Benjamin
A bad kid from the start5 total reviews
Comment from val fitchie
WOW.You got a brand new trick here!Even tho you're not "into"it,you got BEYOND perfect RAP going here-To be exact,this is EARLY HIP HOP(which was very "positive"music)because of all the INTERNAL RHYHME SCHEMES you're laying down in this poem-My dear man,I don't know WHERE you're getting that Knowledge;this poem is HIP for today's kids and not something folks our age would be aware of-TRULY,you are an ETERNAL SPIRIT of BEAUTIFUL TRUTH
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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WOW.You got a brand new trick here!Even tho you're not "into"it,you got BEYOND perfect RAP going here-To be exact,this is EARLY HIP HOP(which was very "positive"music)because of all the INTERNAL RHYHME SCHEMES you're laying down in this poem-My dear man,I don't know WHERE you're getting that Knowledge;this poem is HIP for today's kids and not something folks our age would be aware of-TRULY,you are an ETERNAL SPIRIT of BEAUTIFUL TRUTH
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2012
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Val: This one goes back before rap was really defined as such and it was just an escape for me thinking in a smart ass dialect as I thought was in pace with Benjamin's evolution but HEY, if it moves anyone in a good way...I'll keep it comin! Thanks for the great words. Vance
Comment from fanoffanstory
I must give you one of precious six stars for this fabulous piece! I love the elimination of the letters to his name. A problem may start out small, but if you don't stop yourself, you could make the problem bigger! I am so glad you shared this well-timed, perfect piece of poetry!
God bless,
Fanoffanstory
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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I must give you one of precious six stars for this fabulous piece! I love the elimination of the letters to his name. A problem may start out small, but if you don't stop yourself, you could make the problem bigger! I am so glad you shared this well-timed, perfect piece of poetry!
God bless,
Fanoffanstory
Comment Written 22-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
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Fanoffanastory...WOW Thank you so much for your generosity and I'm so glad to see that my real message and intentions were well understood and appreciated! Hope to see you often!! Vance
Comment from expressions9
An interesting poem with a sad finish. Perhaps more geered to young people, the examples here carry a message to help steer them from a downhill path. At first, I thought it was about one person, but towards the end is seems as though it's about 4 people? Very good photo complements your poem.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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An interesting poem with a sad finish. Perhaps more geered to young people, the examples here carry a message to help steer them from a downhill path. At first, I thought it was about one person, but towards the end is seems as though it's about 4 people? Very good photo complements your poem.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks for your kind response and rating. Cheers!
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You're welcome!
Comment from Treischel
What a lesson about a life that progressively moves down hill until it's ultimately wasted. Done in a lively manner with a format that's cheery and up beat, bouncy and cleaver. Yet contrary to all that, it has a dark undertone that creates a viable tension. Nicely rhymed. A wonderful poem! Good luck in you contest.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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What a lesson about a life that progressively moves down hill until it's ultimately wasted. Done in a lively manner with a format that's cheery and up beat, bouncy and cleaver. Yet contrary to all that, it has a dark undertone that creates a viable tension. Nicely rhymed. A wonderful poem! Good luck in you contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks Treischel..your comments and rating are greatly appreciated!!
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Wow!!! I certainly had a thrill with your poem here especially, when my name is Benjamin too. I was referred to everything except BJ. Gosh, sounds like me though except for being in the pen part. I liked that you had a good rhythm. I just didn't like the ending. Yes, it was sad and there can't always be happy endings. The suicide part, I don't think will go well with young children. Good luck though and keep writing. Cheers.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Wow!!! I certainly had a thrill with your poem here especially, when my name is Benjamin too. I was referred to everything except BJ. Gosh, sounds like me though except for being in the pen part. I liked that you had a good rhythm. I just didn't like the ending. Yes, it was sad and there can't always be happy endings. The suicide part, I don't think will go well with young children. Good luck though and keep writing. Cheers.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thanks Ben: It was intended to be a lesson to children as a "motivator" which I would always prefer to be "positive" however, this of course points to what happens when you do the wrong things!
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Hello. I understand now..Thanks for clarifying this for me. Cheers.