All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Red Pearls"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
94 total reviews
Comment from Carole Rosa
Sharyn, I worry about this everyday!! When I forget what I entered the room for, I fear that I'm getting dementia too. My mother was in a nursing home for 12 years and I cared for her daily. Sometimes I went to visit her two times a day. The frightening things that I witnessed will remain in my memory forever. You told your story with charm and splendid awareness that only those that have had the experience can understand. Excellent. Carole
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Sharyn, I worry about this everyday!! When I forget what I entered the room for, I fear that I'm getting dementia too. My mother was in a nursing home for 12 years and I cared for her daily. Sometimes I went to visit her two times a day. The frightening things that I witnessed will remain in my memory forever. You told your story with charm and splendid awareness that only those that have had the experience can understand. Excellent. Carole
Comment Written 03-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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thx again Carole - we will keep that faith!
Comment from Maria C.
Whew. I barely breathed while reading this. I guess it hit just too close to home. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia and we were dealing with a lot. She was then diagnosed with cancer and only lived two weeks after her diagnosis. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I am so glad your situation had a happy ending.
Your poem described the horror well. It is well written with noticeable poetic devices. I like the simile, "like fluid red pearls." Good consonance and assonance throughout.
Blessings,
Maria
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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Whew. I barely breathed while reading this. I guess it hit just too close to home. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia and we were dealing with a lot. She was then diagnosed with cancer and only lived two weeks after her diagnosis. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I am so glad your situation had a happy ending.
Your poem described the horror well. It is well written with noticeable poetic devices. I like the simile, "like fluid red pearls." Good consonance and assonance throughout.
Blessings,
Maria
Comment Written 03-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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and bless you for your lovely review Maria!
Comment from fictionwriter
What a horrible disease that is, and it is hard to watch someone who has always been so compitent reduced to a raving maniac. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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What a horrible disease that is, and it is hard to watch someone who has always been so compitent reduced to a raving maniac. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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thx so much for reading & reviewing! so much appreciated - and yes, it is hard ...
Comment from skye
This is a horrific poem about the tragedy of emotional disturbances, whatever the cause.
Your notes were wonderful. Good luck to you all.
Very very well done. Good choice of colors, art, and great imagery.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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This is a horrific poem about the tragedy of emotional disturbances, whatever the cause.
Your notes were wonderful. Good luck to you all.
Very very well done. Good choice of colors, art, and great imagery.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2012
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thank you so much skye - glad you "got" my poem here and yes, we are soooo grateful at this point - let's keep the faith, always. Best wishes, Sharyn
Comment from Cornelius2000
What a beautiful, terrible and wonderful poem. What a horrible thing to experience with a loved one. I've experienced dementia patients, but they've all been passive. They look you right in the eye, and these people you've known for years have no idea who you are. I think it's the cruelest of diseases, as it spares no one.
The rating box won't allow me to give this the six stars I think it deserves. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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What a beautiful, terrible and wonderful poem. What a horrible thing to experience with a loved one. I've experienced dementia patients, but they've all been passive. They look you right in the eye, and these people you've known for years have no idea who you are. I think it's the cruelest of diseases, as it spares no one.
The rating box won't allow me to give this the six stars I think it deserves. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Then a virtual '6' it is Cornelius - thank you very much my dear! Yes, I was pleased with this one - thx for reading!!
Comment from abbasjoy
This is a great depiction of someone losing their mind. The reader can almost see this individual doing things that are absolutely crazy, and uncontrollable. It's truly a sad story, but I am really happy that this was a misdiagnosis and that she is now well. How your heart must have bled for your mother as you saw her change into a person you did not recognize.
Like a reversal of roles seemed to take place with the parent becoming the child and the child the parent.
Great job!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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This is a great depiction of someone losing their mind. The reader can almost see this individual doing things that are absolutely crazy, and uncontrollable. It's truly a sad story, but I am really happy that this was a misdiagnosis and that she is now well. How your heart must have bled for your mother as you saw her change into a person you did not recognize.
Like a reversal of roles seemed to take place with the parent becoming the child and the child the parent.
Great job!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Challenging time, that's for sure! thx so much for reading & reviewing Abba!
Comment from Linda England Bonam
Your poem was very good and a great one to read with all the visuals. But I especially enjoyed your author's notes explaining the situation. After I read the notes, I re-read the poem and it made a lot more sense to me that time.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Your poem was very good and a great one to read with all the visuals. But I especially enjoyed your author's notes explaining the situation. After I read the notes, I re-read the poem and it made a lot more sense to me that time.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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thx Linda!
Comment from TammyGail
Excellent work on this one girlie
it was creative and witty
and was ever happy to see it
end happy... thank goodness
she is back to herself
best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Excellent work on this one girlie
it was creative and witty
and was ever happy to see it
end happy... thank goodness
she is back to herself
best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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thx again Tammy!
Comment from Julie G
This kind of madness is over-the-top and this poem vividly reflects the horror you experienced. You certainly mince no words here and hold nothing back! Happy it resolved itself in a positive way.
There is one question I would like to ask, if you don't mind. Why did you center post this powerful, deeply horrifying writing? Centering is for greeting cards, pretty scenes in nature and some children's poetry... if done correctly.
The lines in a poem, any poem should command attention! How they are broken, either by punctuation or use of linebreaks, determines how the poem is read. "Every line must earn its keep" in a poem. All centering does is become a distraction to the ebb and flow of your poem. In other words, you delete its power with the constant interruption. I have tried and tried to get FS poets to see that even the placement of the poem on the page is vital to its success. I don't mean the choice of pictures, etc. That adds zero to the poem. The poem must stand on its own. Every word you put on the page should be put under a bright light, studied and deemed worthy of your poem. Centering does not take care of that or make the poem better. Here is you poem not centered and a few small changes in linebreaks. Just for your consideration and thought for the future of poetry in your life.
She screams obscene dreams,
drools, blinking,
fools us into thinking
she's compliant
then spews blood and half masticated pills
across my white dress ...
like fluid red pearls
swirling in milk coffee
stirred by filigreed gold spoons,
a delicate reminder
she was not always this creature
whose fragile skull bones
shine through hollow eyes
where I see maggots poised
howling, twisting, growling,
wanting to feed.
Not yet.
Red pearls curling
in oceans down her nightgown
crowning glory, yellowing teeth
gold fillings gleaming
scheming to bite,
gashing her once lovely mouth
this ... creature
plucks the air, worrying the sheets
tearing her hair
body reeks of blood in seas
fished out years ago ...
But flood won't stop
soaks white sheets
with shocking scarlet flowers ...
Red pearls
White bone
Let me go home!
Wailing, keening, flailing,
finally captured
wrestled down,
black bats flying
pinging in her head
sucking red, feeding
fermented seeds of madness,
magic silver needle
bringing peace should be gold -
she loves gold
loves cold,
Kiss the abyss
in black sweet seeded silence
shipwrecked she sleeps.
For now, the creature is dormant.
I am your Mother, your blood, child.
Love me, cover me in roses.
May you, pray you not inherit
my necklace of crazed
red pearls.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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This kind of madness is over-the-top and this poem vividly reflects the horror you experienced. You certainly mince no words here and hold nothing back! Happy it resolved itself in a positive way.
There is one question I would like to ask, if you don't mind. Why did you center post this powerful, deeply horrifying writing? Centering is for greeting cards, pretty scenes in nature and some children's poetry... if done correctly.
The lines in a poem, any poem should command attention! How they are broken, either by punctuation or use of linebreaks, determines how the poem is read. "Every line must earn its keep" in a poem. All centering does is become a distraction to the ebb and flow of your poem. In other words, you delete its power with the constant interruption. I have tried and tried to get FS poets to see that even the placement of the poem on the page is vital to its success. I don't mean the choice of pictures, etc. That adds zero to the poem. The poem must stand on its own. Every word you put on the page should be put under a bright light, studied and deemed worthy of your poem. Centering does not take care of that or make the poem better. Here is you poem not centered and a few small changes in linebreaks. Just for your consideration and thought for the future of poetry in your life.
She screams obscene dreams,
drools, blinking,
fools us into thinking
she's compliant
then spews blood and half masticated pills
across my white dress ...
like fluid red pearls
swirling in milk coffee
stirred by filigreed gold spoons,
a delicate reminder
she was not always this creature
whose fragile skull bones
shine through hollow eyes
where I see maggots poised
howling, twisting, growling,
wanting to feed.
Not yet.
Red pearls curling
in oceans down her nightgown
crowning glory, yellowing teeth
gold fillings gleaming
scheming to bite,
gashing her once lovely mouth
this ... creature
plucks the air, worrying the sheets
tearing her hair
body reeks of blood in seas
fished out years ago ...
But flood won't stop
soaks white sheets
with shocking scarlet flowers ...
Red pearls
White bone
Let me go home!
Wailing, keening, flailing,
finally captured
wrestled down,
black bats flying
pinging in her head
sucking red, feeding
fermented seeds of madness,
magic silver needle
bringing peace should be gold -
she loves gold
loves cold,
Kiss the abyss
in black sweet seeded silence
shipwrecked she sleeps.
For now, the creature is dormant.
I am your Mother, your blood, child.
Love me, cover me in roses.
May you, pray you not inherit
my necklace of crazed
red pearls.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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"Aloha" Julie - I'd originally done it non-centered, but noticed that FS authors all seem to center their poems. For me, they seem to read ok - but I think FS likes the whole "picture" (including the art work) aspect of poetry. Me? I'm easy either way. But thank you for your input and if it makes the piece "read" better I'm more than happy to make those changes, because the poem IS written as a continuous thought. Thanks so much for sucha carefully considered, good quality review! I really appreciate your taking that time! Best wishes and warmest "mahalo" - Sharyn
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Sigh. I guess they do. It's okay. I have been yapping about it for so long, I am even sick of hearing me. I usually don't say anything anymore, but your strong, really awful gut-wrenching images just did not feel greeting-card-like, if you get my meaning. I love greeting cards, so don't mean to disparage that kind of poetry, but well, sometimes, we have to reign in this kind of gimmicky stuff and get to the nitty-gritty of the poem, don't ya think? Now, what does "mahalo" mean? If it is good...back at ya! jg
Comment from jimdickens
I like this poem but it disturbs me. I think that was intentional on your part and I agree with it. The magic is that I think the structure and rhythm of the poem contribute to making me disturbed.
In other words -- great job
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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I like this poem but it disturbs me. I think that was intentional on your part and I agree with it. The magic is that I think the structure and rhythm of the poem contribute to making me disturbed.
In other words -- great job
Comment Written 02-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Yes Jim - it was ABSOLUTELY meant to be disturbing - so, thank you for being disturbed my dear - you "got" it!