Comment from bowls

Excellent

There's a tongue twister here: "Love young's dream"> Do you mean young love's dream? love's young dream?
I like the way you've updated pretty well everyone's status here and reminded us of the various couples. Rachel seems to have been gone for a while. Hope everything's all right there.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

Thanks again for your great review and help..well spotted..i have amended that phrase.

Comment from LucyB

Excellent

I chuckled too! I like the way you just blurt out the story! It is very effective. You let us all know what is going on with out a bunch of fluff! I am the fluff girl, I'm afraid! Your story is doing well!

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

Thank you for your continuing reading. having a "bit of fluff" used to be an endearing phrase of having a real beauty!

reply by LucyB on 05-Jul-2012

I always think of fluff as filler! As in, "too many words"!

Comment from Sloegin

Good

Darkness approached at 19.00 to 19:00
We showered and got changed. (leave out, GOT)
You got a message across, but there is no conflict, no tension, all happy endings. You told us everything, try showing.
Sloegin

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

Thanks for your review and helpful advice. I am certainly going to implement more show than tell, when I do my revisions.

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

oh and this one was was well enjoyed as well
stunning work vigournet, loved your closing on this
one a holiday indeed seems in order. Thanks for
sharing always a pleasure

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

thanks for your continued reading and kind words.