No Such Luck
Revision of an earlier poem145 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I liked the way you ended this one. God is all the luck and support you need. I liked the quick pace of this. I like the fact that you delved into the basis of the common luck stories. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I liked the way you ended this one. God is all the luck and support you need. I liked the quick pace of this. I like the fact that you delved into the basis of the common luck stories. Nicely done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Amen Hargis. Thank you for the review.
Comment from lappmellott
I loved your poem. It says all the things I believe are true. There is no way to happiness, except through God. Too many people try to find happiness on the outside, when, in fact, it is on the inside of our hearts.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I loved your poem. It says all the things I believe are true. There is no way to happiness, except through God. Too many people try to find happiness on the outside, when, in fact, it is on the inside of our hearts.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you lapp.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think most of us are superstitious in one way or another, but we just wont admit it. Everything you say is true, but watch how many would cross the road rather than walk under a ladder. It's inbred, I think. A very good read and I think it would make a good dinner party conversation! xsx
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I think most of us are superstitious in one way or another, but we just wont admit it. Everything you say is true, but watch how many would cross the road rather than walk under a ladder. It's inbred, I think. A very good read and I think it would make a good dinner party conversation! xsx
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Sandra.
Comment from whispersofthesoul
Hiya,
Your overall message is ok. I have to disagree with you you make your own luck and sometimes you are blessed with luck.
Your stanzas started off ok but then the amount of lines changed per stanza and your rhyme scheme is inconsistent. It didn't flow well and it didn't read too well it felt more like preaching than a piece of poetry.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Hiya,
Your overall message is ok. I have to disagree with you you make your own luck and sometimes you are blessed with luck.
Your stanzas started off ok but then the amount of lines changed per stanza and your rhyme scheme is inconsistent. It didn't flow well and it didn't read too well it felt more like preaching than a piece of poetry.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Whispers.
Comment from Liilia
This poem is full of conviction and enthusiasm. You make your point very well here. Also, the rhyming and descriptions are very good. I particularly like the following lines:
Into a world old fables and folktales that aren't true
A rabbit's foot is a rabbit's foot, nothing more
and the following is refreshingly original:
Are just the results of an unamused culture's insidious imagination
When the poem comes to a conclusion, I love the line:
So please just relax your heart mind and soul
That is something I want to do every day and your poem helps me to get centered in that direction - the direction of faith in Jesus.
Thanks for a great read.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This poem is full of conviction and enthusiasm. You make your point very well here. Also, the rhyming and descriptions are very good. I particularly like the following lines:
Into a world old fables and folktales that aren't true
A rabbit's foot is a rabbit's foot, nothing more
and the following is refreshingly original:
Are just the results of an unamused culture's insidious imagination
When the poem comes to a conclusion, I love the line:
So please just relax your heart mind and soul
That is something I want to do every day and your poem helps me to get centered in that direction - the direction of faith in Jesus.
Thanks for a great read.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Liilia.
Comment from Selestia
Isn't it amazing that in a world so technologically advanced, there is still so much superstition abounding? So many people who profess not to be superstitious and who also profess to be Christians, have to read their horoscope every day. Very nice poem with a passionate feeling for the message. I like this phrase: "unamused culture's insidious imagination"
The following are suggestions only.
Just a couple of small errors:
Into a world [missing word - "of" makes sense and makes line smoother] old fables and folktales that aren't true.
[Seven-year broken mirrors] are just a fabrication. The words in the brackets don't really make sense since the belief is seven years of bad luck from a broken mirror.
Finally . . . you have a period at the end of each line creating some sentence fragments because some of the periods should be commas. Either use appropriate punctuation or none.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Isn't it amazing that in a world so technologically advanced, there is still so much superstition abounding? So many people who profess not to be superstitious and who also profess to be Christians, have to read their horoscope every day. Very nice poem with a passionate feeling for the message. I like this phrase: "unamused culture's insidious imagination"
The following are suggestions only.
Just a couple of small errors:
Into a world [missing word - "of" makes sense and makes line smoother] old fables and folktales that aren't true.
[Seven-year broken mirrors] are just a fabrication. The words in the brackets don't really make sense since the belief is seven years of bad luck from a broken mirror.
Finally . . . you have a period at the end of each line creating some sentence fragments because some of the periods should be commas. Either use appropriate punctuation or none.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your advice Selestia.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
"Step on a crack / Break your mother's back" is another one that needs to be debunked. It was a compulsion maker for little kids. Blessings and best wishes, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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"Step on a crack / Break your mother's back" is another one that needs to be debunked. It was a compulsion maker for little kids. Blessings and best wishes, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Jean.
Comment from Kingsland
No one controls my life but me. To let another in control is foolishness. I am a slave to no one, not even Jesus. If he were here he would tell you this. One controls one's own self. Superstition is a waste of time and effort. This is a well written poetic voice... John
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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No one controls my life but me. To let another in control is foolishness. I am a slave to no one, not even Jesus. If he were here he would tell you this. One controls one's own self. Superstition is a waste of time and effort. This is a well written poetic voice... John
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you John .
Comment from Bicpen
This is an intrepet piece whereby this young man has deliberatley put his faith on the line...
...this is to be commended.
The disapproval of superstition and ritual is to be applauded within the psyche of this young "clown."
However, a word of advice is to be noted that there are others such as Satanists who enjoy such things that this poem denounces.
Please remember it is a social and religious freedom that others sometimes enjoy. I would ask this young man as to why he has particulary singled out the Irish for his displeasure but then maybe thats a personal issue.
Not all of the Irish are able to succumb to such horrible and profane ideologies...maybe this is to do with the size of the cerebrum that they have been gifted with but I do feel that though we enjoy telling and sharing our faith through rhyme and meter, whatever that faith maybe, we must be careful as not to bring insinuation and insult to the perfectly innocent...
...this would be a most harmful injustice.
I am not Irish but I have known some animals that come from Irish heritage such as the Irish setter...its a dog or a rabbit, I think...! They are very loyal creatures and as such divulge in ritual especially at meal times, they are to be applauded.
Great structure perfect rhyme and the meter a 4/3/4/3 is that of the traditional ballad. The internal rhyme and exquisite language and use of metaphor and simile is fanstory'tastic. This poem is one for my book.
Five stars to be awarded at any given moment.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This is an intrepet piece whereby this young man has deliberatley put his faith on the line...
...this is to be commended.
The disapproval of superstition and ritual is to be applauded within the psyche of this young "clown."
However, a word of advice is to be noted that there are others such as Satanists who enjoy such things that this poem denounces.
Please remember it is a social and religious freedom that others sometimes enjoy. I would ask this young man as to why he has particulary singled out the Irish for his displeasure but then maybe thats a personal issue.
Not all of the Irish are able to succumb to such horrible and profane ideologies...maybe this is to do with the size of the cerebrum that they have been gifted with but I do feel that though we enjoy telling and sharing our faith through rhyme and meter, whatever that faith maybe, we must be careful as not to bring insinuation and insult to the perfectly innocent...
...this would be a most harmful injustice.
I am not Irish but I have known some animals that come from Irish heritage such as the Irish setter...its a dog or a rabbit, I think...! They are very loyal creatures and as such divulge in ritual especially at meal times, they are to be applauded.
Great structure perfect rhyme and the meter a 4/3/4/3 is that of the traditional ballad. The internal rhyme and exquisite language and use of metaphor and simile is fanstory'tastic. This poem is one for my book.
Five stars to be awarded at any given moment.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Very true Bicpen. Thank you for the review.
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Anytime, my friend...
Comment from Oldsteamer
World old fables needs to be changed to old world fables or world of fables.
I think luck is where you find it.
We tend to make our own luck either good or bad.
Regards,
- R -
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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World old fables needs to be changed to old world fables or world of fables.
I think luck is where you find it.
We tend to make our own luck either good or bad.
Regards,
- R -
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your advice steamer.
