A collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 " The tunnel"A collection of treasured poems
10 total reviews
Comment from Shirlena
You words have a lot of emotion which makes one feel so intensely for the character and their desperation to hang on to the object of their affections so much. I think these are emotions any one can understand or have experienced at least once in their lifetime.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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You words have a lot of emotion which makes one feel so intensely for the character and their desperation to hang on to the object of their affections so much. I think these are emotions any one can understand or have experienced at least once in their lifetime.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you for your comment Shirlena. And yes The tunnel is a dark and intense place to be
Comment from megclare
I like the image of the tunnel in which the speaker is trapped by a hopeless love and you sustain this image well. There are a few lines throughout the poem, however, that do not scan and therefore throw the rhythm out. For example,
Because my irregular heartbeat there are too many syllables; you could try "For my thumping heart"
and
So my vision suddenly becomes blind == I don't think this line makes a great deal of sense as well as being out of rhythm.
All because my heart refuses to die== change 'refuses' to 'won't' and the rhythm will work.
Why have you left me,
So vunerable and alone,
Why lock your heart,
When I thought mine was your home.== needs question marks.
vunerable ==vulnerable
your==you're
That said, however, the poem certainly speaks of love that bites.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I like the image of the tunnel in which the speaker is trapped by a hopeless love and you sustain this image well. There are a few lines throughout the poem, however, that do not scan and therefore throw the rhythm out. For example,
Because my irregular heartbeat there are too many syllables; you could try "For my thumping heart"
and
So my vision suddenly becomes blind == I don't think this line makes a great deal of sense as well as being out of rhythm.
All because my heart refuses to die== change 'refuses' to 'won't' and the rhythm will work.
Why have you left me,
So vunerable and alone,
Why lock your heart,
When I thought mine was your home.== needs question marks.
vunerable ==vulnerable
your==you're
That said, however, the poem certainly speaks of love that bites.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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That you for sharing your version of my poem, but I will be keeping it as it is, saying that i am glad to hear that you did think , This persons love in a trapped tunnel did bite
Comment from c_lucas
One cannot search for love on a one-way street. In order to receive love, we must be willing to give it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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One cannot search for love on a one-way street. In order to receive love, we must be willing to give it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you c _ lucas, so glad you enjoyed ' The tunnel ' , and yes love is a two - way street.
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You're welcome.
Comment from barkingdog
Your poem does give the feeling of loneliness and wishing the person you loved was back in your life again. Likening it to an empty tunnel is a good metaphor for I guess a trapped endless feeling.
Your rhyme is good.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Your poem does give the feeling of loneliness and wishing the person you loved was back in your life again. Likening it to an empty tunnel is a good metaphor for I guess a trapped endless feeling.
Your rhyme is good.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you bearing dog and so glad you liked ' The tunnel ' and yes The tunnel is about a lost love, a love that is haunting and never able to leave the persons heart and tortured mind
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Thank you barking dog and so glad you liked ' The tunnel ' and yes The tunnel is about a lost love, a love that is haunting and never able to leave the persons heart and tortured mind
Comment from k.french
This is a lovely poem,very emotional to read,I would definitely recommend it to somebody else,you have some lovely ideas.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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This is a lovely poem,very emotional to read,I would definitely recommend it to somebody else,you have some lovely ideas.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you Kelly, I appreciate your kind review
Comment from Joannforsberg
But find you I cannot,
Though search for you I have tried ,
So I am doomed in this tunnel of love,
All because my heart refuses to die.
Sad.... excellent written.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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But find you I cannot,
Though search for you I have tried ,
So I am doomed in this tunnel of love,
All because my heart refuses to die.
Sad.... excellent written.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Joannforsberg for your comment, so glad you enjoyed. ' The tunnel '
Comment from James Sarzotti
Good to get this stuff out. That alone will save you.
So I am doomed in this tunnel of love, << I hear Springsteen.
All because my heart refuses to die. << Unrequited love is a negative emotion we all have to face at some point. It's a lesson we must quickly learn and its cause vanquish. To prolong it is insanity.
Best of luck with your writing and your love life. Cheers, JS.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Good to get this stuff out. That alone will save you.
So I am doomed in this tunnel of love, << I hear Springsteen.
All because my heart refuses to die. << Unrequited love is a negative emotion we all have to face at some point. It's a lesson we must quickly learn and its cause vanquish. To prolong it is insanity.
Best of luck with your writing and your love life. Cheers, JS.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Thank you James for your comment, ' The Tunnel ' is not about me, I have not been hurt at all , it's just the way I write, I have a lot of imagination .
Comment from MelReyn
Whoa, intense! I feel the desperation, the pain. I picture a sewer tunnel, foul, dripping, cold and wet. How awful to be lost and alone in such a place. And how terrible to lose the other half of your heart, wherever one may be.
Good work. I think I'll go eat a pint of ice cream now. (Yes, you made me feel sad). ;)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Whoa, intense! I feel the desperation, the pain. I picture a sewer tunnel, foul, dripping, cold and wet. How awful to be lost and alone in such a place. And how terrible to lose the other half of your heart, wherever one may be.
Good work. I think I'll go eat a pint of ice cream now. (Yes, you made me feel sad). ;)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Hello MelReyn, I am sorry to have also placed you in that tunnel and you describe it so well, yes it is certainly not a nice place to be. Hope you enjoyed your pint of ice cream though.
Comment from Zinnia48
Thank you for your gut level honesty in expressing how this relationship has confused/devestated you. I gave it a "4" because I am thinking there could be all sorts of creative ways of expressing the story and your pain. think Emily Dickinson. It's one thing to state the facts in a poetic form, and another to word craft. thank you so much for the work and courage that this poem took. Caroline
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you for your gut level honesty in expressing how this relationship has confused/devestated you. I gave it a "4" because I am thinking there could be all sorts of creative ways of expressing the story and your pain. think Emily Dickinson. It's one thing to state the facts in a poetic form, and another to word craft. thank you so much for the work and courage that this poem took. Caroline
Comment Written 25-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you Caroline, glad you enjoyed 'The tunnel'
Comment from Ekim777
Your touching love affair seems to be one of mutual dependence. Finely expressed but nothing unusual. THen you illustrate your loss and the pain of mourning. When a couple part company, one needs a period of mourning when life seems to be a long day's journey into night. But as Eugene o' Neil says; he finally discovered that life was a long day's journey into light! -Ekim777
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Your touching love affair seems to be one of mutual dependence. Finely expressed but nothing unusual. THen you illustrate your loss and the pain of mourning. When a couple part company, one needs a period of mourning when life seems to be a long day's journey into night. But as Eugene o' Neil says; he finally discovered that life was a long day's journey into light! -Ekim777
Comment Written 25-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Hello Ekim, So glad you enjoyed ' The tunnel ' and you describe it's build up well
