The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "An Unexpected Visitor "A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
2 total reviews
Comment from bowls
Ah, a revelation and a further complication - very nice. You certainly aren't going to let your readers fall asleep from boredom. I do like that image of the dark claws. It's mysterious and smacks of evil without giving anything away.Then your suggestion that the ox has some connection with good and evil leads to all sorts of reader speculation, although we are nicely left in the dark, as we should be at this point. I'll read on.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Ah, a revelation and a further complication - very nice. You certainly aren't going to let your readers fall asleep from boredom. I do like that image of the dark claws. It's mysterious and smacks of evil without giving anything away.Then your suggestion that the ox has some connection with good and evil leads to all sorts of reader speculation, although we are nicely left in the dark, as we should be at this point. I'll read on.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your comments and kind words...I am glad you are reading still!
Comment from LancsLass
Hi, I've read to here now and I thought it was all too good to be true :) So, we are off on another trip to Israel, I think.
Other than suggesting this chapter begins with 'Joseph's' rather than 'His', my comment for each chapter is the same: they could be shortened by cutting any detail that doesn't move the story along--quite a lot of it. But the story is good and I want to know more.
It helps me to edit by thinking of the storyline as a main road from here to there. My first drafts meander off down a lot of B roads, take a lot of detours and offer scenic pull offs. I need to stay on the main road. Anything that takes me off it --away from the story-- needs cutting. I am more detached and cutting doesn't hurt as much when I think this way.
If that's helpful, great, if I've just confirmed that I'm slightly mad, well... LOL
Onward and upward :) Anna
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hi, I've read to here now and I thought it was all too good to be true :) So, we are off on another trip to Israel, I think.
Other than suggesting this chapter begins with 'Joseph's' rather than 'His', my comment for each chapter is the same: they could be shortened by cutting any detail that doesn't move the story along--quite a lot of it. But the story is good and I want to know more.
It helps me to edit by thinking of the storyline as a main road from here to there. My first drafts meander off down a lot of B roads, take a lot of detours and offer scenic pull offs. I need to stay on the main road. Anything that takes me off it --away from the story-- needs cutting. I am more detached and cutting doesn't hurt as much when I think this way.
If that's helpful, great, if I've just confirmed that I'm slightly mad, well... LOL
Onward and upward :) Anna
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hi Anna, thanks for your comments and kind advice, once again. You are saying exactly what my publisher friend has said.