The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Maps , Charts, Drawings and Notes"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
3 total reviews
Comment from TammyGail
excellent work once again vigournet
this made for another great read
I'm behind again :) trying to catch up
thanks for sharing hopping to the next
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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excellent work once again vigournet
this made for another great read
I'm behind again :) trying to catch up
thanks for sharing hopping to the next
Comment Written 26-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Thanks so much for your continued following and great comments
Comment from bowls
Fine connecting here - going back to the action in the first part of the novel and showing how various wedding guests were involved. It keeps things nicely tied together. Another thing I'm certain your readers will enjoy is the glimpse into the world of gaming. Many might never have had any contact with it. I do like the very end here where you illustrate that appearances can be deceptive. Perhaps we shouldn't be too quick to judge others.
In your first paragraph you've forgotten the apostrophe in "players' conversations". In the same paragraph you need one in "it's Little Red...".
I'm no expert on style, and this is merely a suggestion, but in your third paragraph might it be neater to say "fire-breathing Flying Dragon"? In paragraph four "recounts" should be "recount" to agree in number with the subject "friends". In paragraph six I'd suggest a semi-colon between "game" and "in" to separate the clauses.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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Fine connecting here - going back to the action in the first part of the novel and showing how various wedding guests were involved. It keeps things nicely tied together. Another thing I'm certain your readers will enjoy is the glimpse into the world of gaming. Many might never have had any contact with it. I do like the very end here where you illustrate that appearances can be deceptive. Perhaps we shouldn't be too quick to judge others.
In your first paragraph you've forgotten the apostrophe in "players' conversations". In the same paragraph you need one in "it's Little Red...".
I'm no expert on style, and this is merely a suggestion, but in your third paragraph might it be neater to say "fire-breathing Flying Dragon"? In paragraph four "recounts" should be "recount" to agree in number with the subject "friends". In paragraph six I'd suggest a semi-colon between "game" and "in" to separate the clauses.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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thanks for your really great and helpful review. I appreciate your time and advice.
Comment from jesukayode
This could be a great piece, much of what I see here is description and I don't get the chance to see any of the action(conflict) I will Love to read the rest
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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This could be a great piece, much of what I see here is description and I don't get the chance to see any of the action(conflict) I will Love to read the rest
Comment Written 25-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2012
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thanks for your review. currently i am revising the whole novel