The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Breakfast Communications"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
5 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
He sat on a typically padded office chair - I'm not sure why you need "typically"
Seated behind a large desk, he did not - add comma
excellent description of setting
and of characters
Good use of natural-sounding dialogue
Why Jesus only inserted a few leaves we don't know, - I would use a period there
while I have not followed your story, I can tell from this chapter alone that you have an intriguing plot. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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He sat on a typically padded office chair - I'm not sure why you need "typically"
Seated behind a large desk, he did not - add comma
excellent description of setting
and of characters
Good use of natural-sounding dialogue
Why Jesus only inserted a few leaves we don't know, - I would use a period there
while I have not followed your story, I can tell from this chapter alone that you have an intriguing plot. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your comment and kind advice.
Comment from LucyB
Good stuff! The story is moving all g well. Check the need for commas. The last paragraph, second sentence needs some between adjectives and you need quotes before "I am a colonel. And in the background, I think a ; instead of a comma is needed as well as a space. Please don't be upset with me! Your story is really good and I don't want others to rate you low because of some tiny things you can so easily fix. It's easier to do it know than when you have tons of chapters. Keep up the great work! You're on a roll!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Good stuff! The story is moving all g well. Check the need for commas. The last paragraph, second sentence needs some between adjectives and you need quotes before "I am a colonel. And in the background, I think a ; instead of a comma is needed as well as a space. Please don't be upset with me! Your story is really good and I don't want others to rate you low because of some tiny things you can so easily fix. It's easier to do it know than when you have tons of chapters. Keep up the great work! You're on a roll!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your comment and helpful advice. Hey, I wont get upset with you! I need to get better...
Comment from TammyGail
and yet another great read.. well written and expressed
well enjoyed like the last read.. great work on your closing
once again ..and thanks for sharing it was a pleasure
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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and yet another great read.. well written and expressed
well enjoyed like the last read.. great work on your closing
once again ..and thanks for sharing it was a pleasure
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your great comment and continuing support.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
I have discovered that each chapter of this book contain a thrilling different story told in a unique way to makes it look and sound like a full story on itself. I like this style of writing.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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I have discovered that each chapter of this book contain a thrilling different story told in a unique way to makes it look and sound like a full story on itself. I like this style of writing.
ola thomas
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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thanks for your great words. You are very kind!
Comment from bowls
Aha! Now here's a real complication arising! Perhaps things will not go all that smoothly. There's another element demanding the box. I like your portrait of the Colonel. He seems like a very strong character who will get things done his way. You establish quite a contrast between him and the whimsical Sean. I'm certain there will be a clash of wills at some point.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Aha! Now here's a real complication arising! Perhaps things will not go all that smoothly. There's another element demanding the box. I like your portrait of the Colonel. He seems like a very strong character who will get things done his way. You establish quite a contrast between him and the whimsical Sean. I'm certain there will be a clash of wills at some point.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your great comments, I look forward to them!