Viewing the World With Fresh Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Riding the Rail"The fifteen Years of My Life
43 total reviews
Comment from RodG
I like how you paint each scene of this memoir from a child's point of view. We see the big locomotive and its smoke when she first boards the train. But we get a vague glimpse of its interior until after the layover.
Her stay with her aunt and cousins those two weeks are mostly glossed over. But overall we understand why this first train trip to Texas for a country girl was fun.
Can you rephrase the following sentence without using THERE twice?
There was a whole different world out there, and I wanted to be a part of it.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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I like how you paint each scene of this memoir from a child's point of view. We see the big locomotive and its smoke when she first boards the train. But we get a vague glimpse of its interior until after the layover.
Her stay with her aunt and cousins those two weeks are mostly glossed over. But overall we understand why this first train trip to Texas for a country girl was fun.
Can you rephrase the following sentence without using THERE twice?
There was a whole different world out there, and I wanted to be a part of it.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Thank you Rod. I appreciate the review. As you suggested I've removed the additional "there".
Beth
Comment from Julie Lau
Beth, I really enjoyed this story from the past. I'd just like to make a few suggestions:
1) Daddy kissed us goodbye... remove punctuation and capitalization.
2) The only unpleasant thing was that ... insert 'that'
3) ...tender flesh, unused as it was to the... remove 2nd comma.
4) 2 typos in 2nd-last para: form->from, and ot->to
Thanks again for a very entertaining and well-written story.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Beth, I really enjoyed this story from the past. I'd just like to make a few suggestions:
1) Daddy kissed us goodbye... remove punctuation and capitalization.
2) The only unpleasant thing was that ... insert 'that'
3) ...tender flesh, unused as it was to the... remove 2nd comma.
4) 2 typos in 2nd-last para: form->from, and ot->to
Thanks again for a very entertaining and well-written story.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Thank you Julie, I appreciate the review, comments, and suggestions. I changed them all except the second with "that". I've gotten paranoid about using that because another author on this site makes me omit the "thats" Her editors say they aren't necessary and won't let her use them. I did rework that sentence.
Comment from Ben Colder
I need a six for this one. I can see this happening as I remember the peaceful times within the time era. Before Intergration in a world in make-believe at the age of six. Uncle Remus, Bur Rabbit, Ber Fox, Walt Dizney was alive. Good days to our six years of existence. Well done, Beth.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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I need a six for this one. I can see this happening as I remember the peaceful times within the time era. Before Intergration in a world in make-believe at the age of six. Uncle Remus, Bur Rabbit, Ber Fox, Walt Dizney was alive. Good days to our six years of existence. Well done, Beth.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Yes those were the days when life was simple and movies were fun. Poor old Uncle Remus got banned from the theaters and this generation won't ever get to see Ber Fox and Ber Rabbit.
Comment from gazzagodbod
its amazing how the dash to stop sadness could leave you with happy memories but true in the fact that children dont understand and have fun regardless great work your vote is mine xxgazzaxx
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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its amazing how the dash to stop sadness could leave you with happy memories but true in the fact that children dont understand and have fun regardless great work your vote is mine xxgazzaxx
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. At that age I don't think I even knew what divorce was. All that mattered to me was an exciting adventure.
Comment from Capricorn30
Wonderful train ride story;I have a fascination with trains, and railroads, and your writing I enjoyed so very much;
"The black smoke was barely visible in the darkness of pre-dawn";I easily envision the billowing smoke, and I can feel your excitement also as you prepare for your railroad journey;
I like the mention of the conversation with the soldiers; that would be an extra special train ride for a young person;
Thank you for sharing this great story,a childhood memory, which no doubt will be with you for all time!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Wonderful train ride story;I have a fascination with trains, and railroads, and your writing I enjoyed so very much;
"The black smoke was barely visible in the darkness of pre-dawn";I easily envision the billowing smoke, and I can feel your excitement also as you prepare for your railroad journey;
I like the mention of the conversation with the soldiers; that would be an extra special train ride for a young person;
Thank you for sharing this great story,a childhood memory, which no doubt will be with you for all time!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the in depth comments. I enjoyed reading them. I'm so glad you liked my story.
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You're very welcome:)
Comment from artemis53
What a wonderful read! I thoroughly enjoyed it through the eyes of a child. Your images were so vivid and the characters so very real!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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What a wonderful read! I thoroughly enjoyed it through the eyes of a child. Your images were so vivid and the characters so very real!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and the lovely comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from ennahanid
I enjoyed very much reading your childhood memory Riding the Rail sounds like a fine memory to have and a keeper for sure. We must be close to the same age, amazing, I find, how clear the memories are way back when when I couldn't tell you what I had for dinner a couple of nights ago.LOL
Thanks for entertaining me this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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I enjoyed very much reading your childhood memory Riding the Rail sounds like a fine memory to have and a keeper for sure. We must be close to the same age, amazing, I find, how clear the memories are way back when when I couldn't tell you what I had for dinner a couple of nights ago.LOL
Thanks for entertaining me this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. Yes, those memories of long ago stand out much clearer than what happened last week.
Comment from ylrebmikamsedel1
Wow! That was fun! What a marvelous portrait of a young, small town boy you've drawn for us. This was a delight to read. It flowed very well and it never lagged. You've done a wonderful job presenting the whole picture for us and inviting us to relive it with you. What a pleasure to read.
Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Wow! That was fun! What a marvelous portrait of a young, small town boy you've drawn for us. This was a delight to read. It flowed very well and it never lagged. You've done a wonderful job presenting the whole picture for us and inviting us to relive it with you. What a pleasure to read.
Well done!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the review and your delightful comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the childhood memory about your ride on the train. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the childhood memory about your ride on the train. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you for reviewing this and for your nice comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from poetstar
This story is so fantastic. I hung on every word and never got bored. I could see, hear, feel, and sense all the things
you mentioned in this great short story. What a fun and exciting time this was for a six year old. Did all this really happen to you? Yes your mom did create a lifetime of happy memories in her effort to save your brother's marriage.
Vonnie
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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This story is so fantastic. I hung on every word and never got bored. I could see, hear, feel, and sense all the things
you mentioned in this great short story. What a fun and exciting time this was for a six year old. Did all this really happen to you? Yes your mom did create a lifetime of happy memories in her effort to save your brother's marriage.
Vonnie
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for the wonderful six star rating. I'm so pleased you liked it and felt it worthy of six stars. Yes it really happened to. It was the highlight of my sixth years. Your comments were so nice to read.
