The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Sean meets Joshua"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
3 total reviews
Comment from bowls
Once again, an excellent place to stop. It keeps your readers wondering what this to-do is all about - especially since you've mentioned it early on and now again at the end. I also enjoyed the fact that James seems to be turning into a very capable and reliable person given this new responsibility. You've done a good job of illustrating this development while still keeping him from being perfect, which would be totally unrealistic. You've introduced a little hint of a possible problem with Rachel's failure to return so far, and it looks like you're setting up another romance-by long distance this time. Take a look at the paragraph beginning, "Becky comforted him...."Rachel and Becky WAS going should be WERE going. Apart from that, splendid prose here.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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Once again, an excellent place to stop. It keeps your readers wondering what this to-do is all about - especially since you've mentioned it early on and now again at the end. I also enjoyed the fact that James seems to be turning into a very capable and reliable person given this new responsibility. You've done a good job of illustrating this development while still keeping him from being perfect, which would be totally unrealistic. You've introduced a little hint of a possible problem with Rachel's failure to return so far, and it looks like you're setting up another romance-by long distance this time. Take a look at the paragraph beginning, "Becky comforted him...."Rachel and Becky WAS going should be WERE going. Apart from that, splendid prose here.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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Thanks for noticing my gaffs. I really do appreciate your help.
Comment from BWJust
There's an odd feeling of calm setting and relaxed characters with an urgent problem.
I have a personal preference for your setting and the subject matter, so I probably enjoy this read on that alone. I only wish you would dump some dialogue on me as a reader, long dialogue, a full conversation.
I think it's a 4.5/5 Thank you for the pleasure of reading it. I'll check out the first chapter of The Eden Tree in a moment.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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There's an odd feeling of calm setting and relaxed characters with an urgent problem.
I have a personal preference for your setting and the subject matter, so I probably enjoy this read on that alone. I only wish you would dump some dialogue on me as a reader, long dialogue, a full conversation.
I think it's a 4.5/5 Thank you for the pleasure of reading it. I'll check out the first chapter of The Eden Tree in a moment.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. It really helps me to get better. I know that "show rather than tell" is something I will have to address.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
debriefing is one word
you have used 2000 as time and the 8 am. I would be consistent in this.
Some of your paragraphs need spaces between them.
Interesting and enjoyable story~Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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debriefing is one word
you have used 2000 as time and the 8 am. I would be consistent in this.
Some of your paragraphs need spaces between them.
Interesting and enjoyable story~Debbie
Comment Written 01-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your comment and advice.