Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Gima Finale: The Valley Takes Sides"fantasy adventure
20 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I know I missed several chapters, but this is a great ending. You have put so much of your time and creativity into this. What an accomplishment!!!
My one suggestion would be to cut down a bit on the vocabulary next time. My lame brain had trouble remembering it all. I am so proud of you!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
  |
I know I missed several chapters, but this is a great ending. You have put so much of your time and creativity into this. What an accomplishment!!!
My one suggestion would be to cut down a bit on the vocabulary next time. My lame brain had trouble remembering it all. I am so proud of you!!! Debbie
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
-
Thank you, Debbie for your review and lovely six. LOL I guess you missed a lot of the vocabulary. And having to post over a period of month instead of reading a book as it should be read makes the vocab fly out the ears. LOL I'll be organizing the Author Notes and making a glossery for this and the sequel. Yes, there is more. LOL I've read that you need more than one book out there in order to sell anything. So, it's a quagmire and I'm into it now. I've been editing. I'm on page eight. LOL That's a laugh. It's like a drive from the east coast to the west coast and I'm still at Myrtle Beach.
Comment from strandregs
what a powerful ending , coal eyes sparkle, the ceiling collapses , is that mountain eyes?
Lots of action captures and rivets the male reader, nice descriptions of nature and actors.Z.
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
 |
what a powerful ending , coal eyes sparkle, the ceiling collapses , is that mountain eyes?
Lots of action captures and rivets the male reader, nice descriptions of nature and actors.Z.
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
-
Thank you, Z. I'm so happy that you liked the action and it wasn't too girlie for you. Lots of twinkle in the mountain's dark eyes.:) e
-
I will go to sleep thinking of dangling eyeballs.
Comment from Tina55
Jacknel disappears from his front row seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen(,) who's decided that it's time to hurry back to the cabin and do as he's been told--stand guard.
Thunder and lightning clear their throats in the distance.
(Very creative line!)
The priceless relic, stolen during Trell's escape from Sadie(')s, lay(s) on the floor.
Jacknel is a great bad guy. You really set him up for the reader to hate. Superb!
Blathen's attack on Jacknel is gruesome. :-)
Blood, hail, tornadoes, sabers, claw, teeth...you've used every possible weapon at their disposal!
What a fantastic ending to your tale!! I love it. You had me biting my proverbial nails right up to the last dot!!
I'm so glad that I saved my sixer for your last chapter!
Bravo!! Take a bow, o' brilliant one!!
Lots of love,
Tina
xxoo
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
|
Jacknel disappears from his front row seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen(,) who's decided that it's time to hurry back to the cabin and do as he's been told--stand guard.
Thunder and lightning clear their throats in the distance.
(Very creative line!)
The priceless relic, stolen during Trell's escape from Sadie(')s, lay(s) on the floor.
Jacknel is a great bad guy. You really set him up for the reader to hate. Superb!
Blathen's attack on Jacknel is gruesome. :-)
Blood, hail, tornadoes, sabers, claw, teeth...you've used every possible weapon at their disposal!
What a fantastic ending to your tale!! I love it. You had me biting my proverbial nails right up to the last dot!!
I'm so glad that I saved my sixer for your last chapter!
Bravo!! Take a bow, o' brilliant one!!
Lots of love,
Tina
xxoo
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
-
LOL I did kind of open the closet on weapons. LOL Wanted Jacknel to suffer. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for the six and all of the encouragement. Allen's been down with something and I'm tired. Hope it's not coming to get me next. I hate flu. Hope you all are well. What's up with school coming to a close soon? Lake, fishing/ or mountains camping BOTH? :) e
Comment from Earl of Oxford
FIRSTLY, I REALLY LIKE THE PRESENT TENSE WHICH MAKES THE READ MORE VISUAL AND REAL
Jacknel disappears from his front row seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen who's decided that it's time to hurry back to the cabin and do as he's been told--stand guard [SUGGEST 'TO STAND GUARD'].
Jacknel bursts into the cabin, slamming Blathen (SUGGEST 'AND SLAMS' WHICH IS THE CURRENT VOGUE OF 'ACTIVE WRITING RATHER THAN THE LESS DRAMATIC 'PASSIVE' WRITING OF WORDS ENDING IN 'ING']behind the door. Thunder and lightning clear their throats in the distance [THIS IS EXCELLENT PERSONIFICATION OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, BUT THE TERM COULD BE READ AS THE REACTION OF 'CLEARED THROATS' ON THE SUBJECTS].
"Blathen." Gima reaches for her son. Unable to reach [REPETITION OF 'REACH/REACHES'] him, she huddles motionless over Zee on the floor. Jacknel? She can barely believe who she sees.
Jacknel growls, "So ... mutant sow, you're alive."
His spasmodic lid twitches. Then in one swift move forward, he grabs her hair. "Gotcha, sweetness. My 'boys' have missed you."
Gima drops Zee, landing him on the nearby pelts.
Jacknel jerks her up and presses his merry members [IS THAT REFERING TO HIS GENITALS?] close. Gima gasps. The tendons in her neck strain outward, close to breaking. Then she grabs hold of his arm, relaxing his upward pull. Putrid breath puffs in [? 'ENGULFS' RATHER THAN 'PUFFS IN'] her face; he snaps his dental nightmare and cajoles, "You're mine. You've always been mine."
Needless to say not enjoying being squashed and ignored [THIS SEEMS RATHER FLIPPAND CONCIDERING THE DRAMA THAT'S TAKING PLACE], Blathen gets to his feet and jumps side to side, teeth barred, snarling to fight. Jacknel, nonchalantly, kicks him aside [SUGGEST DELETING BOTH COMMAS IN THIS SENTENSE]. "Your little turd[MAYBE 'PATHETIC ACCOMPLICE' INSTEAD] amuses me." Blathen flies, crashing against the cabin wall, stunned. His eye blurs[,] and ['HIS]head whooshes white noise.
"Ah," Jacknel wheezes and picks up Zee, "and what do we have here?"
Gima struggles, screaming. "No, not him."
Aroused by her fear, Jacknel continues. "Now, I know how to make you scream." He holds Zee upside down and shakes him like a bag of gold critons [WHAT'S A 'CRITON'?]. Zee yowls, long shrill tones. "Quite the squealer--this little white mouse. Human perhaps?" Jacknel's bulbous tongue slurps back his increasing drool, and his collectors circle, savoring Zee, the human morsel. One ['OF THEM'] wraps around his neck. The other across his eyes.
Gima pleads, "Stop, no." Still in Jacknel's grasp, she reaches, grabbing at ['GASPING FOR']air.
"You want this?" Jacknel pinches, piercing pearly white skin. Zee cries louder, rousing Blathen.
Blathen wobbles ['STRUGGLES'] to his feet, wipes blood from his eye and takes a deep breath.
Jacknel, seeing ['SEES' FOR 'ACTIVE' STYLE] the rare red vermel, [DELETE COMMA 'AND'] drops Zee and reaches for a new treasure. "Or maybe you want this one?"
AS I'VE SAID BEFORE, I FIND IT EXTREMELY DIFFIUCULT TO CONCENTRATE ON PROSE, AND I HOPE I'VE GIVEN YOU SOME IDEAS. THE STORY IS SURE ACTION-PACKED AND ORIGINAL TO ME, WITHOUT HAVING READ PREVIOUS CHAPTERS, BUT I SURE DON'T WISH TO CARRY ON APPARENTLY NIT-PICKING. I'S HONESTLY NOT, AND MY OPINIONS SHOULD PERHAPS BE DISGARDED AS I KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT PROSE. YOU SURE HAVE A VIVID AND ORIGINAL IMAGINATION, AND YOURE ACTION SCENE IS VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT. I HPPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M BEING LAZY IN MY REVIEW, ESPECIALLY AS YOU'VE HELPED ME SO MUCH ON MY KIDS BOOK, BUT THAT'S ABOUT MY LIMIT OF CONCENTRATION...HOWEVER GOOD A POST IS.
BEST WISHES, EARL X
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
|
FIRSTLY, I REALLY LIKE THE PRESENT TENSE WHICH MAKES THE READ MORE VISUAL AND REAL
Jacknel disappears from his front row seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen who's decided that it's time to hurry back to the cabin and do as he's been told--stand guard [SUGGEST 'TO STAND GUARD'].
Jacknel bursts into the cabin, slamming Blathen (SUGGEST 'AND SLAMS' WHICH IS THE CURRENT VOGUE OF 'ACTIVE WRITING RATHER THAN THE LESS DRAMATIC 'PASSIVE' WRITING OF WORDS ENDING IN 'ING']behind the door. Thunder and lightning clear their throats in the distance [THIS IS EXCELLENT PERSONIFICATION OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, BUT THE TERM COULD BE READ AS THE REACTION OF 'CLEARED THROATS' ON THE SUBJECTS].
"Blathen." Gima reaches for her son. Unable to reach [REPETITION OF 'REACH/REACHES'] him, she huddles motionless over Zee on the floor. Jacknel? She can barely believe who she sees.
Jacknel growls, "So ... mutant sow, you're alive."
His spasmodic lid twitches. Then in one swift move forward, he grabs her hair. "Gotcha, sweetness. My 'boys' have missed you."
Gima drops Zee, landing him on the nearby pelts.
Jacknel jerks her up and presses his merry members [IS THAT REFERING TO HIS GENITALS?] close. Gima gasps. The tendons in her neck strain outward, close to breaking. Then she grabs hold of his arm, relaxing his upward pull. Putrid breath puffs in [? 'ENGULFS' RATHER THAN 'PUFFS IN'] her face; he snaps his dental nightmare and cajoles, "You're mine. You've always been mine."
Needless to say not enjoying being squashed and ignored [THIS SEEMS RATHER FLIPPAND CONCIDERING THE DRAMA THAT'S TAKING PLACE], Blathen gets to his feet and jumps side to side, teeth barred, snarling to fight. Jacknel, nonchalantly, kicks him aside [SUGGEST DELETING BOTH COMMAS IN THIS SENTENSE]. "Your little turd[MAYBE 'PATHETIC ACCOMPLICE' INSTEAD] amuses me." Blathen flies, crashing against the cabin wall, stunned. His eye blurs[,] and ['HIS]head whooshes white noise.
"Ah," Jacknel wheezes and picks up Zee, "and what do we have here?"
Gima struggles, screaming. "No, not him."
Aroused by her fear, Jacknel continues. "Now, I know how to make you scream." He holds Zee upside down and shakes him like a bag of gold critons [WHAT'S A 'CRITON'?]. Zee yowls, long shrill tones. "Quite the squealer--this little white mouse. Human perhaps?" Jacknel's bulbous tongue slurps back his increasing drool, and his collectors circle, savoring Zee, the human morsel. One ['OF THEM'] wraps around his neck. The other across his eyes.
Gima pleads, "Stop, no." Still in Jacknel's grasp, she reaches, grabbing at ['GASPING FOR']air.
"You want this?" Jacknel pinches, piercing pearly white skin. Zee cries louder, rousing Blathen.
Blathen wobbles ['STRUGGLES'] to his feet, wipes blood from his eye and takes a deep breath.
Jacknel, seeing ['SEES' FOR 'ACTIVE' STYLE] the rare red vermel, [DELETE COMMA 'AND'] drops Zee and reaches for a new treasure. "Or maybe you want this one?"
AS I'VE SAID BEFORE, I FIND IT EXTREMELY DIFFIUCULT TO CONCENTRATE ON PROSE, AND I HOPE I'VE GIVEN YOU SOME IDEAS. THE STORY IS SURE ACTION-PACKED AND ORIGINAL TO ME, WITHOUT HAVING READ PREVIOUS CHAPTERS, BUT I SURE DON'T WISH TO CARRY ON APPARENTLY NIT-PICKING. I'S HONESTLY NOT, AND MY OPINIONS SHOULD PERHAPS BE DISGARDED AS I KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT PROSE. YOU SURE HAVE A VIVID AND ORIGINAL IMAGINATION, AND YOURE ACTION SCENE IS VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT. I HPPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M BEING LAZY IN MY REVIEW, ESPECIALLY AS YOU'VE HELPED ME SO MUCH ON MY KIDS BOOK, BUT THAT'S ABOUT MY LIMIT OF CONCENTRATION...HOWEVER GOOD A POST IS.
BEST WISHES, EARL X
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
-
I don't think you are lazy at all, Earl. And it's fine that you did as much as you have. I keep forgetting and miss those passive things so thank you. I'm going through the entire novel now trying to wipe them out. I will certainly take everything you have said to heart and make the appropriate changes. I appreciate your help. Critons are gold coins, vermel money. Merry members is reference to the double dangles(penises) of vermel. Jacknel would say turd as they are a vile sort and Blathen is a vermel offspring of a Vertant. The nonchalant attitude of being slammed behind the door would be Blathen's I need to make that clearer. He is a Vermel. Gima looks human but can bear Vermel in her litters.
So, I guess you hate to review prose. Sorry. But maybe once in a while you can drop by. I'll be writing more poetry, too. :) e
-
Whew - that's a relief, Ellen. I was worried I hadn't said enough and what I had said may sound over-critical. Your explanations clear a lot up.
It seems you have loads of characters - maybe too many for a reader to remember on here (despite extensive notes to explain - I bet not many bother to read them all), and your double-penis idea and aliens giving birth to humans are fun and imaginative.
I'll drop by now and again for sure. xx
-
Last chapter, Earl, of course there are a lot of characters. LOL
Aliens didn't give birth to humans, these were genetic mutations of humans. I have been thanked numerous times for the notes. People do read them without any bother. Bifricated penises are found in snails and marsupials so I took it a step further. LOL
Thank you again.
-
I want to come back as a snail in my next life...so long as I meet lots of sexy lady snails. ;-) x
-
Maybe just mention names of those involved in each chapter, as otherwise I think it's confusing to keep having to scroll down and check out an involved individual amonst a list of irrelevant ones for the chapter being readf. Just my opinion - I have been known to be wrong. I remember once in particular when I SAID I was 'wrong'. LOL x
-
That's OK. It's over now anyway. I added to the end as the characters developed. Also had words specific to Bellow City. You're the first to complain. Before I had it I had many complaining about who was who. Once I added the NOTES, they thanked me. If they didn't like it then they didn't need it anyway. Many people read over info that they don't want to look up anyway. Creating a new world took a reference sheet. Like a map. I'll continue to do this if I write a sequel. It would be something added to the back of the book and not following each chapter. That wasn't possible here. As words and characters repeated from chapter to chapter it would be too difficult to pull each chapter apart for characters and vocabulary. So it's all in one cumulative section that grew as the story grew. I know it looks a challenge to read if you start at the last chapter. It would make anyone's head spin. It's a glossary for an over sixty-five thousand word story. Considering that, it's helpful. It wasn't meant to catch anyone up on the story. It's merely a glossary.
-
One of these days I'll win a debate with a female...on 2nd thoghts...LOL
Seriously, I understand what you're saying. x
-
I'm working on rewriting now. Terrible shit. Not fun. Then to the editor. I'm so new at all this. I feel like a pre-schooler. Good night. I'm dozing off at the keys.
-
Good luck with ut, Ellen. That's the boring bit. The fun bit is of course posting and getting feedback.
Thanks for our open and interesting exchange.
Sleep tight, earl x
-
Kangaroos are better. The snails have spikes on theirs. Ouch.
Comment from purrfect tale
I'm slightly confused about the ending. This line: Mountain laughs and closes the door. Does it mean the entrance collapsed due to a cave-in or was Jacknal falling into one of the traps and the cave entrance is still there?
I loved this book and hate to see it end. Wish I could give this last chapter another 6, but since I just gave you one on the previous chapter I can't.
Ending with the sneaky assistant knowing everything and taking over Jacknal's business was a stoke of genius and the perfect set-up for book 2.
seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen(,)
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
|
I'm slightly confused about the ending. This line: Mountain laughs and closes the door. Does it mean the entrance collapsed due to a cave-in or was Jacknal falling into one of the traps and the cave entrance is still there?
I loved this book and hate to see it end. Wish I could give this last chapter another 6, but since I just gave you one on the previous chapter I can't.
Ending with the sneaky assistant knowing everything and taking over Jacknal's business was a stoke of genius and the perfect set-up for book 2.
seat in the cornfield when he spots Blathen(,)
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
-
The cave entrance collapsed. No traps until they were closer to the Upperton area. After the bats, remember? I could but closes her door. Just trying to be dramatic and personifying the mountain. Choosing the verb was tough. Good the end shows you a sequel. Or if not just leaves the mind to wander with Telek below and the ones above exiting the cellar after the storm. Thank you for the virtual six. I think I have six of those on this chapter now. LOL Same reason-- they gave one to thirty-seven. LOL
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Wow, great finish, Ellen. You're not allowed a sixer from me, but you'd have had one if possible. Great description of the tornado - fantastic. A real crescendo of a finish. You should be proud. You're probably also a little sad - I always am when I finish a book.
Wonderful work. So unique.
Be great at the movies in 3D!
So, what's next?
Av
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
|
Wow, great finish, Ellen. You're not allowed a sixer from me, but you'd have had one if possible. Great description of the tornado - fantastic. A real crescendo of a finish. You should be proud. You're probably also a little sad - I always am when I finish a book.
Wonderful work. So unique.
Be great at the movies in 3D!
So, what's next?
Av
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
-
Eager to start another are you, Av. Give me a break, lady. LOL
Thank you for your virtual six.(Boy, I wish I could have had all the virtuals that came in on this one. LOL) The tornado was fun to research. I've found that chapters with researched information chapters are the best received. So,I'll increase researching. I was sad several days ago, but am fine now. The characters are relaxing back. Jacknel and Rolak are dead. The tornado and and bodies being slurped up would be great in 3D. I can see the shingles and Blathen's bones flying into the audience. LOL :) Hugs ellen
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
The battle was tremendous, Ellen - so gory.
Finally, Jacknel, who thought himself invincible, is gone...
tortured the way he deserved, after the horrific pain
he put others through
artifact
artefact
lets fly a round house kick - house kick??
The sound disappears.Tunnel rats - space after period
entrance crumble.Mountain - and here
Congrats on reaching the end- will there be a sequel?
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
|
The battle was tremendous, Ellen - so gory.
Finally, Jacknel, who thought himself invincible, is gone...
tortured the way he deserved, after the horrific pain
he put others through
artifact
artefact
lets fly a round house kick - house kick??
The sound disappears.Tunnel rats - space after period
entrance crumble.Mountain - and here
Congrats on reaching the end- will there be a sequel?
Margaret
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
-
Thank you. Did I torture him long enough. LOL That was fun. He had always been such a sadistic coward. Won't miss him at all. (how do you so a spitting sound Patooey?) Should there be a sequel. I set it up to give the reader avenues of thought and/ or go on. People like Blathen and so many good characters are still alive. Telek is very strange with his lists.
Thank you for another six. It should be round-house kick.(a karate move; run, spin around backwards and thrust the body forward foot first.
Could you stand to read more of this? LOL I could wait a bit. Since I have line editing and some foreshadowing to place into this one. I hope to do it right since an expensive editor is out of my price range. That's why I wrote the note at the end of this chapter. You and several others have been tireless teachers and I am so very grateful that you are willing to not only share you wonderful work but also your eye and knowledge to improve my skills. :) Is a hug okay. Well you I'm sending you one anyway. :)
e
-
Yes, there should be a sequel... but get 2-3 chapters ahead so you aren't pushed for time. That's what I do now, altho after days of megraines I've not got any finished at the moment. Hugs to you my friend. M.
-
Funny you'd suggest that. I had to write ahead in order to get this ending. I felt like the book was one long chapter and I had to cut it some where like we do for posting here on FS. I found a spot and added Telek's scene which I'd already written, knowing it would be the end of the book. Wierd? Never having done this before, I guess whatever works is fine. :) You said that once when I asked a question about how many adjectives are acceptable. I find that is good advice. And I read some things out loud. If it is too much or too little it will show up just like it does in poetry.
Is it the weather causing megraines? Allen gets terrible headaches with the pollen now in the spring. I hope the subside soon. :) e
-
I think that's the best method - write ahead, which works for me - and if something comes to mind that you want to slot in, then you can do so.
__________________
Certain things sets it off megraines - too much caffine perhaps this time - altho I try to keeip to de-caff... and certain dairy products... I don't suffer regularly as I used to when younger - never a week went by without one.. I used to faint... thank goodness the worse is over altho I feel very shakey and drained when having one. M
Comment from tinams
This is a very fine piece of fantasy writing. It is very well written with an interesting flow of words and the ending was very exciting indeed :) Tina
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
|
This is a very fine piece of fantasy writing. It is very well written with an interesting flow of words and the ending was very exciting indeed :) Tina
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
-
Thank you, Tina for your kind and generous review. I'm glad you enjoyed the ending. :) ellen
Comment from cvcopac
Yessiree! what a finale. I gave the last post six now I can't give another to a scene that so deserves it.
"...collectors spiral down to lap up the onset of tears---Superior vintage." I won't forget this line.
You really surprised me with this ending but I like it; it also keeps the door open for possiblilties of another saga. I see stories, esp. in Blathen--a humanized animal.
As for Jacknel, he finally gets all shook up: "His eye falls to dangle---He's gone."
Great story and teriffic ending. Very real. Kenny
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
|
Yessiree! what a finale. I gave the last post six now I can't give another to a scene that so deserves it.
"...collectors spiral down to lap up the onset of tears---Superior vintage." I won't forget this line.
You really surprised me with this ending but I like it; it also keeps the door open for possiblilties of another saga. I see stories, esp. in Blathen--a humanized animal.
As for Jacknel, he finally gets all shook up: "His eye falls to dangle---He's gone."
Great story and teriffic ending. Very real. Kenny
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
-
Thank you, Kenny for your virtual six and great review. Superior vintage--used to love wine. Just puts me to sleep, now. LOL
So, it satisfied you? Did I torture Jacknel enough? The poor Warriors and Dissidents are still in the cellar and Blathan's pissed that he didn't get the relic.(In the other ending he did) Then the Telek's scene is exactly the same without the relic now in Bellow City with a much cleverer guy that the demented Jacknel.
Jacknel -- all shook up. LOL I guess you could say that. It took a tornado and an earthquake to get the bastard.LOL Did you get that the voice and scurrying in the tunnel could be Telek when you read the end, though I wrote it to possibly be Mother Nature.
If I go on I'll tell it was him who said 'Jacknel?' that's when he picked up the relic and scurried away like sewer rats, being close relatives. Do you want a sequel?
-
Yes, a sequel, no doubt and I believe you will anyway; your finale leaves it wide open. I love Blathen.
Yes, I did get that voice in the tunnel and eventually my sleepy head made the connect. The fact that you left Jacknels (supposedly) inferior servant in charge of business and the arena is additional punishment for the Heathen. The fact that Telek has a keepsake cherished by Blathen is a sure indicator of the sequel. I see an eventual quest.
Doctors used to prescribe a good red wine for the blood.
-
That's what I was hoping to foreshadow. Blathen is a favorite character. Imagine people liking a one-eyed vermel. He's not pretty. Not a handsome hunk like Trell who used to be the favorite until Blathen began to show Trell was a bit dim. He frickin' ran off and forgot to pull his sword out of Rolak.(did you get that) Not the swiftest, but really a good heart and loves Gima to death. She's a tad brighter because she learned so much from her Papas. Trell still isn't over behaving like a submissive. He was expected to be that in order to survive. Maybe there is hope for him to evolve ...
-
No, I missed that. I don't think superflous character traits like appearance means much along side more meaningful character traits you've established in Blathen. He clearly took over. In the hub bub & fiddle of the finale posts Gima and the rest including Trell took a back seat to Blathen who emerged as the most remembered. He is the hero of the finale, as I see it. But the good guys did win & we're relieved to know Gima's safe at home. Sure, you've built a lot of strength in Trell, he's a rock. Same goes for the other three, Gima, the heroine, Asmel and hunter. Each one is strong enough to have a story of their own, and then there is zee. You could develop a trilogy and go through a couple of generations here. The possibilities are endless.
-
HELP! How many generations? Yes ... and then there IS Zee. Been holding him back. Blathen's baby (for now) brother, the dumb slow one. LOL
-
(laughing) Sometimes seemingly dumb ones shine brighter than the supposedly smart ones. I was musing as I wrote, that's all. I can't see any reason for any of them to go back right away and why should anyone from underearth want out? Plus the two worlds are now sealed apart (inasmuch as is revealed) You have a lot of work yet to do on getting this book edited and published, no? You will have all kinds of ideas racing around as you prepare--or you'll be exhausted and never want to think of it again. I see Blathen growing up and proliferation of a species--a time lap, perhaps before re-entry, new characters blending and rising from the old. Skuldrugery, maybe, from underearth.
-
(laughing) Sometimes seemingly dumb ones shine brighter than the supposedly smart ones. I was musing as I wrote, that's all. I can't see any reason for any of them to go back right away and why should anyone from underearth want out? Plus the two worlds are now sealed apart (inasmuch as is revealed) You have a lot of work yet to do on getting this book edited and published, no? You will have all kinds of ideas racing around as you prepare--or you'll be exhausted and never want to think of it again. I see Blathen growing up and proliferation of a species--a time lap, perhaps before re-entry, new characters blending and rising from the old. Skuldrugery, maybe, from underearth.
-
You're right. I have so much to do to get this to print and need to start that ASAP. Time will lead it all in the right direction. Love that word -- skuldugery.
-
Guilty, we fly the Jolly Rodger.
Comment from adewpearl
Love the details of battle and the strong verbs in battle, like when Gima grabs Jacknel's leg, unhinges her jaw and latches onto his calf.
Gods of my father's fathers - fathers'
Love the description of Blathen, like a frisky little rat :-)
That paragraph is great, by the way :-)
Great dramatic description of the twister
Congratulations on reaching the end of this super-exciting and entertaining story :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
|
Love the details of battle and the strong verbs in battle, like when Gima grabs Jacknel's leg, unhinges her jaw and latches onto his calf.
Gods of my father's fathers - fathers'
Love the description of Blathen, like a frisky little rat :-)
That paragraph is great, by the way :-)
Great dramatic description of the twister
Congratulations on reaching the end of this super-exciting and entertaining story :-) Brooke
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
-
Wow, you are finally finished,too. LOL Thank you for the grand review and six stars. Yep, there it is again fathers'. I shall fix both of them. At least when I'm wrong I'm consistent. LOL
So do I go on later with a second one? Or is this enough. I'm thinking of doing something with the flash fiction piece 'What if' Great characters even the fat lady and plenty of stories in the room. What do you think?