Comment from bowls

Excellent

Those are ominous words you end with. I'm wondering if you are preparing your reader for something terrible to come. Whether you are or not, this is a good way of creating suspense. Love those kindles! I have one myself.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012

Thanks for reading. I also value my kindle!

Comment from Dawn Munro

Average

I loved the character description, and the imaginative way the author portrayed his strength. But I was a bit confused by the voice;the style of writing seems rather wavering. He was 'chilling' didn't seem to fit. That he read in bed was fun, and I learned about Kindle too.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2012

Thank you for your kind words and helpful comments.

reply by Dawn Munro on 13-Jul-2012

You are most welcome. I look forward to the next chapter!

Comment from RaymondJohn

Excellent

Is this fiction, or is it in the wrong category? I still use paper, but getting close to buying a Kindle. Interesting write. Ray

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2012

thanks for your comment. The chapter is part of my fictional novel, but I have used chunks of my personal life in the tale. You won't regret buying a kindle.

Comment from Taffspride

Excellent

This is so well written and flows so well. I like your description of the kindle. Unless I have missed a vital part of the story, the only thing I would question is your use of the past tense in describing the device. It might suggest that te kindle is no longer available.

Nevertheless it is a great read. Thank you.
Iechyd da, Taffspride

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2012

Thanks for your comments and advice. This is my first novel, so I am learning a great deal! I am often using the past tense as my character is looking back, but as you correctly point out, there are time when I should have used present tense. I will take a look...thanks.

reply by Taffspride on 13-Jul-2012

You are so welcome. Believe me, I understand what you are going through. My problem when editing my own work is, I see what I think I have written. Often it takes a fresh eye pick up on something. One of the things I found helpful (on the advice of one of my writing instructors) is to read my work aloud, I catch many grammatical punctuation errors that way.