk.
I really think if you can get the editing sorted out, this has huge potential as a "real" book. I'd buy it, for sure.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Hi Sally - thanks for reading and for your help. I circled back and corrected. Warm regards, Bill
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Bill, looking at my comments, in the first suggestion, I meant to say "no" comma needed after "certainly"! Dohh... Black mark for careless reviewing!
S
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Hi Sal - much appreciate all your help. I think I made all the corrections which to my mind were totally appropriate. I really appreciate when folks take the time to really dig and help. Always warm regards, Bill
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And to you Bill. I'm sorry, "it" won't let me up to a 6, but know the thought is there, and I *promise* when this gets into book form I shall be ordering a copy. Deal?
S
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Deal!
Comment from GregRedd
Like very much hat you include so much of the context and background to your story in the prologue. Makes for so much easier reading of the story that follows.
Your writing style has such a wonderful flow to it. I was very quickly drawn into the time and setting and could easily picture the curious and inquisitive young Rabbit sitting 'on da rocker' as he sizes Virgil up.
Nice work indeed, and I'm looking forward to the adventures that these two get up to in the summer to come.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Like very much hat you include so much of the context and background to your story in the prologue. Makes for so much easier reading of the story that follows.
Your writing style has such a wonderful flow to it. I was very quickly drawn into the time and setting and could easily picture the curious and inquisitive young Rabbit sitting 'on da rocker' as he sizes Virgil up.
Nice work indeed, and I'm looking forward to the adventures that these two get up to in the summer to come.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2013
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Thanks for circling back for chapter 1.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Very fine. I didn't realize you started with an introduction. It was fine, but not the way I would start a book. Then I saw "Chapter One" and everything really looked great. You have a likable narrator and know a child's voice and perspective very well. I'll do what I can to keep up with your story. Ray
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Very fine. I didn't realize you started with an introduction. It was fine, but not the way I would start a book. Then I saw "Chapter One" and everything really looked great. You have a likable narrator and know a child's voice and perspective very well. I'll do what I can to keep up with your story. Ray
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks for taking the time to circle back. Much appreciated. Bill
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very well written. I am glad you are posting again. I have missed your work. I can't wait to read more. This is good stuff. I like the down home style. I had my last baby when I was 40. My younger ones were in their teens, so it wasn't as bad.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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This is very well written. I am glad you are posting again. I have missed your work. I can't wait to read more. This is good stuff. I like the down home style. I had my last baby when I was 40. My younger ones were in their teens, so it wasn't as bad.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading Barbara and for the kind feedback I'll post another chapter soon. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
bhogg:
The neat thing about writing what I call factual fiction
is the fiction label keeps you out of trouble if you don't
remember everything exactly right or if there's a need to
move some of the facts around to protect some folks who
may still be around.
I look forward to reading more about Virge and you. I
had a Virgie Mae in my youth.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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bhogg:
The neat thing about writing what I call factual fiction
is the fiction label keeps you out of trouble if you don't
remember everything exactly right or if there's a need to
move some of the facts around to protect some folks who
may still be around.
I look forward to reading more about Virge and you. I
had a Virgie Mae in my youth.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 07-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading Jan. It is based on life experience, but I've killed a few brain cells over the years! Bill
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this very much. I love stories from the POV of the child. This is well written, captured my interest immediately and left me wanting to know more. Great work with this one.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013
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I enjoyed this very much. I love stories from the POV of the child. This is well written, captured my interest immediately and left me wanting to know more. Great work with this one.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013
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Thanks for reading, your kind comments and your generous rating. All are appreciated. Bill
Comment from Titus.
The story did not swindle and I don't know how much to write to tell you this, but is is a write for all ages and forms a brilliant beginning, and even while you are in thought on japan, always there is a closely tentative about. One thing which was nice, was it wasn't rushed, and I do believe many people won't mind how long as long as it is kept interesting, which this is. Titus.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013
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The story did not swindle and I don't know how much to write to tell you this, but is is a write for all ages and forms a brilliant beginning, and even while you are in thought on japan, always there is a closely tentative about. One thing which was nice, was it wasn't rushed, and I do believe many people won't mind how long as long as it is kept interesting, which this is. Titus.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013
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Thank you Titus. I appreciate you reading, your kind comments and for the very generous rating. Regards, Bill
