Spiritual Oasis
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Baptized Anew"a collection of spiritual poems
12 total reviews
Comment from Bayberry
"His hand is on my cheek when I awake"...this is a comforting line for those who dread whatever is to be faced on a troubled day, as well as for those who are at peace because they know they will never be alone throughout eternity. I enjoyed reading this so much, Yelena, and I very much appreciate how well you are able to share your heart through such superb sonnets as this. xxoo
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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"His hand is on my cheek when I awake"...this is a comforting line for those who dread whatever is to be faced on a troubled day, as well as for those who are at peace because they know they will never be alone throughout eternity. I enjoyed reading this so much, Yelena, and I very much appreciate how well you are able to share your heart through such superb sonnets as this. xxoo
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Josie, for this superb exceptional review and the honor of your six stars. I am so glad you liked mu spiritual sonnet. Once in a while I dwell on spiritual poetry, and it brings me much comfort.
Blessings and love, Yelena
Comment from joelh605
Splendid, Yelena, Not quite a six, but still splendid.
Line 10,
the gold fish and the shifting coral sand,
could as easily be this:
the golden fish and shifting coral sand,
which takes the stress away from 'and' and puts it on 'fish'; a tiny change, but see whether you don't like the effect better.
I love the repeated initial vowel sounds of "aches and ires" - marvelous, because the second springs from the first.
Other questions - did you consider 'hand' at the end of line 12? - since 'land' doesn't agree well with Neptune or fish or coral.
Two years ago you could not have come close to this; one year ago this would have been a shock. Today, it gives me a big smile.
-Joel
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Splendid, Yelena, Not quite a six, but still splendid.
Line 10,
the gold fish and the shifting coral sand,
could as easily be this:
the golden fish and shifting coral sand,
which takes the stress away from 'and' and puts it on 'fish'; a tiny change, but see whether you don't like the effect better.
I love the repeated initial vowel sounds of "aches and ires" - marvelous, because the second springs from the first.
Other questions - did you consider 'hand' at the end of line 12? - since 'land' doesn't agree well with Neptune or fish or coral.
Two years ago you could not have come close to this; one year ago this would have been a shock. Today, it gives me a big smile.
-Joel
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Gil, for your great review, and almost a six.
I took your suggestion on "the golden fish" as it eliminates the second "the" in one sentence.
Always happy to see thorough scholastic reviews at my page.
Hugs, Yelena
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Oh I just love this one. Such a beautiful uplifting sonnet. We must give it all to the Lord and He will strengthen and comfort as you say. Very well done.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Oh I just love this one. Such a beautiful uplifting sonnet. We must give it all to the Lord and He will strengthen and comfort as you say. Very well done.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thanks for the great review. Every now and then I dwell on a spiritual poetry - it gives great comfort.
Hugs and love, Y.
Comment from Joan E.
Your spiritual sonnet is quite compelling. I admired your alternating rhymes and lovely rhythm. Your images of "opal woods and swans" contrast so vividly with "Neptune's lust." Your strong title establishes the theme perfectly. Well done! Hugs- Joan
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Your spiritual sonnet is quite compelling. I admired your alternating rhymes and lovely rhythm. Your images of "opal woods and swans" contrast so vividly with "Neptune's lust." Your strong title establishes the theme perfectly. Well done! Hugs- Joan
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Joan. I felt like writing a spiritual sonnet today. I find spiritual poetry soothing; and every now and then I dwell on it. Today was such a day. My metaphors accompanied me of course (smile).
Blessings and love always, Yelena
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Thanks again for sharing your serenity and metaphors. -Joan
Comment from Rembrandt
The rhyme of this sonnet follows the design well and the classic iambic pentameter moves the pace continuously, until the fourth line of the first quatrain. There the word "baptized" has the stress on the first syllable making the word fit the trochee pattern. The last line of the couplet at the end of the verse presents a similar difficulty with the two "m"s each demanding a stress in their proximity. The beauty of the meaning is bathed with grateful appreciation which humbly honors the Lord. Personally I love the line, "His hand is on my cheek when I awake." I look forward to reading more of your thoughtful work!
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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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The rhyme of this sonnet follows the design well and the classic iambic pentameter moves the pace continuously, until the fourth line of the first quatrain. There the word "baptized" has the stress on the first syllable making the word fit the trochee pattern. The last line of the couplet at the end of the verse presents a similar difficulty with the two "m"s each demanding a stress in their proximity. The beauty of the meaning is bathed with grateful appreciation which humbly honors the Lord. Personally I love the line, "His hand is on my cheek when I awake." I look forward to reading more of your thoughtful work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the great review and feedback. I agree on the line starting with "baptized". But the last line of the quatrain the word "metamorphosis" is pronounced as Ë?me-tÉ?-Ë?moÌ?r-fÉ?-sÉ?s, which fits in the iambic pattern, I believe. Another reviewer mentioned to me that his favorite line is the same as yours. Again, I appreciate your thourough review and the time you took to give your feedback. I'llo ponder on the "baptized' line. Love and hugs, Y.
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Yes, I agree that the true stress is as you say... but if "my" is unstressed and the "me" is unstressed, then you have an anapaest metered foot, short, short, long. The word it able to accommodate the Iambic, but the line begins with My. If you put a long stress on "my" Then it turns the meter into trochee. Hope this helps. Please don't be discouraged. You write very well and soon will have little bits of minutia like this quickly recognized! KEEP WRITING!!!
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very well written poem and with a very good message about being born again I like how inspiring the poem was and about the changing thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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This is a very well written poem and with a very good message about being born again I like how inspiring the poem was and about the changing thank you for sharing
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the great review and feedback. Love, Yelena
Comment from Selestia
Nice rhythm, good rhyme scheme, efficient use of language. Theme appeals to those with religious belief in God. Indicates a sound relationship with God.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Nice rhythm, good rhyme scheme, efficient use of language. Theme appeals to those with religious belief in God. Indicates a sound relationship with God.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you very much for the great review.
Comment from kashmayank
good work,nice way tothank lord for everything i enjoyed reading it all the best for future ,nice concept better implementation
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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good work,nice way tothank lord for everything i enjoyed reading it all the best for future ,nice concept better implementation
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you very much for your review. Blessings and love, Y.
Comment from Anastajiya
This is a beautiful sonnet entry contest. I think it is a perfect poem and I thank you for sharing this great poem! Great job!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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This is a beautiful sonnet entry contest. I think it is a perfect poem and I thank you for sharing this great poem! Great job!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your review and rating. Blessings, Y.
Comment from vfbryant
This is a real testimony to the power and love of God in our lives, and how it changes everything--our perceptions of nature, our view of difficulties, and even our sense that we are loved. I think my favorite line is, 'His hand is on my cheek when I awake'. Of all the gods mankind has worshiped, none could be described as loving us so intimately. Beautiful.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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This is a real testimony to the power and love of God in our lives, and how it changes everything--our perceptions of nature, our view of difficulties, and even our sense that we are loved. I think my favorite line is, 'His hand is on my cheek when I awake'. Of all the gods mankind has worshiped, none could be described as loving us so intimately. Beautiful.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you very much for your gracious review and compliment. Blessings and love, Y.
