The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "John heads to London"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
4 total reviews
Comment from WLHall
I am new to reading this book, so I don't the background to it. It sounds like the little boy is sick with cancer. The read was more like a run-down of list of people who were attending than a party atmosphere. You needed dialogue to "show" instead of telling more. I can tell this could be a potentially good book with the cast of characters you have painted. Good job at that.
Wanda
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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I am new to reading this book, so I don't the background to it. It sounds like the little boy is sick with cancer. The read was more like a run-down of list of people who were attending than a party atmosphere. You needed dialogue to "show" instead of telling more. I can tell this could be a potentially good book with the cast of characters you have painted. Good job at that.
Wanda
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your review and very helpful words. This is my first novel, so my writing needs lots of help.
Comment from bowls
This is an interesting run down of the guests in attendance. You do a nice job of characterizing the various groups - such as James' collection of socially awkward chums. I like the growing emphasis on Sean and Rachel, too. Perhaps that is going to figure in later. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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This is an interesting run down of the guests in attendance. You do a nice job of characterizing the various groups - such as James' collection of socially awkward chums. I like the growing emphasis on Sean and Rachel, too. Perhaps that is going to figure in later. Nicely done.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind words. You are right that Sean and Rachel feature heavily later on.
Comment from hww09002
Great writing! I enjoyed the excerpt:
Rachel Wright was from Bristol and worked for Save the Children. She had been rescued by Sean from Somali kidnappers while she worked on the Kenyan border. Noticeable were the doleful love-struck eyes when she was in Sean's presence. She must have witnessed a darker side to Sean while they were in Somalia, but she never showed it. Maybe she was so used to seeing death that seeing Sean in action had not fazed her.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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Great writing! I enjoyed the excerpt:
Rachel Wright was from Bristol and worked for Save the Children. She had been rescued by Sean from Somali kidnappers while she worked on the Kenyan border. Noticeable were the doleful love-struck eyes when she was in Sean's presence. She must have witnessed a darker side to Sean while they were in Somalia, but she never showed it. Maybe she was so used to seeing death that seeing Sean in action had not fazed her.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your kind words and encouragement.
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Try to avoid phrases like "on Cloud 9" and "eyes popped out of his skull", they are overused and boring. Also, try to infuse some action or dialogue into the story to keep the flow going. other than those suggestions, I think you have a good thing going here.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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Try to avoid phrases like "on Cloud 9" and "eyes popped out of his skull", they are overused and boring. Also, try to infuse some action or dialogue into the story to keep the flow going. other than those suggestions, I think you have a good thing going here.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012
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Thanks for your review and helpful words.
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Anytime I can help.