Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Gima: The Four Strike Warik"fantasy adventure
18 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
"fleas, the smartest of the lot in the compound, form a jumping black puddle and exit the front gate with hats, coats and baggage"
What metaphoric imagery.
Wow, what a diet of fruits Blathen must had fed those vermel chomps.
"Picar, let's go. Let him die slowly, suffering. He can't hurt us"
Oh, why do I feel this is going to come back and bite them, if they don't finish him off now?
The blood, gore, fight scenes and general mayhem in this chapter is simply superb! Again, this on screen would be dynamite! Brilliantly done, BD--brilliant!
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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"fleas, the smartest of the lot in the compound, form a jumping black puddle and exit the front gate with hats, coats and baggage"
What metaphoric imagery.
Wow, what a diet of fruits Blathen must had fed those vermel chomps.
"Picar, let's go. Let him die slowly, suffering. He can't hurt us"
Oh, why do I feel this is going to come back and bite them, if they don't finish him off now?
The blood, gore, fight scenes and general mayhem in this chapter is simply superb! Again, this on screen would be dynamite! Brilliantly done, BD--brilliant!
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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All the vomit, blood and colorful poison food in IMAX 3-D. Right on.This was the most fun chapter ever, esp. the fleas who would have none of it. LOL Thank you, DIS for the lovely six. You're on you way to the end of the story, now.
Have you ever seen 'Death Proof' with Kirk Russell? Stuntman Mike. Its on Syfy now. One of my favorite movies.
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'Death Proof'? Mm, I'm not sure--maybe. I'll try and check it out.
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It's mayhem.
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2007 Grindhouse: Death Proof
Director: Tarantino
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Oh, yes, I've seen that! Loved it! :) Tarantino's a bleeding genius! :) Great one, to be inspired by. :))
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The girls are chasing him now. He's toast soon. Go baby go. Love the car scene here. single road two cars and she yells, 'boo yah.' Gotta go.
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I worship at his possibly irregular shaped feet. LOL
Comment from linnietwotymez
You must have a garden to attend because your knowledge of herbs seems expansive. This was a great chapter that had me hooked all the way to the end. This part: "Trell and Gima stare and think the same thing: I had no idea you were here. They say everything else with a brief touch of hands to cheeks, an electric moment." sums up your greatness to explain a situation or a moment using only a few words. The editing is outstanding. Excellent work my friend!
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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You must have a garden to attend because your knowledge of herbs seems expansive. This was a great chapter that had me hooked all the way to the end. This part: "Trell and Gima stare and think the same thing: I had no idea you were here. They say everything else with a brief touch of hands to cheeks, an electric moment." sums up your greatness to explain a situation or a moment using only a few words. The editing is outstanding. Excellent work my friend!
Comment Written 19-May-2012
reply by the author on 19-May-2012
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Thank you again for your wonderful review, linnietwotymez.I do appreciate all that you've said and the shiny gold cross is lovely. :) ellen
Comment from tinams
It's very apparent that a lot of time has gone into your story. Your characters are well developed and it flows perfectly making for a wonderful read :) Tina
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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It's very apparent that a lot of time has gone into your story. Your characters are well developed and it flows perfectly making for a wonderful read :) Tina
Comment Written 15-May-2012
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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Thank you, Tina for your review. I appreciate your reading and generous review. :) barking dog
Comment from adewpearl
from your first paragraph on your verb choices are inspired :-)
vivid description of those perimeter guards and the fleas
Love the feasting scene
what a scene of those splattering bodily fluids
Oher's bodies - Others'
Love the scene where Trell attacks
Fights are really fights in this world!!!
I'm so happy they have found Gima!!! :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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from your first paragraph on your verb choices are inspired :-)
vivid description of those perimeter guards and the fleas
Love the feasting scene
what a scene of those splattering bodily fluids
Oher's bodies - Others'
Love the scene where Trell attacks
Fights are really fights in this world!!!
I'm so happy they have found Gima!!! :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-May-2012
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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Thank you, Brooke. Aren't verbs fun? LOL It'good to hear that you found this chapter vivid. It was a challenge to write.:) e
Comment from purrfect tale
I'm so glad my time was up since the last 6. I really enjoyed this chapter.
The fleas! LOL! My sides hurt from laughing. The joy the good guys show while snapping necks was a good counter-point to the suffering vermel.
recovers his stance just in time to save Larue(,)
Some heros, afraid of Blathen on the bear. That's a great image.
Picar, (scared) by Sadie, branded by Warik, - did you mean scared as in frighten or is this a typo and should be scarred as in permanent disfiguring mark or a wound.
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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I'm so glad my time was up since the last 6. I really enjoyed this chapter.
The fleas! LOL! My sides hurt from laughing. The joy the good guys show while snapping necks was a good counter-point to the suffering vermel.
recovers his stance just in time to save Larue(,)
Some heros, afraid of Blathen on the bear. That's a great image.
Picar, (scared) by Sadie, branded by Warik, - did you mean scared as in frighten or is this a typo and should be scarred as in permanent disfiguring mark or a wound.
Comment Written 15-May-2012
reply by the author on 15-May-2012
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Hi PT, Yep I typed it wrong. It should read scarred.
Glad you liked the flea. Anyone with pets can enjoy that one. Even one makes me nuts. LOL Thank you so much for the six. Mine are trapped for so many that I read. I call them imprisoned waiting for release. LOL I finally got one out to Avery today. I hate the waiting. Thank you again. I'll fix the oopsies.:) ellen xx
Comment from Tina55
Hey, Ellen...
Smart fleas.
They dig armpits and crotches, heads and chests as their fleas, wanting to live, scurry to join the exodus.
(Talk about a vivd description)
The attack of the poisonous herbs is amost 4-D. I almost feel sorry for these guys.
Hearts enlarge and pound faster than time itself.
(Great line. Very unique)
Stricken, the vermel bob and weave like gas lights in tunnel drafts, attacking each other with blades, tearing with razor edged double rows, and bludgeoning the real and the imaginary with the dismantled statue of Laric. (Another fantastic line.)
Each eye bulges until its window explodes. What pushes to freedom oozes slowly downward into a screaming mouth. (Good Lord, woman. This is extremely creative - inspired.)
Other's bodies protest with volcano-like vomit and explosive bowels, expressing dissatisfaction with the cuisine. The lucky die swiftly, others linger.
(And lucky me, just finished eating lunch with I opened this up. )
You've spelled wiry two ways in this paragraph:
Cut off from the others and cornered by a small wiry guard in an alcove... Jamie takes on the small wirey guard.)
This fight scene is a kaliedascope of colour. Your verbs are just as vibrant. Did you have a particular inspiration for this scene?
In seconds that felt like forever the Warriors, Jamie and the dissident vermel and vertant soldiers, Trell, Hunter, and Asmel are all that's left standing. (I believe, but I could be wrong, that there should be a acomma after 'forever')
Asmel and Larue bow(,) acknowledging their brotherhood.
Gima rushes out with the others and bumps head first into Trell. (Should be headfirst - one word)
He jumps from stone floor to table top to...(Should be tabletop. I've looked up these words in the dictionary to be sure)
steel-tipped/staff-mounted
Warik looks up just in time to see himself Shish Kabobbed to the pig skin pillows. (Fitting. Eww. Creative. Decisive)
Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression, feet still antsy, Picar's eager to continue. (I'd suggest breaking this into 2 sentences, comme ca: Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression. Feet still antsy, Picar's eager to continue. Or...how does it read to you if it says: Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression, feet still antsy, he's eager to continue.)
Well, that was a crazy ass post and a great jolt forward in the plotline. Well done. Very well done.
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hey, Ellen...
Smart fleas.
They dig armpits and crotches, heads and chests as their fleas, wanting to live, scurry to join the exodus.
(Talk about a vivd description)
The attack of the poisonous herbs is amost 4-D. I almost feel sorry for these guys.
Hearts enlarge and pound faster than time itself.
(Great line. Very unique)
Stricken, the vermel bob and weave like gas lights in tunnel drafts, attacking each other with blades, tearing with razor edged double rows, and bludgeoning the real and the imaginary with the dismantled statue of Laric. (Another fantastic line.)
Each eye bulges until its window explodes. What pushes to freedom oozes slowly downward into a screaming mouth. (Good Lord, woman. This is extremely creative - inspired.)
Other's bodies protest with volcano-like vomit and explosive bowels, expressing dissatisfaction with the cuisine. The lucky die swiftly, others linger.
(And lucky me, just finished eating lunch with I opened this up. )
You've spelled wiry two ways in this paragraph:
Cut off from the others and cornered by a small wiry guard in an alcove... Jamie takes on the small wirey guard.)
This fight scene is a kaliedascope of colour. Your verbs are just as vibrant. Did you have a particular inspiration for this scene?
In seconds that felt like forever the Warriors, Jamie and the dissident vermel and vertant soldiers, Trell, Hunter, and Asmel are all that's left standing. (I believe, but I could be wrong, that there should be a acomma after 'forever')
Asmel and Larue bow(,) acknowledging their brotherhood.
Gima rushes out with the others and bumps head first into Trell. (Should be headfirst - one word)
He jumps from stone floor to table top to...(Should be tabletop. I've looked up these words in the dictionary to be sure)
steel-tipped/staff-mounted
Warik looks up just in time to see himself Shish Kabobbed to the pig skin pillows. (Fitting. Eww. Creative. Decisive)
Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression, feet still antsy, Picar's eager to continue. (I'd suggest breaking this into 2 sentences, comme ca: Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression. Feet still antsy, Picar's eager to continue. Or...how does it read to you if it says: Jamie reaches out his hand to Picar's crazed expression, feet still antsy, he's eager to continue.)
Well, that was a crazy ass post and a great jolt forward in the plotline. Well done. Very well done.
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Thank you, Tina for another indepth review. I wish I could get those compound words correct. :( Thanks for your keen eye. I don't even see the possibility in order to look them up to clarify. This was not a chapter to read on either side of a meal. LOL :)e
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Compounds are tricky. And sometimes they seem to shift from compound to two words depending on the direction of the wind.
I keep an eye on your compounds, and you keep an eye on Kristen's emotional growth, deal?
I ended up deleted that last post where she was moving out of her apartment after pondering the points you made in your review. I've gone back and done a rewrite many chapters before and inserted her feelings about saying good-bye where they feel more suitable. Thanks for the heads-up on that one!!
Have a great night...
Tina :-)
Comment from strandregs
What a lovely chapter so enchantingly bloody, A right pleasure
to read , A sigh of relief as "good" / our heroes prevail.
.Z.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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What a lovely chapter so enchantingly bloody, A right pleasure
to read , A sigh of relief as "good" / our heroes prevail.
.Z.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Thank you, Z for your review. I always appreciate your viewpoint.:) e
Comment from cvcopac
I'm dizzy from the fight scene you sure did your homework. Poetry in motion from the moment they begin to consume the poison. (I believe I got a good education in poisonous plants too.) The poisoned guards and the fight are both spectacular scenes and Trell now Has Gima and all are in exit mode. There's more action comming, I think.
We have two couples now re-united with Jamie and Picar.
The humans do pretty good in the fracas too.
I'm jumping all over the place here. Another exceptional write, Ellen, but I'm still bound to excellence.
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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I'm dizzy from the fight scene you sure did your homework. Poetry in motion from the moment they begin to consume the poison. (I believe I got a good education in poisonous plants too.) The poisoned guards and the fight are both spectacular scenes and Trell now Has Gima and all are in exit mode. There's more action comming, I think.
We have two couples now re-united with Jamie and Picar.
The humans do pretty good in the fracas too.
I'm jumping all over the place here. Another exceptional write, Ellen, but I'm still bound to excellence.
Comment Written 13-May-2012
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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I'm so happy that you are HAPPY, Kenny. You know how tense I've been over my first fight scene. Yes, studying the plants was a blast. Yuck how they make one suffer. Yes, there is more. I never seem to just end it. Can't do this abruptly. Have to tie up the loose ends. Yes it was nice to get Jamie and Picar back together. They met at Sadie's and have been devoted for years. Picar was the cousin that was so kind and caring to Trell when they were both small, had tendency of being gay from childhood. I foreshadowed that long before he met Jamie at Sadies. They are might warriors as well and like brothers to Trell through the ordeals they have been through together. Larue is had helped them escape from Sadies. So no we have joined them here in the tunnel. Whew!
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I'll bet--Wheeew--- That's a lot of work, I can see. Some of those plants, like rubarb and asparagus are favorites of mine. The fight scene was terrific and the poision scene--well!
Here in the south Jamie is both a male and female name.
All I can say is, what a imagination!
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Is there a male spelling for Jamie? maybe Jami?
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I don't know the spelling differences but I knew a Jamie (he) who dated a Jamie (she) in Keystone. He now lives in Miss. and she lives in Pawley's Island SC.
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I don't know the spelling differences but I knew a Jamie (he) who dated a Jamie (she) in Keystone. He now lives in Miss. and she lives in Pawley's Island SC.
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I'll probably change the name all together when the book is finished. Thank you for pointing that out. Never thought of a girl, Jamie.
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Yes, I wasn't sure at first read of the gender. Yes maam, Miss Jamie, priviliged and proud of it.
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At Sadie's he is one of her male dancers. I thought I had called him a he in the conversations. I'll check that all again. It's no big thing.
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Hi, I forgot to take my omeprazole and woke up with acid reflux and here I am, still awake.
You did.
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Hi, I forgot to take my omeprazole and woke up with acid reflux and here I am, still awake.
You did.
Comment from Spitfire
Love the orgy of eating the poisonous berries. A bit confused on this sentence:One whiff of the golden-yellow tansy flower's sweet mint and thousands of fleas,--Do you mean the fleas tried to get off their bodies? Or were the fleas part of the effect? A lot of action and great use of verbs. A great write.
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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Love the orgy of eating the poisonous berries. A bit confused on this sentence:One whiff of the golden-yellow tansy flower's sweet mint and thousands of fleas,--Do you mean the fleas tried to get off their bodies? Or were the fleas part of the effect? A lot of action and great use of verbs. A great write.
Comment Written 13-May-2012
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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The fleas were running like hell, smarter than the a-ver-age vermel. LOL They wanted to live. Tansy kills/repels fleas(true).
You read it correctly. Not part of the effect. Thank you bunches for the gold, Spitfire. I'm glad you liked this bit of yuck.;) e
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well, my god. Blathen sure did create havoc! LOL! Loved the image of the fleas getting TFO. Brilliant.
But what a gooey mess followed. Brilliant descriptions that, I think, have put me off my dinner. (just kidding).
Needless to say, Trell is amazed at the 'peaceful' men's vigorous enjoyment of the kill. _ I was somewhat taken aback myself. ;o)
Yep. I'm definitely not eating any more this evening. You should market this chapter as a diet aid.
Great action, so well told. Very impressive, Ellen.
Love it when Trell 'introduced' Beh and Blathen. HAHA! Red-- my favorite color.
Shish Kabobbed to the pig skin pillows. LOVE this description.
So, they're back together. Finally.
Very enjoyable, Ellen. Honestly didn't see anything I'd change, nor did I spot any fleas, other than the ones who were meant to be there!
You have a very unique voice.
Amazing write.
Av
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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Well, my god. Blathen sure did create havoc! LOL! Loved the image of the fleas getting TFO. Brilliant.
But what a gooey mess followed. Brilliant descriptions that, I think, have put me off my dinner. (just kidding).
Needless to say, Trell is amazed at the 'peaceful' men's vigorous enjoyment of the kill. _ I was somewhat taken aback myself. ;o)
Yep. I'm definitely not eating any more this evening. You should market this chapter as a diet aid.
Great action, so well told. Very impressive, Ellen.
Love it when Trell 'introduced' Beh and Blathen. HAHA! Red-- my favorite color.
Shish Kabobbed to the pig skin pillows. LOVE this description.
So, they're back together. Finally.
Very enjoyable, Ellen. Honestly didn't see anything I'd change, nor did I spot any fleas, other than the ones who were meant to be there!
You have a very unique voice.
Amazing write.
Av
Comment Written 13-May-2012
reply by the author on 13-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Av for your encouraging review. So far so good, I guess. Glad you liked the fleas and shish kabobs. LOL:) e