A Little Viking's Tale
A rhyming short story for children122 total reviews
Comment from mshirachot
LOL...nothing like glamorizing Vikings for a children's story. I was a bit concerned when I first started reading as I wondered how you'd get past the pillaging and plundering parts. Well done. I like the moral of the story. Those vikings were persistant, if nothing else!
The only thing I noticed was a misspelling of "advice" in these lines:
"The sign said go on and do as you please
Never say I didn't give you good advise"
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings to you,
Marsha
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
  |
LOL...nothing like glamorizing Vikings for a children's story. I was a bit concerned when I first started reading as I wondered how you'd get past the pillaging and plundering parts. Well done. I like the moral of the story. Those vikings were persistant, if nothing else!
The only thing I noticed was a misspelling of "advice" in these lines:
"The sign said go on and do as you please
Never say I didn't give you good advise"
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings to you,
Marsha
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Next up...I saw a Nazi steal my Christmas tree
Comment from Bina1
An excellent poem that offers a life lesson as well. Persistence and determination pay off! A cute little art selection, very well done. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
An excellent poem that offers a life lesson as well. Persistence and determination pay off! A cute little art selection, very well done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thank you bina
Comment from sunnilicious
Great narrative story in a poem. The quatrains are rhymed on an abab scheme. It works out. This is well thought out and quite creative. Nicely done. Excellent.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
Great narrative story in a poem. The quatrains are rhymed on an abab scheme. It works out. This is well thought out and quite creative. Nicely done. Excellent.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Hi thanks.sunn
-
You're welcome
Happy Holidays
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very good story, enjoyable and with a moral. The next time I see a stop sign, this will come to mind. One suggestion:
Then they crashed their ship onto the mainland--THIS MAKES IT SOUND LIKE THEY PURPOSEFULLY CRASHED THEIR SHIP. Maybe, Their ship crashed onto the sandy mainland??? Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
A very good story, enjoyable and with a moral. The next time I see a stop sign, this will come to mind. One suggestion:
Then they crashed their ship onto the mainland--THIS MAKES IT SOUND LIKE THEY PURPOSEFULLY CRASHED THEIR SHIP. Maybe, Their ship crashed onto the sandy mainland??? Debbie
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
I changed it...Their ship crashed on the shore near a city
Thanks again...good eye
Comment from notdeadyet
Cute kiddie story. Although I was a little put off by the sign talking. I guess kids would accept that, though. The picture goes well with the story. I worry a bit that ignoring the stop sign tells kids its OK to disobey the rules. It might be better if Eric stopped and then went on, therefore obeying the rules, but still doing what he needed to do.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
Cute kiddie story. Although I was a little put off by the sign talking. I guess kids would accept that, though. The picture goes well with the story. I worry a bit that ignoring the stop sign tells kids its OK to disobey the rules. It might be better if Eric stopped and then went on, therefore obeying the rules, but still doing what he needed to do.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Actually, Eric stops all three times. Only on the third time he decides not to listen to the signs bad advise and walk on through. I don't mind if it didn't make sense to you. It's not for everybody.
-
I thought it made sense. its a cute story, as I said. i was just trying to give you a new perspective, but not one you needed to pay attention to. As you said, its not for everybody. that goes for all of our writing, I think. With the multitude of diverse thinkers in the world its a wonder we get along at all.Write how you feel and how you believe. You are doing well.
-
There... that's it..that's the moral in the stoty..you got it...lol
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your clever, children's story poem. I enjoyed your internal and end rhymes in these quatrains along with your alliteration of "s's." I liked your personification of the "sign" and its "advice" refrain, along with your moral. Happy weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
Thank you for sharing your clever, children's story poem. I enjoyed your internal and end rhymes in these quatrains along with your alliteration of "s's." I liked your personification of the "sign" and its "advice" refrain, along with your moral. Happy weekend- Joan
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thank you Joan
Comment from mountainwriter49
I enjoyed reading your children's poem
this afternoon. It was a fun read and something
which I think children will love to read and have
read to them. The rhyming pattern is strong
and the moral of the story is spot-on.
-Ray
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
I enjoyed reading your children's poem
this afternoon. It was a fun read and something
which I think children will love to read and have
read to them. The rhyming pattern is strong
and the moral of the story is spot-on.
-Ray
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thanks much Ray
Comment from el twelve
that was absolutely enjoyable to read, always wanted to continue to the end and see what was coming. It flowed smoothly for easy reading, good work
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
that was absolutely enjoyable to read, always wanted to continue to the end and see what was coming. It flowed smoothly for easy reading, good work
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thanks much
Comment from Starlit Ink
Eric was determined to overcome an obstacle, and to fix his ship. This is an exciting tale to read aloud to children. It is captivating throughout, and the moral at the end is a good lesson to learn, for adults and children alike. This piece is an entertaining read.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
|
Eric was determined to overcome an obstacle, and to fix his ship. This is an exciting tale to read aloud to children. It is captivating throughout, and the moral at the end is a good lesson to learn, for adults and children alike. This piece is an entertaining read.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thanks much starlit
Comment from Peter@Poole
It's a sweet little story for kiddies and you've stuck with it to a satisfactory conclusion. However, although your poem is rhymed, the meter and rhythm leave something to be desired. A child won't mind, of course, but a poet detects these features instantly, particularly when the work is read aloud. Had you forgotten about rhyme and presented this as a very short story, I'd have awarded a five. Peter
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
 |
It's a sweet little story for kiddies and you've stuck with it to a satisfactory conclusion. However, although your poem is rhymed, the meter and rhythm leave something to be desired. A child won't mind, of course, but a poet detects these features instantly, particularly when the work is read aloud. Had you forgotten about rhyme and presented this as a very short story, I'd have awarded a five. Peter
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2012
-
Thank you so much peter and your words are truly appreciated. I will work hard to get the rhyming down. Who knows....maybe someday
Thanks
-
You take advice more graciously than many, Eric. Don't forget, a four is 'good'. Peter
-
Finally someone honest. I was tires of getting those 6 star reviews for this one..I need some one to keep it real, even if it's only one person... It keeps me humble.
-
I can work with you, Eric. No need to be humble. Let's use advice to learn from. We don't have to agree on everything. Too many here have an inflated idea of their ability, so don't try to improve. Of course, if writers use their own money, they can only expect to be flattered, but they don't see it.
