The Ripple Effect
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Childhood of Dreams"A couple's tour about England takes many turns....
23 total reviews
Comment from Grimoire
short chapter here.....but I'm wondering what links Merlin and the young boy McCail together.....and what does the young boy's dream of sea serpants, pirates and such mean?
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short chapter here.....but I'm wondering what links Merlin and the young boy McCail together.....and what does the young boy's dream of sea serpants, pirates and such mean?
Comment Written 26-Jan-2006
Comment from invisible~ink
What a nice dream scene! It fits perfectly with the Prolog.
I wonder where this is going?
Looking forward to the next chapter ...thanks ink~
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What a nice dream scene! It fits perfectly with the Prolog.
I wonder where this is going?
Looking forward to the next chapter ...thanks ink~
Comment Written 26-Nov-2005
Comment from Jayje
was this meant to be a daydream type of sceneor something the way you've got it described is that he woke uo in his bed and then boom out comes this stuff with the sea serpent. it would be a good idea to pack a little more description into it to ensure that come across better/
'McCail watches the wave movement with a "why" as cause and effect mark their place in his young mind and a new batch of waves is created.' (do you mean 'why' as in a question or 'y' the letter?)
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was this meant to be a daydream type of sceneor something the way you've got it described is that he woke uo in his bed and then boom out comes this stuff with the sea serpent. it would be a good idea to pack a little more description into it to ensure that come across better/
'McCail watches the wave movement with a "why" as cause and effect mark their place in his young mind and a new batch of waves is created.' (do you mean 'why' as in a question or 'y' the letter?)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2005
Comment from brightside1099
If this chapter is a dream, then I suppose a child of five is perfectly capable of running his own bathwater, only be called to breakfast without a mother checking on him. Is chuffs a real word? Other than that, in your first paragraph, the icicles are reaching for the ground and the smoke is reaching for the sky in a very short span. Was this intentional?
Otherwise, I like your description of the young boy playing in the tub. You've done a great job with the wording and imagery.
-- BB
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If this chapter is a dream, then I suppose a child of five is perfectly capable of running his own bathwater, only be called to breakfast without a mother checking on him. Is chuffs a real word? Other than that, in your first paragraph, the icicles are reaching for the ground and the smoke is reaching for the sky in a very short span. Was this intentional?
Otherwise, I like your description of the young boy playing in the tub. You've done a great job with the wording and imagery.
-- BB
Comment Written 25-Nov-2005
Comment from Loverofwords
Very well written first chapter. My only problem would be that it didn't really seem like a dream. Maybe its just one of those things that the reader will understand once they read the next chapter. We'll see. I loved the descriptions at the begining.
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Very well written first chapter. My only problem would be that it didn't really seem like a dream. Maybe its just one of those things that the reader will understand once they read the next chapter. We'll see. I loved the descriptions at the begining.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2005
Comment from Gr@sshopper
Your notes indicate this is a five year old's dream, but I had to go back to the Prologue again to get the dream connection. By itself, it reads like it is happening now, at least to me. You have a real talent for weaving these elaborate, ornate descriptions of everyday things; like the steamy room and the bathtub, etc. Reading it is like staring at a portrait in the Louvre. It isn't just a picture when you notice the details and the texture of the paint and imagine the way the artist must have held the brush when he painted each color. It takes time to appreciate it, but that is the whole point.
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Your notes indicate this is a five year old's dream, but I had to go back to the Prologue again to get the dream connection. By itself, it reads like it is happening now, at least to me. You have a real talent for weaving these elaborate, ornate descriptions of everyday things; like the steamy room and the bathtub, etc. Reading it is like staring at a portrait in the Louvre. It isn't just a picture when you notice the details and the texture of the paint and imagine the way the artist must have held the brush when he painted each color. It takes time to appreciate it, but that is the whole point.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2005
Comment from MaureenEve
Nice wording. My feet got cold just reading it,but It wasn't clear to me that it was a dream. Very good descriptions while he was playing in the tub.
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Nice wording. My feet got cold just reading it,but It wasn't clear to me that it was a dream. Very good descriptions while he was playing in the tub.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2005
Comment from Eldora
You've set the stage, introduced the character of McCail Mcclarry and give a glimpse into the child's mind and potention for the future. Sounds like a good beginning. Just a query--is it Mcclarry or McClarry?
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You've set the stage, introduced the character of McCail Mcclarry and give a glimpse into the child's mind and potention for the future. Sounds like a good beginning. Just a query--is it Mcclarry or McClarry?
Comment Written 24-Nov-2005
Comment from Demokrit
Why did you stop here? It was so interesting and I hope you will post the next chapter of it soon- can not imagine this is happening in a dream- seems so real- well hope to read more
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Why did you stop here? It was so interesting and I hope you will post the next chapter of it soon- can not imagine this is happening in a dream- seems so real- well hope to read more
Comment Written 24-Nov-2005
Comment from ShirleyT
I find this to be a great opening chapter, as well as a great dream. I enjoyed reading this first chapter and look forward to the next chapter.
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I find this to be a great opening chapter, as well as a great dream. I enjoyed reading this first chapter and look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2005