Alone
flash fiction - 790 words9 total reviews
Comment from Leen1
What an unexpected and surprisingly heart-warming ending. I truly enjoyed this piece. At first I must admit I did not know where this story was taking me and I grew anxious to find out. Wonderful use of the Flash Fiction word "Alone".
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2013
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What an unexpected and surprisingly heart-warming ending. I truly enjoyed this piece. At first I must admit I did not know where this story was taking me and I grew anxious to find out. Wonderful use of the Flash Fiction word "Alone".
Comment Written 03-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to review and comment on my story.
F_
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello Fayesh. I genuinely enjoyed your story. You told it so gently and I found it so easy to review because of the formatting. I couldn't note any grammar mistakes. I think many people will identify with Norena including myself. We can have a lot of friends and be popular, but as it turns out ironically, we're a lonely species. You're ending "You're not alone" is a wonderful message too. Have a Happy New Year. Keep writing. Cheers.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2013
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Hello Fayesh. I genuinely enjoyed your story. You told it so gently and I found it so easy to review because of the formatting. I couldn't note any grammar mistakes. I think many people will identify with Norena including myself. We can have a lot of friends and be popular, but as it turns out ironically, we're a lonely species. You're ending "You're not alone" is a wonderful message too. Have a Happy New Year. Keep writing. Cheers.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2013
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Wow! 6 stars! Thank you for taking the time to review my story and for the encouraging comments. F_
Comment from L. Sherman
Paranoia is a compelling little emotion, isn't it? I can really feel the tension build in Norena as she tries to avoid that feeling of alone-ness. I have to say, I think a back story here would be great; I'm really intrigued as so why her fear is so nearly crippling and what happened to her family? There's so much here that could be fleshed out.
The ending is sweet and it's sort of that reminder we all need to never be jerks to people, because you never know when the one you hurt will end up being the one to save your life. Still, I'm glad she's found a companion of sorts.
Have to say, I quite enjoyed this.
L. Sherman
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2013
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Paranoia is a compelling little emotion, isn't it? I can really feel the tension build in Norena as she tries to avoid that feeling of alone-ness. I have to say, I think a back story here would be great; I'm really intrigued as so why her fear is so nearly crippling and what happened to her family? There's so much here that could be fleshed out.
The ending is sweet and it's sort of that reminder we all need to never be jerks to people, because you never know when the one you hurt will end up being the one to save your life. Still, I'm glad she's found a companion of sorts.
Have to say, I quite enjoyed this.
L. Sherman
Comment Written 30-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to review my story and for the encouraging comments. F_
Comment from adewpearl
you introduce your main character effectively in your opening paragraph
Excellent character development as you explain her exaggerated fear of being alone
Good dialogue with the stranger/new neighbor
A thoughtful ending with some hope for a future friend :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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you introduce your main character effectively in your opening paragraph
Excellent character development as you explain her exaggerated fear of being alone
Good dialogue with the stranger/new neighbor
A thoughtful ending with some hope for a future friend :-) Brooke
Comment Written 30-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Thank you, Brooke, for your insightful review of my story. May You and and Your Loved Ones have a Blessed 2013. Faye :)
Comment from ndadarose
This is a good story with the potential to be extended. Norena is a very interesting character with a serious phobia of being alone. You develop the suspense so nicely to the point I ask myself is the kindly neighbor the answer to her fears? Earlier in the story you have her going downstairs to the coffee shop then later having to walk five blocks back home.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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This is a good story with the potential to be extended. Norena is a very interesting character with a serious phobia of being alone. You develop the suspense so nicely to the point I ask myself is the kindly neighbor the answer to her fears? Earlier in the story you have her going downstairs to the coffee shop then later having to walk five blocks back home.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Thank you for the review of my story. To clarify - the coffee shop is downstairs from her job. Happy New Year F_
Comment from humpwhistle
Fayesh, I like your story and your subject matter.
But I wonder if you chose the most expressive way to convey Norena's fear to the reader. This is a classic SHOW vs. TELL situation. You tell us about Norena's fear, but you don't let us experience it.
This is merely my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Fayesh, I like your story and your subject matter.
But I wonder if you chose the most expressive way to convey Norena's fear to the reader. This is a classic SHOW vs. TELL situation. You tell us about Norena's fear, but you don't let us experience it.
This is merely my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 29-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Thank you for the review of my story. To clarify - POV (point of view of the story)is omniscient. Happy New Year F_
Comment from w0manp0et
Hi fayesh,
This is a powerful story with a powerful moral, great job! I like the way you tie everything together at the end--an explanation of the footsteps which seemed to follow Norena, and the neighbor being the gentleman she was rude to in the coffee shop. Well done!
You might want to look at this sentence again:
The fear was approaching as the crowds seem to thin out for those last three blocks.
Good luck in the contest!
WP
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Hi fayesh,
This is a powerful story with a powerful moral, great job! I like the way you tie everything together at the end--an explanation of the footsteps which seemed to follow Norena, and the neighbor being the gentleman she was rude to in the coffee shop. Well done!
You might want to look at this sentence again:
The fear was approaching as the crowds seem to thin out for those last three blocks.
Good luck in the contest!
WP
Comment Written 29-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to review my story. Happy New Year
F_
Comment from kiwisteveh
You do a good job of building up the tension here and there is strong irony that the stranger she rejected is the one who offers to help her fear of being alone.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
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You do a good job of building up the tension here and there is strong irony that the stranger she rejected is the one who offers to help her fear of being alone.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to review my story.
Comment from Rondeno
Great metaphor, the blue-eyed. bearded man bringing light into Norena's life. But if she has such a pathological fear of loneliness, why did she reject him in the cafe?
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
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Great metaphor, the blue-eyed. bearded man bringing light into Norena's life. But if she has such a pathological fear of loneliness, why did she reject him in the cafe?
Comment Written 29-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to review my story. She rejected him in the cafe because she had just lost her job, and did not want to waste time conversing with a stranger when she needed to fill her "alone" time with a new job to fill the void.