Comment from LancsLass

Excellent

Hi, still following and enjoying your story. I just wanted to point that:

'Rising from his office chair I observed that he had shrunk in the past twenty minutes, if that was possible for such a little man.'
As written the narrator is rising from the office chair.
Also
'breaking and entering as she had not had authorisation to [enter] Caleb's room...'

Cheers, Anna

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012

Thanks again for your perseverance and help.

Comment from bowls

Excellent

What a great ruse played on that nasty little man! You've inserted an element of humour here very smoothly, indeed. Here I like the description of the very stark appearance of the Lower Ground Floor. The neon lights, the concrete stairs, all give this place a very stark atmosphere. Another area in which you seem to excel is in descriptions of setting. You have the ability to transport your reader anywhere with your words. In the fourth paragraph from the end there's an error in subject-verb agreement. "(BOTH) a female and a male officer (WERE)interviewing her."

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2012

Thank you for your wonderfullly kind words. As ever your advice is welcome.

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

and yet another I think I enjoyed this
read more than the last and your closing
was ever compelling.. great read thanks for
sharing it was indeed a pleasure to read and review

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2012

thanks for your kind words.