The last time
My birthday present4 total reviews
Comment from fluffnstuff
Hello my friend...went to my msgs to see you had written more...but not privately...i understand...i haven't been with it 'cause my mother, on mothers day is dying. it's awful. anyway, wanted to let you know that there is a spelling error you need to correct. you have "it wasant anyones fault right" i think that it could be important to correct? hugs to you.....love your writings. dianne
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hello my friend...went to my msgs to see you had written more...but not privately...i understand...i haven't been with it 'cause my mother, on mothers day is dying. it's awful. anyway, wanted to let you know that there is a spelling error you need to correct. you have "it wasant anyones fault right" i think that it could be important to correct? hugs to you.....love your writings. dianne
Comment Written 13-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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I hope you are okay. wish I would have written something a bit more happy for you. thanks for the correction.
Comment from ridinaround
Not bad. Check how many times I is used and try to cut some out. This phrase: It was nobodies - should be nobody's. This: she came with my willingly - should be "came with me" right? Watch the capitalizations, suede is capped once but not always, ibuprofen should not be capitalized. At the end the character is writing with tears, yet at the beginning it seemed he was telling us the story. Good bones here, a little rework and it'll be great.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Not bad. Check how many times I is used and try to cut some out. This phrase: It was nobodies - should be nobody's. This: she came with my willingly - should be "came with me" right? Watch the capitalizations, suede is capped once but not always, ibuprofen should not be capitalized. At the end the character is writing with tears, yet at the beginning it seemed he was telling us the story. Good bones here, a little rework and it'll be great.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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thanks ill work on it.
Comment from inkedone
This is another good one. Very descriptive and easy to visualize. The character is very believable. He's a freaky guy.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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This is another good one. Very descriptive and easy to visualize. The character is very believable. He's a freaky guy.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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thank you.
Comment from ennahanid
Your The last time - Horror Story Writing Contest entry is really pretty gory, I don't normally do horror but I must admit this held my attention from first to last word. In the beginning you have 'nephews' is that meant to be 'nephew's' perhaps.
I think you rose to the challenge very well and I wish you luck with this one...Dinah
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Your The last time - Horror Story Writing Contest entry is really pretty gory, I don't normally do horror but I must admit this held my attention from first to last word. In the beginning you have 'nephews' is that meant to be 'nephew's' perhaps.
I think you rose to the challenge very well and I wish you luck with this one...Dinah
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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thank you and ill look at that nephews thing.