The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Journeys"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
3 total reviews
Comment from bowls
Your strong descriptions enable the reader to picture these settings well. The little "teaser" near the end about the fancy dress requirement add a nice bit of humour and suspense. It's good to have your reader wanting to know details of future events; it keeps him reading with enthusiasm. Just one suggestion: perhaps change the "&" to "and" in the third paragraph.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Your strong descriptions enable the reader to picture these settings well. The little "teaser" near the end about the fancy dress requirement add a nice bit of humour and suspense. It's good to have your reader wanting to know details of future events; it keeps him reading with enthusiasm. Just one suggestion: perhaps change the "&" to "and" in the third paragraph.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your generous comment and advice, "and" is much better, thanks!
Comment from Dawn Munro
Nicely written, tight and detailed. The dialogue was so charming I would have loved to see more of it, but since it is a chapter, and a fairly short one, I'm sure there's much more coming (which, by the way, I will look forward to eagerly!) I spend a lot of time, sometimes, in reviewing, particularly if I feel that I can help in any way. I read yours quickly. But because I think it has such merit, I'm going to go on to offer three suggestions: (it's all I found that I might change, and by all means, if you don't agree it helps, please do not alter!) 1.) you don't need the word articles after periodical-simply add an 's' "periodicals". 2.) (and these next two I want you to check, because I could be mistaken - though I don't think I am - the word is "refurbish" 3.) I believe an excellent word choice to replace "accompaniments" (and add just that little extra 'zing') would be 'accoutrements'. (I think the origin of the word may be French, not that it really matters, but it sounds a bit more glamorous, - n'est pas?:)(giggle- I'm not even sure if that's how you spell n'est pas in French!) Good job of holding my interest, and very clean writing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Nicely written, tight and detailed. The dialogue was so charming I would have loved to see more of it, but since it is a chapter, and a fairly short one, I'm sure there's much more coming (which, by the way, I will look forward to eagerly!) I spend a lot of time, sometimes, in reviewing, particularly if I feel that I can help in any way. I read yours quickly. But because I think it has such merit, I'm going to go on to offer three suggestions: (it's all I found that I might change, and by all means, if you don't agree it helps, please do not alter!) 1.) you don't need the word articles after periodical-simply add an 's' "periodicals". 2.) (and these next two I want you to check, because I could be mistaken - though I don't think I am - the word is "refurbish" 3.) I believe an excellent word choice to replace "accompaniments" (and add just that little extra 'zing') would be 'accoutrements'. (I think the origin of the word may be French, not that it really matters, but it sounds a bit more glamorous, - n'est pas?:)(giggle- I'm not even sure if that's how you spell n'est pas in French!) Good job of holding my interest, and very clean writing.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful review. I have made the amendments you suggested, but changed the periodical to media, as my idea was to have magazine sections on the wall. The origin is probably French, so merci-biens!
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Another great short one, more of a ''transitional'' chapter, I d say, where the reader gets a break from your masterful showing through dialogue, and gets to sample some well-delivered telling through description. Works well enough, even out of context. Keep going...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Another great short one, more of a ''transitional'' chapter, I d say, where the reader gets a break from your masterful showing through dialogue, and gets to sample some well-delivered telling through description. Works well enough, even out of context. Keep going...
cheers
js
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your kind review