The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Liz & Becky At GOSH"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
5 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Very good vivid descriptions. You do a good job painting the scenes for the reader. I would check the spacing between paragraphs.
note:
"When he's settled into the hotel and has news[,]" she said, "...let's hope he gets back soon."
- add
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Very good vivid descriptions. You do a good job painting the scenes for the reader. I would check the spacing between paragraphs.
note:
"When he's settled into the hotel and has news[,]" she said, "...let's hope he gets back soon."
- add
Comment Written 19-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Hi,
Thanks for your comments. The software I am using seems to screw up with indents and even some paragraphs, when I post them here. Thanks so much for your advice. I will look at that now.
peter
Comment from LancsLass
Good description of the city of Tel Aviv. Good pace to this section, too, it moves right along.
Two tiny things:
'bank of Syria' Bank
'Simeon returned with a wooden box, wrapped in a white cloth, under his arm.'
How would he know it was wooden if it was wrapped up?
Really am wondering what is coming next, Anna
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Good description of the city of Tel Aviv. Good pace to this section, too, it moves right along.
Two tiny things:
'bank of Syria' Bank
'Simeon returned with a wooden box, wrapped in a white cloth, under his arm.'
How would he know it was wooden if it was wrapped up?
Really am wondering what is coming next, Anna
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Thanks again for your accurate and helpful advice.
Comment from bowls
Another step forward in the plot and yet more suspense created. The location of the bank, the need to hurry and not attract attention all have the reader wondering what is to come. Nice touches! I also enjoyed your commentary on the taxi driver's appearance. Another good one!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Another step forward in the plot and yet more suspense created. The location of the bank, the need to hurry and not attract attention all have the reader wondering what is to come. Nice touches! I also enjoyed your commentary on the taxi driver's appearance. Another good one!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you sooooo much for your comment and kind words
Comment from mk
ah. the good reading continues..I like the story, and the end part about the driving is funny. this is one I will follow, as it flows nicely..thanks
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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ah. the good reading continues..I like the story, and the end part about the driving is funny. this is one I will follow, as it flows nicely..thanks
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from purrfect tale
Excellent detail in your description of this country and life there. I keep telling myself you must have been there yourself to be able to bring it so alive.
to see the magical box(,) I agreed.
After a hectic twenty minute(s) journey through busy streets(,) - minutes should be singular because it is one trip
Through the bars I watched Simeon approach an official behind a desk, (fill) in some forms and show his passport. - even though you are writing in passed tense, this section is telling what he saw as he saw it
So far(,) it was as easy as ABC.
Outside the bank we hailed a taxi(,) and asked for the hotel. - no comma needed here, again, that last clause would not be a complete sentence on its own.
I was glad that the taxi-driver understood the road signals(,) - in this case, both clauses on either side of 'as' could be complete sentences on their own.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Excellent detail in your description of this country and life there. I keep telling myself you must have been there yourself to be able to bring it so alive.
to see the magical box(,) I agreed.
After a hectic twenty minute(s) journey through busy streets(,) - minutes should be singular because it is one trip
Through the bars I watched Simeon approach an official behind a desk, (fill) in some forms and show his passport. - even though you are writing in passed tense, this section is telling what he saw as he saw it
So far(,) it was as easy as ABC.
Outside the bank we hailed a taxi(,) and asked for the hotel. - no comma needed here, again, that last clause would not be a complete sentence on its own.
I was glad that the taxi-driver understood the road signals(,) - in this case, both clauses on either side of 'as' could be complete sentences on their own.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2012
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Thanks again for your comments and help.