The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Queen's Diamond Jubilee"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
3 total reviews
Comment from bowls
I do like the way you've taken the readers with the little group from home to their destination rather than just simply stating they got there. I do wonder, though, if "company accompanying" might be a bit of a tongue twister. Nice detail mentioning the parallel flights. It gives the reader a chance to recall the mood of the first flight and to see the comparison for themselves. Good touch of humour in the Sean/James exchange. Further proof that for the most part they are in good spirits. I like that Joseph is shown to be a well rounded character, able to lie when called upon to do so. This makes him much more believable as a character. Probably Coke, being a brand name, should be capitalized.How typical of James to comment as he does. (He reminds me of my own son - a computer enthusiast. Very nice little tour of Tel Aviv to add a touch of local colour and lend an air of authenticity to the novel. A few ominous touches at the end of the chapter increase suspense. Will something happen to Joseph? Will the meeting take place as planned? I'll read on. (I felt this was an excellent post.)
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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I do like the way you've taken the readers with the little group from home to their destination rather than just simply stating they got there. I do wonder, though, if "company accompanying" might be a bit of a tongue twister. Nice detail mentioning the parallel flights. It gives the reader a chance to recall the mood of the first flight and to see the comparison for themselves. Good touch of humour in the Sean/James exchange. Further proof that for the most part they are in good spirits. I like that Joseph is shown to be a well rounded character, able to lie when called upon to do so. This makes him much more believable as a character. Probably Coke, being a brand name, should be capitalized.How typical of James to comment as he does. (He reminds me of my own son - a computer enthusiast. Very nice little tour of Tel Aviv to add a touch of local colour and lend an air of authenticity to the novel. A few ominous touches at the end of the chapter increase suspense. Will something happen to Joseph? Will the meeting take place as planned? I'll read on. (I felt this was an excellent post.)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your lovely comment and thoughful words.
Comment from ScarletClearwater
This piece made more sense to me, but it lacked emphasis and intrigue. I liked the overall descriptions, they were good here, but I wanted more to happen. Some action or dialogue would be good.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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This piece made more sense to me, but it lacked emphasis and intrigue. I liked the overall descriptions, they were good here, but I wanted more to happen. Some action or dialogue would be good.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Oh dear, not my best chapter. I posted it before I was ready.
Comment from PaddyO
An intriguing little piece, it stirs the interest enough to weant to find out more about what exactly is happenning.
A lot of very short sentences almost written in bullet points at times and some of the characters are a bit confusing.
I belive reading more will lift the confusion and I certainly would be interested in following up on this story
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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An intriguing little piece, it stirs the interest enough to weant to find out more about what exactly is happenning.
A lot of very short sentences almost written in bullet points at times and some of the characters are a bit confusing.
I belive reading more will lift the confusion and I certainly would be interested in following up on this story
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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I think I posted it too quickly...thanks for your input