No Such Luck
Revision of an earlier poem145 total reviews
Comment from PoeticGrl101
Great poem. I also don't believe in luck. I think things just happen the way they happen. Luck is all in the mind but i like your structure of the poem it's really good. Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
   |
Great poem. I also don't believe in luck. I think things just happen the way they happen. Luck is all in the mind but i like your structure of the poem it's really good. Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you poetic.
Comment from Ure Connection
Ha ha nice.
Your Christian viewpoint is well placed here among all the superstitions and fables, placing ones present or future in such things of fancy is folly, and a little fun. Like religion.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
Ha ha nice.
Your Christian viewpoint is well placed here among all the superstitions and fables, placing ones present or future in such things of fancy is folly, and a little fun. Like religion.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Ure.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You've expressed your belief quite clearly in this strongly worded poem. Consider that what you call "Faith" others call "Superstition" and vice versa. All depends on your point of view and the strength of your belief - not what you believe in. :) nancy
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
You've expressed your belief quite clearly in this strongly worded poem. Consider that what you call "Faith" others call "Superstition" and vice versa. All depends on your point of view and the strength of your belief - not what you believe in. :) nancy
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Nancy.
Comment from venika
This is a great poem with smooth flow of words.
I appreciate the message in this poem to have faith in God and not be superstitious.
Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
This is a great poem with smooth flow of words.
I appreciate the message in this poem to have faith in God and not be superstitious.
Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Venika.
Comment from rjuselius
yes indeed, god may be our saviour but fairies and pixies and unicorns bring a certain magical and enchanting element to faith. did you know that 80% of islnaders believe in some kind of pixies residing in the forest? and then there a re angels, you surely believe in angels?:=
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
yes indeed, god may be our saviour but fairies and pixies and unicorns bring a certain magical and enchanting element to faith. did you know that 80% of islnaders believe in some kind of pixies residing in the forest? and then there a re angels, you surely believe in angels?:=
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Rebekka.
Comment from EMB
Hmm. This was an interesting and poetic way to use one belief to attack others' beliefs. Not exactly "PR," but many poems, indeed many written works aren't usually concerned with such trivial things as tolerance, sensitivity, and respect toward other faiths. Still, I digress. The poem definitely performs its purpose of doing just what I've accused it of doing.
Well done?
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
Hmm. This was an interesting and poetic way to use one belief to attack others' beliefs. Not exactly "PR," but many poems, indeed many written works aren't usually concerned with such trivial things as tolerance, sensitivity, and respect toward other faiths. Still, I digress. The poem definitely performs its purpose of doing just what I've accused it of doing.
Well done?
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Ed.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Justin,
You are so right we should put our faith in God not superstition. You have used expressive words, and even flow and a great theme. Well done....chey
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
Hi Justin,
You are so right we should put our faith in God not superstition. You have used expressive words, and even flow and a great theme. Well done....chey
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you very much chey.
Comment from Bryana
I agree with you Justin, I don't believe in luck either. I think luck depends in how you manage your life, but then is no luck is good management,
I think your poem needs more rhythm and flow, also I don't think FS allows to publish a poem as new if you had already posted it.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
I agree with you Justin, I don't believe in luck either. I think luck depends in how you manage your life, but then is no luck is good management,
I think your poem needs more rhythm and flow, also I don't think FS allows to publish a poem as new if you had already posted it.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Bryana.
Comment from rama devi
Good strong conviction in the tone of this poem, Justin. YOu have some very inventive rhyming--well done.
However, the flow is quite choppy and the punctuation inaccurate. it is okay to use alternative punctuation in poetry, or even 'modified grammar rules' - but it is optimal to do so with artistic intent and to improve the experience of reading the poem. Sorry to say, in this case those choices hamper the reading of the work and I strongly suggest some more revision on this piece.
Duty also prompts me to remind you that reposting old works that have been revised is not permitted on fanstory. While I do not at ALL agree with such a rule--it is no for me to dictate the FS policy. We are only allowed to revise a post within the old posting of it.
That said, I have once posted a reworked piece that was changed from free verse to sonnet with so many lines being different no one could really recognize it. Just my two cents on this...I am not reporting it...
Okay, back to your poem. Here are some spag suggestion to improve flow and readability:
If you believe in luck.(,)
Then I feel sorry for you.(no period)
Because you've gotten your mind stuck. (no period)
Into a world (of) old fables and folktales that aren't true.
So please start living your life. (no period)
And pay no attention to what the Irish or the fortune tellers say.
Don't let them make you view everything with skeptical strife. (no period)
Because God has created a beautiful scene. (no period)
With violets, daffodils, and grasses of green. (no period)
Bestowed upon you to celebrate this day.
So please just relax your heart mind and soul.
Get those wicked superstitions out of your psyche. (no period)
And give yourself to Jesus and let Him be in control. (no period)
For He is the Lord, strong and Mighty.
Hope this proves helpful...
Warmly,rd
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
Good strong conviction in the tone of this poem, Justin. YOu have some very inventive rhyming--well done.
However, the flow is quite choppy and the punctuation inaccurate. it is okay to use alternative punctuation in poetry, or even 'modified grammar rules' - but it is optimal to do so with artistic intent and to improve the experience of reading the poem. Sorry to say, in this case those choices hamper the reading of the work and I strongly suggest some more revision on this piece.
Duty also prompts me to remind you that reposting old works that have been revised is not permitted on fanstory. While I do not at ALL agree with such a rule--it is no for me to dictate the FS policy. We are only allowed to revise a post within the old posting of it.
That said, I have once posted a reworked piece that was changed from free verse to sonnet with so many lines being different no one could really recognize it. Just my two cents on this...I am not reporting it...
Okay, back to your poem. Here are some spag suggestion to improve flow and readability:
If you believe in luck.(,)
Then I feel sorry for you.(no period)
Because you've gotten your mind stuck. (no period)
Into a world (of) old fables and folktales that aren't true.
So please start living your life. (no period)
And pay no attention to what the Irish or the fortune tellers say.
Don't let them make you view everything with skeptical strife. (no period)
Because God has created a beautiful scene. (no period)
With violets, daffodils, and grasses of green. (no period)
Bestowed upon you to celebrate this day.
So please just relax your heart mind and soul.
Get those wicked superstitions out of your psyche. (no period)
And give yourself to Jesus and let Him be in control. (no period)
For He is the Lord, strong and Mighty.
Hope this proves helpful...
Warmly,rd
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for your honesty Rama.
-
Thanks J. :)
Comment from squid152
I want to look at something that is new. I am tired of looking at that red headed nut on the internet! You got some good color here so I am gonna read it! You disappoited in every way which is pretty good! The red really hit my head! -gary
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
|
I want to look at something that is new. I am tired of looking at that red headed nut on the internet! You got some good color here so I am gonna read it! You disappoited in every way which is pretty good! The red really hit my head! -gary
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
-
Thank you Gary.
