A collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 " For you"A collection of treasured poems
2 total reviews
Comment from snoellelong
Not my usual taste in poetry, so it's hard for me to make suggestions much beyond the grammatical and spelling.
I did find: "undone" is one word, unless you meant to emphasize the different syllables, but it doesn't seem so because the rest of your poem is particularly strict as far as structure and rhythm. You've done great on a rhyming poem-- something I could never do without sounding horrendously cheesy, but the one that tripped me up was
"When my garden is full
Each flower here is yours,
For like you they are beautiful
And so they have a cause."
"Cause" just threw me off the rhythm and rhyme you had going before then. It made me stop and reread it a couple of times, and I think I would try to find another word that suits your purpose that can rhyme with "yours" or perhaps change both words.
Otherwise, job well done.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Not my usual taste in poetry, so it's hard for me to make suggestions much beyond the grammatical and spelling.
I did find: "undone" is one word, unless you meant to emphasize the different syllables, but it doesn't seem so because the rest of your poem is particularly strict as far as structure and rhythm. You've done great on a rhyming poem-- something I could never do without sounding horrendously cheesy, but the one that tripped me up was
"When my garden is full
Each flower here is yours,
For like you they are beautiful
And so they have a cause."
"Cause" just threw me off the rhythm and rhyme you had going before then. It made me stop and reread it a couple of times, and I think I would try to find another word that suits your purpose that can rhyme with "yours" or perhaps change both words.
Otherwise, job well done.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you for your review
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Hello Sneollelong point taken, I have now changed ' For you, so please take another look, Thanks'
Comment from Dodey
Yet another beautiful romantic work my friend..You are spilling them out, which makes me think you are writing of a real true love..that's precious..Your words bring clear images of your beautiful floral gifts and you adding your own special touches.
So the spell cannot be (un done) undone...un-done ?
Gorgeous read..Smiles and Regards to you..Dee
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Yet another beautiful romantic work my friend..You are spilling them out, which makes me think you are writing of a real true love..that's precious..Your words bring clear images of your beautiful floral gifts and you adding your own special touches.
So the spell cannot be (un done) undone...un-done ?
Gorgeous read..Smiles and Regards to you..Dee
Comment Written 03-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2012
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Thank you Dee, No I have no love , I am single so all my work is just fiction
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Dee, I have made some alterations with my poem ' For you ' so please take a look
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Read it..Beautiful Paris..Smiles..Dee