The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Pillars In The Sand"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
7 total reviews
Comment from mandieleigh81
I'm so trying to catch up with this story and characters, but I have a hard time keeping up because there is so much going on right here in this chapter, so many names but I'm yet to quiet know all the characters therefore it may just be me but other then that, just waiting on the next chapter. :)
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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I'm so trying to catch up with this story and characters, but I have a hard time keeping up because there is so much going on right here in this chapter, so many names but I'm yet to quiet know all the characters therefore it may just be me but other then that, just waiting on the next chapter. :)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2012
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thanks for the review. Many of the wedding guests are such minor characters, I wouldnt worry!
Comment from Adam C. Glasier
I haven't kept up with the plot, but here's one thing I like: "Marriage problems had erupted volcanically, spilling malice and envy towards us and Tony." I really liked this analogy, you compared the two subjects so beautifully and intricately together, it's practically poetry!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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I haven't kept up with the plot, but here's one thing I like: "Marriage problems had erupted volcanically, spilling malice and envy towards us and Tony." I really liked this analogy, you compared the two subjects so beautifully and intricately together, it's practically poetry!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
Comment from desirm
For this story or a book chapter,I really the structure also the story and the character seem believable for me and the hand writing was good.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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For this story or a book chapter,I really the structure also the story and the character seem believable for me and the hand writing was good.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from barkingdog
This is the first chapter that I've read for a while.
They are a fun and happy bunch.
Aunty and Goliath brought great humor to the piece and the proposal after a naked swim was a sign of the times along with the World of Warcraft theme dance.
Your dialogue was very good and sounded natural.
I saw no corrections and did enjoy view of their evening.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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This is the first chapter that I've read for a while.
They are a fun and happy bunch.
Aunty and Goliath brought great humor to the piece and the proposal after a naked swim was a sign of the times along with the World of Warcraft theme dance.
Your dialogue was very good and sounded natural.
I saw no corrections and did enjoy view of their evening.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you very much for your kind comments.
Comment from Chrisfiore
Greetings vigournet, This is an interesting chapter, brief but with a lot of action and just enough dialog to help propel the story along. Here are a couple things I noticed:
like a dead fish
like a volcano
Feeling like lambs led to the slaughter
Like the poet said, "I like like a little but I don't like a little a lot". In this short span of about 5-600 words, one occurrence of "like is acceptable, twice is once too often and three or more is just downright distracting for my tastes. You are far too good a writer to fall into the "like" trap. Try a different way to describe using metaphors.
Also, "Lambs led to the slaughter" is cliche. Again, don't get lazy on the reader, come up with your own passage... invent one! You obviously have an imagination, feel free to use it when writing short these short chapters.
The background information describing John Morgan was superb, by the way. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Greetings vigournet, This is an interesting chapter, brief but with a lot of action and just enough dialog to help propel the story along. Here are a couple things I noticed:
like a dead fish
like a volcano
Feeling like lambs led to the slaughter
Like the poet said, "I like like a little but I don't like a little a lot". In this short span of about 5-600 words, one occurrence of "like is acceptable, twice is once too often and three or more is just downright distracting for my tastes. You are far too good a writer to fall into the "like" trap. Try a different way to describe using metaphors.
Also, "Lambs led to the slaughter" is cliche. Again, don't get lazy on the reader, come up with your own passage... invent one! You obviously have an imagination, feel free to use it when writing short these short chapters.
The background information describing John Morgan was superb, by the way. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you very much for your great and experienced comments. I have amended two of the phrases, and will have a think about the sheep.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, well, that's much better! Oh how I love Goliath! That scene with the whimpering offender is just as sweet as can be! But enough - you already know I think your plot is strong, your characters even stronger, the dialogue natural and realistic and the descriptions vivid. Here's what I found - 1.)typo - between the comma and the quotation marks there's a space that shouldn't be there: "Let's get it over before it gets too dark," Sean...2.)"...feeling like lambs (led) to..." (Reads a bit better, in my opinion anyway. Otherwise, I think this is my favorite chapter of what I've read so far - plenty going on and charmingly fun!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Well, well, that's much better! Oh how I love Goliath! That scene with the whimpering offender is just as sweet as can be! But enough - you already know I think your plot is strong, your characters even stronger, the dialogue natural and realistic and the descriptions vivid. Here's what I found - 1.)typo - between the comma and the quotation marks there's a space that shouldn't be there: "Let's get it over before it gets too dark," Sean...2.)"...feeling like lambs (led) to..." (Reads a bit better, in my opinion anyway. Otherwise, I think this is my favorite chapter of what I've read so far - plenty going on and charmingly fun!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thanks for your encouragement and advice. amendments done...:P
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My pleasure!
Comment from bowls
Did I miss something here? I was on pins and needles wanting to know who the kidnapper was and why he grabbed the child and suddenly everyone's joking and having fun. Either you've left out a chapter by mistake or I've totally misunderstood the last one. I do think this chapter is lots of fun, but not what I expected.
Ah! I feel much better now! You've solved the dilemma nicely here and added another link to earlier events in the novel. Just one little suggestion, if I may. In the first paragraph the verbs should be parallel: "NIPPED his ankles and PULLED at his trousers.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Did I miss something here? I was on pins and needles wanting to know who the kidnapper was and why he grabbed the child and suddenly everyone's joking and having fun. Either you've left out a chapter by mistake or I've totally misunderstood the last one. I do think this chapter is lots of fun, but not what I expected.
Ah! I feel much better now! You've solved the dilemma nicely here and added another link to earlier events in the novel. Just one little suggestion, if I may. In the first paragraph the verbs should be parallel: "NIPPED his ankles and PULLED at his trousers.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you soooo much for your dilgent read. I am so glad that I have a solid reviewer like you! In my current novel revision I had two chapter 87's, so had totally missed the ending of the abduction. WELL DONE AND THANKS! Please read again to see the ending..lol