Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Gima: Battle Begins"fantasy adventure
21 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
Great tension and pacing, Ellen. There's a real sense of leaping out of the frying pan and into the flames in the first section.
Jacknel and his gang enter set foot on Upper Earth vulnerable, yet terrifying. Well done.
Wanton desctruction on the move: great line.
You've written a boisterous fight scene with many heated opponents. It's life or death, and very well done!
Picar lifts Jamie into his lap and feels his young heart slowing toward its last. (toward its last what? :-))
Wonderfully poignant ending.
Great one-two punch, Ellen!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Great tension and pacing, Ellen. There's a real sense of leaping out of the frying pan and into the flames in the first section.
Jacknel and his gang enter set foot on Upper Earth vulnerable, yet terrifying. Well done.
Wanton desctruction on the move: great line.
You've written a boisterous fight scene with many heated opponents. It's life or death, and very well done!
Picar lifts Jamie into his lap and feels his young heart slowing toward its last. (toward its last what? :-))
Wonderfully poignant ending.
Great one-two punch, Ellen!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Hi Tina. Thank you so much for your review. It would be last moment. I thought that just read itself in there. I guess it doesnt? I'll make note and go back in. So tired today. :) e
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Why so tired? Everything okay?
I just read your last chapter...stunning! You rock this story, Ellen!!
Get some rest, my dear, you so deserve it!! You aren't feeling down because you've finished your book and feel lost now, do you? I can imagine myself feeling that way when I reach the end of my current story. :-)
Love and hugs,
Tina
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It may be the flu. Allen has it. It's no the story. I'm editing it and thinking of a sequel. :) Hope you and your's are fine. Punky, over 'n out.
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Awww....take some vitamins and go to bed! Read, dream, rest!! :-)
We're all good. Pollen season is starting and so is the sneezing and sniffing season!! :-)
Comment from purrfect tale
Not Jamie! Noooo! This was very intense. The action never let up until Rolak dies, and then you take the reader from excitement to horror as Jamie dies. I don't know whether to praise you or beat you for such an emotional ending.
They are invisible voices in the dark. - love this line
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Not Jamie! Noooo! This was very intense. The action never let up until Rolak dies, and then you take the reader from excitement to horror as Jamie dies. I don't know whether to praise you or beat you for such an emotional ending.
They are invisible voices in the dark. - love this line
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Sorry, I had to sacrifice someone meaningful, PT. Please don't beat me. This will forever influence Picar's choices if I write a sequel. Jamie would be in Picar's flashbacks. So glad you liked it. Thank you for the gold. Invisible voices in the dark(quite the cop out for not wanting to tag all the speakers. LOL) Does sound poetic though. :)
Comment from tinams
This is a very entertaining story. I like the way you limit your dialogue and use more descriptive writing. A very enjoyable read :) Tina
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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This is a very entertaining story. I like the way you limit your dialogue and use more descriptive writing. A very enjoyable read :) Tina
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thank you,Tina for your review. This was my first fight scene. I'm glad it turned out well for you.:) e
Comment from adewpearl
You create and sustain an atmosphere of tension/danger well
Gods of our father's fathers - fathers' - plural possessive
As in all your chapters, wonderful use of high-impact action verbs like tromp/whip/choke/spit/springs...
Blathen, stay and protect - add comma for direct address
vivid detail in the fight scene
Brooke
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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You create and sustain an atmosphere of tension/danger well
Gods of our father's fathers - fathers' - plural possessive
As in all your chapters, wonderful use of high-impact action verbs like tromp/whip/choke/spit/springs...
Blathen, stay and protect - add comma for direct address
vivid detail in the fight scene
Brooke
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thank you, Brooke. I wondered what to do with the 'fathers'.' I'll eventually get those possessives correct. Have a great week. I look forward to more Sawyer poems. :)
Comment from DIS-illusioned
""Dumb tourists," snits a gray, field mouse pushing her young down a hole."
Oh, even the animals know of their 'foreign' visitors, eh? LOL!
So...Picar and Jamie were gay vertants? Hahaha!
Oh, and Asmel lost an ear in the last chapter, huh?
Amazing imagery, as always, BD. Good, good stuff!
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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""Dumb tourists," snits a gray, field mouse pushing her young down a hole."
Oh, even the animals know of their 'foreign' visitors, eh? LOL!
So...Picar and Jamie were gay vertants? Hahaha!
Oh, and Asmel lost an ear in the last chapter, huh?
Amazing imagery, as always, BD. Good, good stuff!
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thank you for another fine running commentary. Yep, those damn tourists are everywhere. LOL I guess you missed that earlier ... about Jamie and Picar. I didn't do a lot with it. I figured the sex scenes at Sadies with columns and dying bodies were enough for this crowd. I many add one small scene or several meaningful lines to the book for Jami and Picar to build to this end of Jamie. I didn't do that as well as I'd like in order to build the feeling of loss in this chapter.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is another wonderfully well-written chapter barking dog. It is quite clear you have a superior facility with language that engages all this reader's senses. For example this line: Weapons in hand, lined up behind Trell and Picar, they begin an even-paced trot to the Valley. Brilliant really. We can hear it, see it, feel it and smell it and that is not easily accomplished.
Your adept intertwining of humor and suffering is seamless and offers up a pleasurable treat of opposites while maintaining the integrity of the story. Most impressive.
Very well done and a virtual six to you!
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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This is another wonderfully well-written chapter barking dog. It is quite clear you have a superior facility with language that engages all this reader's senses. For example this line: Weapons in hand, lined up behind Trell and Picar, they begin an even-paced trot to the Valley. Brilliant really. We can hear it, see it, feel it and smell it and that is not easily accomplished.
Your adept intertwining of humor and suffering is seamless and offers up a pleasurable treat of opposites while maintaining the integrity of the story. Most impressive.
Very well done and a virtual six to you!
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you for your virtual six and lovely words. Whoo, the smell. Couldn't wait for fresh air. LOL Have a great week. Say 'HI' to Dodie. :) ellen xxx Final chapter up shortly. It's rather long but I refuse to split it. Sorry.:) e
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I have patience. Looking forward to the new chapter. Dodie says hello to you too!
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I need her in the battle. They'd die laughing. She's probably do something inadvertently and be a hero. They'd lift her high but knowing her she'd have visions of her fellow feathered friends at Thanksgiving and they'd have to let her plan her own celebration ... and there's where you have to take over, emmex. I'd love to know what she'd do. Hee hee.
Comment from Carrie Smith
I've not kept up very well, but this chapter stands alone.It is a full-blown story, easily followed and interesting. Your writing is superb, Ellen. The perfectly written dialogue and action drew me right in. The foot notes a huge help also. I'm so glad I read this-enjoyed! Exceptional writing, by an exceptional author. xxSusan
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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I've not kept up very well, but this chapter stands alone.It is a full-blown story, easily followed and interesting. Your writing is superb, Ellen. The perfectly written dialogue and action drew me right in. The foot notes a huge help also. I'm so glad I read this-enjoyed! Exceptional writing, by an exceptional author. xxSusan
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Susan for your super review and lovely six stars. I'm glad you're getting in on the end. Today will be the last of it, enjoy. :) ellen xxx I bet your house is full right now.
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BD, you're welcome. House not full yet - but getting there! xx
Comment from jaeladarling
"Fantasy" should cover Fantasy-adventure, right? It would certainly be nice if they had sub-genres. :) Anyway, even though I came in the middle of this story, I found it interesting and engaging. Never mind that I'm a biased fantasy fanatic! :) Thanks also for all the Author Notes. They really helped! Nice work, and best wishes on your future writing!
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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"Fantasy" should cover Fantasy-adventure, right? It would certainly be nice if they had sub-genres. :) Anyway, even though I came in the middle of this story, I found it interesting and engaging. Never mind that I'm a biased fantasy fanatic! :) Thanks also for all the Author Notes. They really helped! Nice work, and best wishes on your future writing!
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you for your fine review. There is only one more chapter posting today. The novel is closing. I'm glad that you like this one and that the notes were helpful. It's always nice to meet another fantasy fan.:) barking dog
Comment from WilliamDeen
Well done. Your dialogue really moved the story along a good fast pace. Descriptions and details were good. No spags noticed and nothing to suggest differently. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Well done. Your dialogue really moved the story along a good fast pace. Descriptions and details were good. No spags noticed and nothing to suggest differently. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Hi Bill
Thank you for checking in. Only one more chapter to go and this novel is finished ... well over sixty thousand words. What an experience. I know now why you love the longer write.:) I'll be able to read you now. :) ellen
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Great, vivid action again in this chapter, Ellen, but then
you never disappoint.
Luckily, Trell's lot had advantage in the tunnel and
an excellent write of pursuers struggling through the terrain of upper earth. As for Jacknel... well.. he's the most despicable creature.
A couple of minor things....
Absolutely[,] meaningless - lose comma
one looses his grip - loses
draw their swords and join (the) battle -add the
up stream - one word
A great read, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Great, vivid action again in this chapter, Ellen, but then
you never disappoint.
Luckily, Trell's lot had advantage in the tunnel and
an excellent write of pursuers struggling through the terrain of upper earth. As for Jacknel... well.. he's the most despicable creature.
A couple of minor things....
Absolutely[,] meaningless - lose comma
one looses his grip - loses
draw their swords and join (the) battle -add the
up stream - one word
A great read, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-May-2012
reply by the author on 20-May-2012
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Thank you, Margaret. Alway helpful and supportive. Last chapter up any minute. It's long but I refuse to split it. Ha ha. Happy week ahead. Smiles.:) ellen xx