The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "The Epic Disco"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
4 total reviews
Comment from bowls
More good news with the family sharing its happiness with those less fortunate. I'm wondering what the "cherubs" are in paragraph one. It's an expression I'm not familiar with. You worked that trouble maker Jason in nicely. That was a good way of pulling past events up into the present chapter. Was "crash" course in driving deliberately done with a double and humorous meaning? My only suggestion is that since it's a song title all the words "Oh Danny Boy" should be capitalized.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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More good news with the family sharing its happiness with those less fortunate. I'm wondering what the "cherubs" are in paragraph one. It's an expression I'm not familiar with. You worked that trouble maker Jason in nicely. That was a good way of pulling past events up into the present chapter. Was "crash" course in driving deliberately done with a double and humorous meaning? My only suggestion is that since it's a song title all the words "Oh Danny Boy" should be capitalized.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thanks for your reading and great assistance. "cherubs" are smaller angels.
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Yes, I know the word, but not how it's used here. Does it mean someone giving a donation or is it merely an expression? (My Canadian brain can't process it!)
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I realise now what you noted. I did find somewhere that "cherub" was a term for donations promised, but I cant find that now, so to be safe have amended it to cheques!
Comment from Gargantuan2
I can't say I found anything to discuss as far as corrections are concerned. I like the character development quite a bit, and I think the flow of the story is well kept. Keep up the good work, I like it a lot.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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I can't say I found anything to discuss as far as corrections are concerned. I like the character development quite a bit, and I think the flow of the story is well kept. Keep up the good work, I like it a lot.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Thank you very much for your kind comments.
Comment from arman khan
AS THE STORY MOVES THE FAMILY CONFLICTS SEEMS TO RESOLVING.THE CONFLICT IS GOING TO BE SETTLED. SUSPENSE IS THERE. CHARACTERIZATION IS ALSO GOOD.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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AS THE STORY MOVES THE FAMILY CONFLICTS SEEMS TO RESOLVING.THE CONFLICT IS GOING TO BE SETTLED. SUSPENSE IS THERE. CHARACTERIZATION IS ALSO GOOD.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your comments.
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
This was a well-written chapter. I'm assuming it was written as a ''transitional chapter'' as it was short and devoid of dialogue, mostly descriptive narrative. Very well done, nonetheless. But I'd still like to see a bit more dramatic edge here.
Thanks for sharing this one here.
cheers
js
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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This was a well-written chapter. I'm assuming it was written as a ''transitional chapter'' as it was short and devoid of dialogue, mostly descriptive narrative. Very well done, nonetheless. But I'd still like to see a bit more dramatic edge here.
Thanks for sharing this one here.
cheers
js
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Thank for your comments. My posted parts on FS are never really chapters, as will be in my revised novel, so I know that some portions will appear a bit tiresome.