The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "A villain in the midst"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
5 total reviews
Comment from wordspinner314
First, congratulations on completing your first novel! Seeing as this is a chapter in it, I think it's going to be a great book that will hold readers' interests. It flows well and the dialogue is smooth. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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First, congratulations on completing your first novel! Seeing as this is a chapter in it, I think it's going to be a great book that will hold readers' interests. It flows well and the dialogue is smooth. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Hi,
Thank you very much for reading and taking time to review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from bowls
I see you're working on advancing several things here and I'm sure somehow they'll all come together when the time is right. Sean's story is advancing - not just the love story but also the practical aspect. Obviously he'll need access to his special friends to help in the adventure to come. James' story is taking another step forward. I'm starting to get a wee bit suspicious about Aly. I wonder if she has ulterior motives for being there. You also paint a picture of pure domestic bliss for your narrator. I'm sure that's been presented so that it'll be a backdrop for some terrible business to come. All in all, I think you're laying some very good foundation work here. My only thought is, why isn't he more preoccupied with the upcoming family meeting? You'd think it would constantly be on his mind.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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I see you're working on advancing several things here and I'm sure somehow they'll all come together when the time is right. Sean's story is advancing - not just the love story but also the practical aspect. Obviously he'll need access to his special friends to help in the adventure to come. James' story is taking another step forward. I'm starting to get a wee bit suspicious about Aly. I wonder if she has ulterior motives for being there. You also paint a picture of pure domestic bliss for your narrator. I'm sure that's been presented so that it'll be a backdrop for some terrible business to come. All in all, I think you're laying some very good foundation work here. My only thought is, why isn't he more preoccupied with the upcoming family meeting? You'd think it would constantly be on his mind.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Thank you very much for your review, which encourages me!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
oak,others (comma needs a space after it)
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus (women should be capitalized)
A couple of spags. Otherwise well written, could use a bit more action thought to keep the readers attention. DEbbie
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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oak,others (comma needs a space after it)
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus (women should be capitalized)
A couple of spags. Otherwise well written, could use a bit more action thought to keep the readers attention. DEbbie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your comments and advice.
Comment from mjordahl
I have to admit that this is not my usual reading preference.I like to be drawn in from the start.I really liked the classic line about men not knowing women. Pig in the mud metaphor I liked as well.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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I have to admit that this is not my usual reading preference.I like to be drawn in from the start.I really liked the classic line about men not knowing women. Pig in the mud metaphor I liked as well.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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thanks for taking the time to read my chapter.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Show me the men carrying something out of the kitchen. It's just one detail you can add that makes the biggest impression and adds tremendously to this potentially fine story. The narrative is choppy, largely because you are moving far too fast. Slow down and show me what's happening. Cheers. Ray.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2012
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Show me the men carrying something out of the kitchen. It's just one detail you can add that makes the biggest impression and adds tremendously to this potentially fine story. The narrative is choppy, largely because you are moving far too fast. Slow down and show me what's happening. Cheers. Ray.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your comment and advice. I appreciate all the help I can get!