Comment from WLHall

Good

Exciting and intriguing storyline. I know I've said it before, but you need more dialogue to make the story really jump out and show your reader what's going on instead of just telling. Keep practicing!
Wanda

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012

Thanks for your kind reading and comment. I know that when I revise each chapter I will need more show than tell....your advice confirms what is becoming apparent, so thanks. I know I will get better.

Comment from bowls

Excellent

Nicely done! You emphasize the serious nature of this encounter not by saying it's dangerous in so many words, but by showing the reader how well equipped Sean is. I believe it's always better for the reader to be shown something so he can draw conclusions rather than for him simply to be told point blank. It gets the reader much more involved. Nicely drawn parallels with the setting then and now. Nice contrast, too when you come to the differences:the number present and the purpose. Perhaps this gets the reader wondering if the outcome, too will be different. You leave this post on a good, strong note: who will the fourth be? Someone they expect? An intruder? (Always leave them guessing!)

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012

Thanks for your words and support. I really value your thoughts.

Comment from Sloegin

Good

All you did was TELL about the weapons. There is no conflict, no tension. 3rd paragraph could be, "Sean pushed the pistol into his shoulder holster."
"Some kidnappers in their graves in Somalia could testify of his awesome ability." The dead can't testify. They were testimony to his aim.
"stare at the pistol jaw dropping" reads like pistol dropped its jaw.
Avoid using: was ____ing. :like, "was sitting" change to "sat"
The only dialogue in the entire chapter is a description on a SIG Sauer.
You have a story to tell but you get lost in describing things that speak for themselves.
Sloegin

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012

Thank you for your patience with my writing, I appreciate your advice and the criticism is valuable and appreciated.

Comment from ScarletClearwater

Excellent

Good job with this piece. Seems you know a little about combat or artillery. Nice use of descriptions to create imagery. This was a nice read.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012

Thanks for your great comment. I appreciate your words.

Comment from mshirachot

Excellent

Excellent read! You really have done your homework on the weaponry. I really do need to go back and start this book at the beginning...time permitting...a lot on my plate right now.

Thanks for sharing this. I am still intrigued by the story!
Blessings and shalom!
Marsha

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2012

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012

Thanks for your kind words. I do hope that you will read my story from the start one day.