A Night by the Fire
Just an idea I got while daydreaming.4 total reviews
Comment from terry drake
Now that is a 5-7-5 verse poem that tells a story. Most of these poems just throw three lines together that don't relate or make a unified thought.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Now that is a 5-7-5 verse poem that tells a story. Most of these poems just throw three lines together that don't relate or make a unified thought.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much! Anything I could do to make it better?
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Can you fit in the fact that sparks rise into the dark black sky.
Sparks soared in black sky
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Most certainly!
Comment from marchapril
I like how you described the sky in the first line. I also appreciated that you carried over the image into the second one. Very nicely done. Just curious, could you have made a reference to it in the third?
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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I like how you described the sky in the first line. I also appreciated that you carried over the image into the second one. Very nicely done. Just curious, could you have made a reference to it in the third?
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Thank you! I probably should have carried on with the same imagery.
Comment from ltb211
I didn't really get it. It was defintley not very discriptive . I was a little confused with the message. You didn't really talk alot about the boy or " him"
The sylables where correct.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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I didn't really get it. It was defintley not very discriptive . I was a little confused with the message. You didn't really talk alot about the boy or " him"
The sylables where correct.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Do you have an advise? I usually do free verse and they are usually longer, but I'm trying to expand my horizons.
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I'm sorry I was so harsh I am very sorry.
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Don't worry about it I was just wondering what would improve it. There is nothing wrong with saying what you think, but thank you for being so kind!
Comment from HAPPIOTTER
This is a really good poem. I can't figure out I it is a rage this person has and or anger, or if it is a deep lust for something or someone! Great writing though! Happi
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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This is a really good poem. I can't figure out I it is a rage this person has and or anger, or if it is a deep lust for something or someone! Great writing though! Happi
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much! That's extremely nice of you to say!