Eternal Flames
beguiled by her hair, the red of autumn waning53 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this very much. Terrific story, clever twist at the end, and marvelous dialogue. This is a great entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best. That said, you might take a look at my entry...it is called "Two Down and One to Go".
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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I enjoyed this very much. Terrific story, clever twist at the end, and marvelous dialogue. This is a great entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best. That said, you might take a look at my entry...it is called "Two Down and One to Go".
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thank you, my friend :-). Your entry was marvellous, and I envy your imagination. I'm glad you enjoyed my piece - I wrote it in a rush, but ended up happy with it.
Mike
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your skillfully-written horror story is suspenseful, delivering its surprises after the just-right build ups.
The theme of the fake awakening the real is impressive.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Your skillfully-written horror story is suspenseful, delivering its surprises after the just-right build ups.
The theme of the fake awakening the real is impressive.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thank you, Janice - I'm glad you saw the irony in the theme. I enjoyed writing this one :-).
Mike
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written making for an interesting flow of words, giving the reader an enticing read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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This is very well written making for an interesting flow of words, giving the reader an enticing read. There is very good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Charlie - I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
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You're welcome, Mike. Charlie
Comment from Dopeless Hopefiend
Vampires are not really my thing. That being I said, without a doubt one of the most well written short tales I've read on this site. The dialogue, the constant events unfolding, it was exactly what a story that length should be from the start. Great contest entry.
Good luck, great writing.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Vampires are not really my thing. That being I said, without a doubt one of the most well written short tales I've read on this site. The dialogue, the constant events unfolding, it was exactly what a story that length should be from the start. Great contest entry.
Good luck, great writing.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks for the great review, DH :-). I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, especially if it's not your usual thing. I do like to do things a bit differently.
Mike
Comment from TammyGail
Mike you are a force to be reckoned with in these contests and always you show it - amazing work crafting this story - your vivid descriptions always pull the reader in and keep their eye throughout - loved your closing and hope this is a contest I can vote for - best of luck
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Mike you are a force to be reckoned with in these contests and always you show it - amazing work crafting this story - your vivid descriptions always pull the reader in and keep their eye throughout - loved your closing and hope this is a contest I can vote for - best of luck
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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I'm loving writing the short stories at the moment. This was going to be quite straightforward but, as often happens, I kept thinking of plot changes while I was writing. So glad you liked the result!
Mike
Comment from Dawn Munro
You have written a gory, riveting vampire story here - your dialogue is very natural, the characters believable and there is lots of plot action to keep your reader interested. Nicely done - good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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You have written a gory, riveting vampire story here - your dialogue is very natural, the characters believable and there is lots of plot action to keep your reader interested. Nicely done - good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thank you, Idea - I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from Ira White
Nice description and a good twist at the end. I enjoyed the read. One little problem though. Take a look at the segment below. I think you need another word than "not." Perhaps, "now?"
out like arousal not felt like violence
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Nice description and a good twist at the end. I enjoyed the read. One little problem though. Take a look at the segment below. I think you need another word than "not." Perhaps, "now?"
out like arousal not felt like violence
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thanks for the catch, Ira - duly fixed! Glad you enjoyed the story :-)
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
the mouth of a poet and the life of a dustman - love that line
excellent dialogue that sounds natural and is used well to relate the events of the story
Vivid descriptive detail
love the dinner scraps simile
Oh, I really really love the reveal where we learn the narrator is actually the vampire, whose true vampire nature has been aroused by this girl. Fantastic, Mike!!! Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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the mouth of a poet and the life of a dustman - love that line
excellent dialogue that sounds natural and is used well to relate the events of the story
Vivid descriptive detail
love the dinner scraps simile
Oh, I really really love the reveal where we learn the narrator is actually the vampire, whose true vampire nature has been aroused by this girl. Fantastic, Mike!!! Brooke :-)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Brooke :-). After two 4 star reviews, I thought I'd done something terribly wrong that I just couldn't see! I'm.glad you liked the turnaround - I spebt ages trying to habdle that right. Big smiles!
Mike
Comment from MacJanny
Im telling you, even though I really have a hard time jumping on to this Vampire craze, I did enjoy the read here. Usually I see vampire and I just put it down. Took the chance and read, like I have with a few writings that are popping with the contest and I really enjoyed!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Im telling you, even though I really have a hard time jumping on to this Vampire craze, I did enjoy the read here. Usually I see vampire and I just put it down. Took the chance and read, like I have with a few writings that are popping with the contest and I really enjoyed!
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thanks for the great review, MacJ :-). This was a bit of a response to the whole Twilight/Vampire Diaries craze. Vampires are horrid, pervasive, nasty, vile creatures. That's my take on it, anyway. I was going to go ar more violent, but it didn't feel right in the end (unusual for me, lol).
Mike
Comment from Ngamminpye
I wish this story could go a little scarier from the start. I feel it will make more interesting that way. But I don't really say this is a bad one. Anyway good luck for the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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I wish this story could go a little scarier from the start. I feel it will make more interesting that way. But I don't really say this is a bad one. Anyway good luck for the contest!
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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It's meant to be revelatory rather than scary, but never mind. Thanks for reading.
